Lion-Guy Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 After 3 months NC (established be me after she broke up with me) I decided to e-mail my ex a short sentence to wish her Happy BDay. It was not that I felt the need to speak to her, but I just wanted to be nice and let her know that I remembered. All I got back was a thanks, I had a great BDay, I hear you are keeping busy, good for you, take care. What a let down after I took the guts to open communication with her. She obviously could care less about me. At a time where I was finally feeling good about things (6 months post breakup) I feel like crap today. Oh well..I just thought I would let you all know that ex's are not worth what little effort you spend on them. Move on to someone that appreciates your true value. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 hi lion-guy. yup. you got the reaction that pretty much everyone gets when they tell their ex happy birthday. it's a let down. oh well, now you know not to contact her unless you feel the need to be disappointed. *sigh* Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Yeah, you're probably right Lion guy. I mean a while back a guy I'd broke up with emailed me a few months later. I said something like "Not much has changed, I'm still plugging along, and still allergic to cats." (He was still catsitting... for his ex-girlfriend I'm sure that's not what he wanted to hear. But I didn't want to give him false hope, I just wanted him to be happy, with someone else. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 LOL teddybear! "I'm still allergic to cats." I'm sure that's EXACTLY what your ex wanted to hear from you! lol Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 LOL teddybear! "I'm still allergic to cats." I'm sure that's EXACTLY what your ex wanted to hear from you! lol lol, I know.. It's funny but it actually seemed like the most relevant thing to say. It was a bit of a bone of contention. He was one of those guys trying to impress everyone. To the point he babysat his ex's cat, even though I'm highly allergic. There is a reason I dumped that one. Link to comment
Cute Band Rat Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 **Note to self** Do NOT email ex on his birthday....or any OTHER holiday. He has MY phone number dammit... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Yes, CBR, keep that in mind! And read some of those books, too! Link to comment
Cute Band Rat Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 You know it Teddy...already read one. One day at a time...one day at a time... Link to comment
Lion-Guy Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 hi lion-guy. yup. you got the reaction that pretty much everyone gets when they tell their ex happy birthday. it's a let down. oh well, now you know not to contact her unless you feel the need to be disappointed. *sigh* Yes, another lesson learned in life. Contacting Ex= disappointment Ahh yes cats....I know how you feel......(sneeze). Link to comment
teacup Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 sometimes ppl want to reconnect and sometimes they don't. that's just how it is. Link to comment
bobo85 Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 After 3 months NC (established be me after she broke up with me) I decided to e-mail my ex a short sentence to wish her Happy BDay. It was not that I felt the need to speak to her, but I just wanted to be nice and let her know that I remembered. All I got back was a thanks, I had a great BDay, I hear you are keeping busy, good for you, take care. What a let down after I took the guts to open communication with her. She obviously could care less about me. At a time where I was finally feeling good about things (6 months post breakup) I feel like crap today. Oh well..I just thought I would let you all know that ex's are not worth what little effort you spend on them. Move on to someone that appreciates your true value. What did you expect her to say? That she made a mistake and wants you back? It sounds like you wanted her birthday to be an excuse for both of you to hopefully talk again and get back together. She responded but it wasn't what you wanted to hear. Saying happy birthday should be a selfless act. Let this be a lesson to you. Do not break NC unless it is an emergency or unless you are 100% certain you can handle her response or no response. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 very good point. if she had a change of heart, and decided she wanted you back, she probably wounldn't have waited until you called to wish her a happy birthday, don't you think? Link to comment
Lion-Guy Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 very good point. if she had a change of heart, and decided she wanted you back, she probably wounldn't have waited until you called to wish her a happy birthday, don't you think? Yes and No. She is a very very stubborn person. One of people that might not have the courage to admit wrong doing if she had a change of heart. There is already another guy in the picture (someone she met just before we broke-up) so there is no reason for me to be thinking that she will come back. I was just expecting a little more dialougue and interest from a person I spent 3 years of my life with and haven't seen for 6 months. Link to comment
notanymore Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 lion-guy as u ve already mentioned she s a stubborn person,so there is no point expecting a simple birthday wish to change her heart and repent.its not worth it, trust me,the more u are off it , the more u ll feel better, my ex s b day next month and thnx to this thread i m not wishing her.cheers Link to comment
majord23 Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 There's more than one lesson to be learnt here. First, the obvious one about how breaking NC doesn't always bring us the response we crave. Secondly, the 'unaffected' way your ex replied should also be used as an example as to how we, the 'dumpees', should reply to any contact from the 'dumper'. Short, to the point and not giving them any comfort. It works both ways. Hang in there Lion-Guy. Link to comment
