Best Places to Meet People?

[flyingspaghetti]

I am not exactly a social butterfly, but I have been making soooooooo many attempts at "putting myself out there" and getting out more to meet people. I would like to make friends and even try and date guys while I am at it.

 

My results so far - failed. I don't get it.

 

I frequent coffeehouses, sometimes I attend this swing dance thing every Monday nights, I try and make small talk with customers at work, etc, etc. I don't have very many local friends, so I don't get to go out with them to other socialable places. The few friends I have are either busy, or I don't want to rely on them 100% of the time. I don't want to sound clingy or anything either. I mean, they have invited me to social outings, but I don't get a chance to mingle with other people nor do guys approach me.

 

Back to the coffeehouses - I try and smile towards guys I find attractive and want to approach, and I even sit in areas near people my age to try and socialize with them. No luck! They, usually the guys, are busy on their laptops, reading, or they are with friends or with girls or guys.

 

This is getting VERY frustrating for me, as you can imagine. ](*,)

 

I don't get it. I just do NOT get it.... I am feeling like I am backed into a corner.

 

Sooooo my question - WHAT are some good places to meet people? I am mostly alone, so I am not much of a drinker and wouldn't even try going to bars alone. So that is out....

 

I work as a computer lab aide at my university, so I see a lot of people daily. There is one guy who is sweet and very nice and usually greets me, but I don't know about approaching him to get to know him. I haven't seen him in two weeks, so I don't know if he's still in that class. I have been thinking about attempting to get to know him more. But.... I don't want to just rely on him.

 

So, my main point is that I WANT to make friends AND also get to know some guys to date them. You know.... the whole conversation and socialization aspect.

 

I am usually a shy and especially quiet person, and I have always in the past been a homebody and non-socializer. I am finding this whole socialization thing to be a challenge, and it's bugging me.

 

So... ANY suggestions? Tips? Anything???

 

Thanks to anyone who can help!!!

[friscodj]

A couple of thoughts for you...

 

First, I think you are trying too hard to meet people vs. trying to find things you truly enjoy doing. I bet if you engaged in activites you truly enjoy for the sake of doing them to make you happy, the "meeting people" part will take care of itself.

 

Secondly, I have had lady friends post profiles on Internet dating sites and fill up hotmail or yahoo email accounts within a couple of weeks. They get so overwhelmed with email they have to take themselves down. So I don't know how you feel about those sites, but it seems to me a good idea.

[bzborow1]

Back to the coffeehouses - I try and smile towards guys I find attractive and want to approach, and I even sit in areas near people my age to try and socialize with them. No luck! They, usually the guys, are busy on their laptops, reading, or they are with friends or with girls or guys.

You are doing the right things, and trust me, you probably don't want to date the guys who can't walk up and talk to you anyways.

 

I work as a computer lab aide at my university, so I see a lot of people daily. There is one guy who is sweet and very nice and usually greets me, but I don't know about approaching him to get to know him.

I have this problem myself and i'm trying to overcome it. What you're probably doing at this point is reading too much into conversations with other people. Does he like me? Do i like him? Should I talk? Will he like me? etc... IMO, you need to just start talking to people for the sake of talking to people, and nothing else. You don't need a "reason" to talk to someone...just introduce yourself and ask how his day has been going or something.

 

If you're looking at ways to meet people think about joining recreational sports, mixed softball leagues, work leagues, etc... then try joining activities you are interested in.

 

Are you having a problem with being upbeat? If so I sometimes use a technique where a visualize a moment in my life when I was on an absolute high, and feeling powerful. Sounds cheesy but it can help you refocus your attitude.

 

Just talk! And when you have a good convo going with something what's to stop you from askin them to join you for coffee sometime?

[friscodj]

You are doing the right things, and trust me, you probably don't want to date the guys who can't walk up and talk to you anyways.

 

Why not? There are plenty of great shy guys out there...

 

And I know couples who are happily married where the woman approached the guy...

