So what is this closure thing?

[eyeswideopen]

I'm really trying to achieve it, but I'm not really sure I even know what it means..... any ideas of what it means and how to achieve it?

[shorty20]

for me, closure is knowing that it is the end. Closure is getting answers for all the questions you have and basically closing that chapter of your life. Sometimes you can't achieve it. In my last relationship, the guy just decided to stop calling me and to stop taking my calls. I only dated him for a little over 2 months, but not having that closure is making it very hard to move on. It's really hard for me to give myself closure... for some people it's easier. Just tell yourself that you did your best, and that you're better off... that everything happens for a reason and that she wasn't the right one... and that you're free from her so that you can be available for THE ONE whenever she decides to come along...

[Cute Band Rat]

I think closure means when you can come to "terms" or feel at peace with things without bitterness or animosity....how to get to it? I think with a lot of self reflection, and forgiveness.

[teacup]

i dont know. i keep thinking, today is the day that i will get over him! but each day feels like another day of torment. why am i like this? i dont know.

[tylercdurden2004]

I think closure means when you can come to "terms" or feel at peace with things without bitterness or animosity....how to get to it? I think with a lot of self reflection, and forgiveness.

 

Yeah and not relying on others to "give" it to you.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I'm really trying to achieve it, but I'm not really sure I even know what it means..... any ideas of what it means and how to achieve it?

 

I wondered that too. I think it happens diffently for different people. I think what it really means is reaching a level of acceptance that you can live with.

 

I was in love with a guy who was my boyfriend years ago. I was soooo sad when we broke up, I didn't know how that many tears could even come out. (Where the h*ll do they all come from?) In fact, I was so sad I couldn't even eat, to the point I eventually weighed eighty something pounds.

 

Years later, I was driving around with my friends, just hanging out. This song came on, called, "The Heart of the Matter", by Don Henley. Right then I was listening to those lyrics, I realized I had accepted the fact that he and I were never gonna be together again. And I also realized that I wasn't going to just 'stop' loving him, but that I really didn't have to. I felt way better about it ever since. I think that is closure.

[tylercdurden2004]

Hmmm it comes at funny times, sometimes.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Hmmm it comes at funny times, sometimes.

 

Yeah, I guess it does....listen to the song though folks or I don't know maybe it's just me. Still people cringe and look at me funny if they accidentally bring him up...like they think I'm gonna start crying or something...Well actually I guess they have a point, I still do sometimes. I try not to but can't control everything I guess.

[Oldboy]

I'm really trying to achieve it, but I'm not really sure I even know what it means..... any ideas of what it means and how to achieve it?

 

Closure is moving on. Your ex can give it to you or you can have it in you own mind. If you want closure you take it.

[annie24]

For me, it just means that the relationship is over, and to not hang onto any sliver of hope that the relationship could be resurrected. That chapter of your life is over, and you are now opening the next chapter, without them.

 

Sometimes, it is hard for me to get closure also. I've been in some situations where i've had a relationship with a guy far away from me (hundreds or thousands of miles) and then the relationship comes to an end. Sometimes, I've had a "twinge of hope" (either from my own head, or from his insinuation), that things can start up again when he graduates, gets a job in my area, etc etc etc. I had a guy do that to me for the longest time, I think just so he could keep me as his backup plan.

 

Blah.

 

I guess with closure, you are not hanging onto false hope anymore. Now, if that guy actually DID move to my area and got a job, and showed up at my door with flowers, then I would have a right to be hopeful again.

 

*sigh*

[Lion-Guy]

I'm really trying to achieve it, but I'm not really sure I even know what it means..... any ideas of what it means and how to achieve it?

 

Good question. I am still searching for it myself. I think it just takes a long time to put those hurt feelings aside before you have closure.

 

I considered myself to be very forgiving. I hardly ever hold grudges, but I have yet to find forgiveness for my ex ending our relationship.

 

Everyday I want to put my animosity aside and make amends with me ex, but I can't find the strength to give her what she I know she wants (my friendship). I refuse to settle for second best.

 

The deeper the wound, the longer it takes to heal.

[Wimpy]

Personally, I think it's one of the most if not THE most elusive part of the end of any relationship.

 

To me, closure is like finishing a book, all the loose ends are tied up, all the questions answered, all the mysteries solved, everything sorted.

 

Unfortunately, I'm not sure that ever actually happens.

 

In reality I'm beginning to think that the best you can hope for is to simply stop thinking about all the unanswered questions, the "whys"...."how could they?"..... and get on with your life.

 

For me, it's not a finality. It's 13 months since my ex ended our relationship and more or less I'm pretty okay. I don't hanker after him any longer (truth be told I think what a lucky escape I've had). I've moved on with my life and currently am just happy being single. I'd even got to the point where I was hardly ever thinking about him. However last week I found out that he was now back over this side of the world (although not in my country) working and living and I was really angry. Like I control who lives in this continent!

 

It took a few days to sort my head out and realise that there were still unresolved issues and they all boiled down to one particular thing - his lack of any proper acknowledgement for what he did and how it affected me. Slowly but surely I'm realising that I will NEVER get that so the next step is carrying back on along the road I was on.

 

Each time you fall, it takes less time to get up again.

 

Anyhow, I think for each of us the journey to "closure" is a different one - some reach the destination, others don't.

 

Just my thoughts......

[catfish1199]

Hate to resurrect old posts, but my search for "closure" led me here.

 

I was with my ex for 7 yrs. 1 of engagement, she left me. Its been 4 months since. LC, NC until she calls or texts. She knows I am doing well. BUT...

 

She keeps reminding me that she is writing me a letter, but that she is "struggling with her thoughts and words".

 

Is she trying to find closure for herself? Does she think I need it or something? Just trying to extinguish her guilt?

 

I am just tired of waiting for it. Its been 2.5 weeks in the works.

 

Any ideas?

[John Bendix]

It is the same as dealing effectively with anything the world throws your way, acceptance of what is right now.