BONO Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 There is an argument to say that not contacting them on their B'day will have more impact than contacting them. 1) What happens if they dont reply ?? Can you take further rejection ?? 2) What happens if they do reply ?? Is this a sign that they want to get back ??? Is it not the case that it will take more strengh and maturity not to break NC and show them that you are moving on, thus poentially becoming more attractive?? Possible Thoughts Of Not Sending Anything To Your EX I wonder why my ex has not send me a card hmmmmm ??? I wonder if they hate me *that* much not even to say happy birthday ??? I wonder if they have just forgotten or something?? They must be busy, right ?! But busy doing what ? Its my birthday!!!! Last year he/she did all those things for me. They cant be *that* busy not even to say happy Birthday.Perhaps he/she is with that new person I've heard about. Oh dear, what have I done ?? So by not contacting them on the pretext of a b'day you have done two key things. Increased your security by being strong and showing that an ex is an ex and as such does not deseve any attention from you at all - you did it well done ! Secondly decresed their security by totally blanking their big day, leaving the reasons why, open to interpretation and thought. As a side note, Its my ex's B'day on Sunday. Last year, I organised a private party for her, bought her a bike and took her out for 2 top class meals. This year - ZIP ! Scruff Link to comment
mikeca Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 haha I enjoyed that post especially "Oh dear, what have I done ??" Link to comment
locolady Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 ahhhh its my ex's birthday in 3 weeks and i was just thinking what i would do when i came accross this post. I had been planning on sending an email - no card, no text message - he will be in germany watching the world cup on his birthday (unless england are out already by the 24th june that is haha!) so its highly unlikely that a) he will check emails then b) he will have time to think/notice if i contact him or not. With that in mind i guess i shouldnt bother at all in line with the advice above - its never going to be the response i would want im sure. HOWEVER - it was my birthday recently and he posted a card all the way to China for me (i was travelling) inside he had written a poem for me commenting on how we spent my last birthday (21st) in barcelona - i do not read into this at all - it was clearly a you are a good person but not for me message - we had a very intense relationship and only recently stopped having any contact at all. If i blank his birthday, wont it look petty? He is a very rational person and i think he will simply think i'm being pathetic, he sees straight through any games i play..... Any advice appreciated....i cant decide what to do. Thanks Link to comment
bobo85 Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 Only say happy birthday if its a selfless act. If you hope the fire can be rekindled because you made contact with your ex than don't bother. Since he sent you a post card at least you can send him a quick ecard or email. there is no harm in that unless you think his response or non response will further delay your healing process. Link to comment
Roxari Posted June 1, 2006 Share Posted June 1, 2006 My ex's birthday is in a few weeks as well. He will get NOTHING from me. That just lets him know I am thinking about him. No thanks. Link to comment
lvlyldy Posted June 1, 2006 Share Posted June 1, 2006 my birthday is coming up in a few months...a month after my ex and I get back to college. I wonder if he'll break NC to wish me anything. His birthday was a week after our break up and even though I tried to be nice, he didnt want anything of me. He spent his birthday pretty much alone and miserable (he told me later). I think if he tried to contact me without the intention of wanting to reconcile, I probably wouldnt reply or answer in any way. I was the dumpee, but I know that i cant win back someone who doesnt want to be won... and I wont be strung along as a "friend". I love him with all my heart, but he and I cant be friends (too many feelings between us) and so there is no point. Sometimes it takes learning it the hard way, I did the same thing you did with my ex for almost 2 1/2 months... I went to him everyday just to "say hi", and I never got more than a very distant hi/bye from him. If thats the way they want it, we just have to give it to them. As thoughtful and caring as we are, and how much we love them... we dont owe them anything, just like they feel they dont owe us anything. After repeatedly being pushed away, you just have to let go. If they want us back and truly care about us, they'll come and find us... otherwise we have to move on and hope for the best. Link to comment
Lion-Guy Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 Ahhhhhh I learned another lesson the hard way today. ERASE your ex's phone number from your cell phone! I just left mine ex's number on my phone for no particular reason. It is not like I was ever planning on calling her. It was just there. Anyhow, I accidentaly called her today (I sat on it somehow and it scrolled down and made a call) I noticed the phone was lit up a min later and it was leaving a blank message. Oh man I felt like and idiot. Plus the thought of her thinking I needed to call her made me feel like crap. I have been so strong for 6 months and never called her. She called me back a few hours later and left a message because there was no way I was going to answer. Something to the like of I couldn't understand your message and I saw you called, so call me if you want. I don't want her to think that I am playing games with her, or that I am trying to get in-touch with her. What should I do? Text message her and tell it was just a mistake? Or should I just leave it the way I have and not do anything? Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I think a quick "Ooops, sorry it was a mistake" text would suffice.... Link to comment
brando Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 That is a strong stement, "EX's are not so worth your time." I guess one needs to look within themsleves to find out why they would feel this way. Just think of the things you are now learning because of it. It really opens ones eyes to themselves, especially the dumper. And don't believe for a minute she wasn't / isn't hurting herself. If i learned anything from my EX it is that people show things differently and react and handle things much differently. Noone is perfect, and their is not a soul on this site who was a perfect bf gf husband wife etc... where a breakup is so out of the question, and so unwarranted that they honestly didn't see it coming. We all make choices, we all make mistakes, but we all need to remember those mistakes and choices we made, they all ahve a consequence. I am not implying that we need to beat ourselves up over what we did or what they (the dumper done) but it is a time now to make a mental note of the little mistakes, or character defects that may have arised in our last relationship and grow from them, so we know not to make them again. Breakups are a great mirror for revealing a cut off , detached part of ourselves we may have never seen. I am sorry thier are no souls which are intact. We all need to grow. Link to comment
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