[mystik]

I am more likely to NOT date a guy who will walk up and talk to me. I would rather date a guy who doesn't randomly walk up to strangers to try to get a date...no offense to those, but it personally creeps me out a bit. Perhaps it is because the very few who have were rather strange or cocky so maybe that is just my experience.

 

And yes, I agree with friscodj, why not make the first move yourself if you are interested? I often make the first move even though I'm a girl, and I've had my fair share of rejection, but also my fair share of some very good experiences. The rejections suck, but the good times definitely make up for them..and you think to yourself, "wow if I had been scared and not talked to tihs guy, we would never had done this, that, had a great time here."

 

Also, coffee houses are not a good idea. Don't take it personally. Rarely do people just approach other people out of nowhere. People just don't do that because our society says it's weird when strangers approach us for a date. Small talk in line at grocery stores, random brief encounters are 'normal' enough..but a stranger asking for your phone number at the library, a coffeehouse, in a bus? Very unlikely unless you're in social situation usually meant for that, ie. Parties, bars. Friends of friends, mingling, you approaching others...those are the best ways to go.

[friscodj]

Rarely do people just approach other people out of nowhere. People just don't do that because our society says it's weird when strangers approach us for a date. Small talk in line at grocery stores, random brief encounters are 'normal' enough..but a stranger asking for your phone number at the library, a coffeehouse, in a bus? Very unlikely unless you're in social situation usually meant for that, ie. Parties, bars. Friends of friends, mingling, you approaching others...those are the best ways to go.

 

I second this. I know people who pull this stranger thing off but I've seen that those relationships are usually short-lived.

 

I am one for building some sort of rapport with the person through some mutual friend or activity before chasing the romance...

[teacup]

I talk to ppl randomly everywhere but I don't expect a relationship of any kind from that. That would be too weird.

[CluelessGuy321]

What University you go to? Sounds like UCLA.

 

I might start going to the Swing or Salsa lessons on Monday. Best way to find a friend is through dancing I think. You get real close already.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Stop trying thats all I can say be yours self and see if you do any better.

 

But always, always try to be fun to be with, be upbeet and enjoy the looking.

 

thats my take on this.

[dnl940]

I recently met a girl at a bookstore just by mentioning that I had read the book that she was looking at. It ended up in a conversation and some coffee. I also made sure that all of my social contacts knew that I was available for meeting new people and they continually help me to be in situations to meet new people. It's like having them do the work for me. I've met some really great people this way and made a lot of new friends. Just be yourself and go where your interests take you.

[wlfpack81]

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[Kevin T]

Dating services/online dating sites are the best places to meet other singles.

 

Any other place is questionable, I'd say. There's a much better chance of meeting other like-minded singles who want a relationship with a dating service or an online dating site. It's true.

 

For me, I've found school to be a dead-end. Church? lmao Yeah, right. And work...? Don't make me laugh... again. Bars are never a good place to start a good relationship. So that's why I'd say a dating service/online dating site.

[wlfpack81]

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[Kevin T]

So, it's better to try and meet girls whom are NOT single/have no interest in you than to seek out other single girls who MAY have an interest in you?

 

Don't trust everything you read. Studies are OFTEN flawed. Though I definitely admit church is utterly useless for meeting anyone of the opposite sex.

[itsallgrand]

Dating services/online dating sites are the best places to meet other singles.

 

Any other place is questionable, I'd say. There's a much better chance of meeting other like-minded singles who want a relationship with a dating service or an online dating site. It's true.

 

For me, I've found school to be a dead-end. Church? lmao Yeah, right. And work...? Don't make me laugh... again. Bars are never a good place to start a good relationship. So that's why I'd say a dating service/online dating site.

 

Wow. Remember the days when any sort of on-line meeting/relationship/dating was considered questionable? I do. lol.

 

Now there are folks with the opposite outlook. Wow.

 

The times they are a-changing. I prefer traditional methods: meet someone through family, friends, while going about your life. Smile. Get to know each other. Date.

 

Online dating works for some. It's valid too.

[Kevin T]

BTW, although I totally endorse online dating, I'd never, ever do it again. I (personally speaking) would rather be single, alone and miserable than to look for a lover online or through a dating service.

 

Why?

 

Well, it's complicated, but let's just say that if no one wants me at work, school, church and other places I go in public, no one's gonna want me online or via a dating service either. And it's not self-esteem issues either, just life as I've come to experience it.

[wlfpack81]

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[flyingspaghetti]

A couple of thoughts for you...

 

First, I think you are trying too hard to meet people vs. trying to find things you truly enjoy doing. I bet if you engaged in activites you truly enjoy for the sake of doing them to make you happy, the "meeting people" part will take care of itself.

You are correct in the interests and activities. I saw an ad to play ultimate frisbee, and it sounds like a lot of fun. I like the active sport itself, and it would be a great idea to meet others. However, they want membership fees and everything. I do not have the funds for that. A lot of activities and clubs require money, money, and more money. I can't afford that either. *sigh*

 

Secondly, I have had lady friends post profiles on Internet dating sites and fill up hotmail or yahoo email accounts within a couple of weeks. They get so overwhelmed with email they have to take themselves down. So I don't know how you feel about those sites, but it seems to me a good idea.

I am not totally against it nor totally for it. I think it's based on individualized thoughts and feelings. The problem with me is that I am almost 30, and I have never dated before in my life or even hung out with guy friends. Some of the guys I have met in my life (via work or via crushes) don't really want to hang out with me, so I take it personally. That poses a problem for me....self esteem issues. I would like to have knownt that, at least, ONCE in my life I can go out with a guy first before even trying the online dating thing.

 

You are doing the right things, and trust me, you probably don't want to date the guys who can't walk up and talk to you anyways.

I don't think that's entirely true. I have heard about guys who like it when a girl approaches them.

 

I have this problem myself and i'm trying to overcome it. What you're probably doing at this point is reading too much into conversations with other people. Does he like me? Do i like him? Should I talk? Will he like me? etc... IMO, you need to just start talking to people for the sake of talking to people, and nothing else. You don't need a "reason" to talk to someone...just introduce yourself and ask how his day has been going or something.

That's what my friends tell me. I am still quite shyish, so I easily get intimdated by chatterbox people... You know, those who tend to talk A LOT. I get really nervous around them and just feel like running away. I like to talk with people first to get a sense of them and then decide whether or not to pursue their friendship. I don't know. I am just too picky, I guess. But I don't want to be OVERLY picky.

 

Are you having a problem with being upbeat? If so I sometimes use a technique where a visualize a moment in my life when I was on an absolute high, and feeling powerful. Sounds cheesy but it can help you refocus your attitude.

Good idea. I will have to try that. Thanks!

 

I talk to ppl randomly everywhere but I don't expect a relationship of any kind from that. That would be too weird.

It's not too weird. It is just something you would not do. Besides, I mentioned in my above post that I like to get a sense of a person first before just wanting to hang out with them. If they are very much like a chatterbox, then I just try and leave shortly after. I get intimdated easily by chatterboxes. Other than that, it's not every person I see/talk with I want a relationship out of. It's just a matter of wanting to find good places to mingle to meet a guy along the way. Possibilities.

 

What University you go to? Sounds like UCLA.

 

I might start going to the Swing or Salsa lessons on Monday. Best way to find a friend is through dancing I think. You get real close already.

Yeah, unless when you go by yourself to the Swing Dance thing and see everyone else as a couple or with their friends. My friends are all either busy working on those evenings, have kids, or are married/dating, so I don't get a chance to invite them to go with me. Besides, I don't have very many single male friends to accompany me to go dancing.

 

I was watching a new feature on MSNBC the other day that stated 38% of people meet at work/school and another 34% through family/friends.

Yeah, I heard the same thing too. It's just a pity I do not have very many friends. The ones I have are either busy with family/kids or are married or dating. That's another reason why I want to socialize more - to make more friends.

 

I also made sure that all of my social contacts knew that I was available for meeting new people and they continually help me to be in situations to meet new people.

Mine do too. One of my friends says all her male friends are potheads and jerks or have children (which I do NOT want to get involved with), so that is out with her social circle.