first date

[izzycat]

Met a guy online and we went out Sat night. I would say we got along quite well; we were out from 8pm til midnight. No goodnight kiss, however ( a quick kiss on the lips, although I was open to more.....). He asked me if I had plans the following day, which I did, and at one point, talked about a place we should try "another time". He hasn't called yet (since Sat night)---not that this is a sign of lack of interest, but how long should one expect to wait???

also, on his profile, he said he was divorced, but told me on the date he's separated, in the process of divorcing. We didn't get into too many details, but he seemed pretty firm about it being over, but I dont' like getting into all that stuff so early on.

Anyhow. Thoughts about his slight misrepresentation re: his status, and on when this guy should call, if in fact he is interested?? Or on the lack of a real kiss???

[renaissancewoman101]

Not all guys kiss on the first date. They dont want to appear too eager to the girl either. A lot of guys like to play it cool so they dont kiss on the first date and then they take a while to set up a second date. If I were you, I would not worry yet. It is only Tues and this was a holiday weekend so he may have been busy with other things. Go on with your life and if you dont hear back from him by the end of this week, you could give him a call and let him know you want to go out again.

 

Or you could just email/call him and let him know you had a good time hanging out with him and that you would like to see him again. When I go out with a guy on a date, I always email or leave a message after the date expressing that I had a good time and that you would like to go out again. That way you put the ball in his court and he is free to call you back to set up another date. If you dont hear back from him then you know he wasnt interested.

 

Good luck!

[dnl940]

I agree with renaissancewoman... I have recently gotten back into dating after a divorce and another ended relationship, and I am just not sure what the rules are anymore. Do you try to kiss on the first date? How long should you wait to call, etc.? I'm sure that is part of what he is going through having just come out of a marriage. But I think more importantly is the fact that he is not divorced yet and where that will leave you. How long have they been separated? Why did he decide to do online dating if he's not divorced yet? I think these are more important questions to ponder instead of the kiss and the call.

[Day_Walker]

Wait a week if you dont get a call back then you know. The misrepresentation was probably meant to signify that he is single, just being separated looks more suspicious especially if you are dating.

[Ash]

Not sure at all why he'd say divorced when he wasn't. If he's separated, he should say that. I honestly think you should sort out the separation / divorced issue. To me, it's a fundamental difference. There's nothing wrong (in my books anyway) in dating when only separated, but there has to be a reason he said one when it was the other.

 

If you met him online, and haven't heard from him online yet ... then he may not be quite as interested as you'd like him to be. But I could easily be wrong.

 

Kiss aside, did he give you a real hug? It's safer and easier to give a real hug rather than a real kiss. Again, from personal experience, most of my dates got a hug, there's a lot of info in a hug too.

 

I don't want to burst your bubble, on the other hand I don't think you should be thinking of a long term exclusive relationship with this guy until he give you a more definite sign. Keep your options open I think is what I would suggest.

[izzycat]

Honeslty, I'm not even sure I like this guy all that much, but I feel like I always give guys at least another chance, as first dates are always a little weird and awkward. Experience has shown me that guys almost always write or email very soon after a date if they're truly into you and want to see you again. He still hasn't made any contact (since a Sat night date). Now, guys out there, why would a guy ask several times about doing something the next day/ask me if I was busy (which I was) and even talk about a restaraunt he wanted to check out with me "another night"???

I mean, why say this sort of thing if you're not gonna call??? I just don't get it. Here I am, willing to give him another chance after he was only partially honest about his marital status, and not even sure I was that attracted to him, and it already feels like he's moving right along past me.

A female friend told me "they have 7 days to call" after a first date.....not sure where she heard that one. I"m feeling very disenchanted with the whole dating thing and about the prospect of ever meeting someone.

What are guys looking for, and what's with the mixed signals, fellas?? I'm aware women give out mixed signals too, but the minds of men can be hard to figure...

[Ash]

I wonder if he dated somebody else subsequently and is now reluctant to call back. That can happen, especially if somebody is chasing dates really hard. And no, it's certainly not fair he should say something and not follow up.

 

As for figuring other people out (men in your case), it's sometimes really hard to tell what is on somebodies mind, particularly when you don't know them. I don't think this is a man (or woman) thing as much as it's just human nature.

 

Don't get discouraged, okay? Just keep trying, try to take things as they come. Enjoy the dates for what they are. You will eventually meet somebody you click with.

[izzycat]

Thanks for the nice and encouraging response. Hmm.....are you single?? Ha ha.... Yeah, it's frustrating! He was all gangbusters on the date, then.......nothing. Go figure. I do try to just take each date as a little adventure/experience....and I'm not losing sleep over this one. I even rode on his stupid moped with him!! Yes, a moped.

[Ash]

I sometimes thing too that people can act a certain way on a date because they think that's the thing to do, then realize later perhaps they weren't being themselves.

 

Good that you're not losing sleep over it, it's not ultimately worth it in the end. I guess a moped ride wouldn't be as much fun as a whirl on a sexy sport bike, would it!

[izzycat]

Ash---I was (partially!!) kidding about the are you single thing...you're pretty far north there. (i'm in boston) but the age is right, and you seem thoughtful and genuine. What do you make of a moped, anyhow?? Most of my friends laughed when I told them about that.....like, who the hell drives mopeds these days? (in the city, at any rate...)

[Ash]

Ash---I was (partially!!) kidding about the are you single thing...you're pretty far north there.

 

I'm still somewhat flattered (partially!!) *winks* And I must admit, I'm not the guy pictured in my avatar ...

 

Mopeds are cool in a retro kind of way, but I'd think they'd be a bit cooler in a his and hers combo rather than a two for one deal. Of course, they're nowhere near as awesome as a Vespa would be!

 

I think I'd tend to classify a moped as either cute or creepy, depending on the person they came equipped with. Another possibility is the rider is a real character, in which case I'd tend to laugh with them rather than at them. To put this all in perspective (that is, perhaps unusual means of transport), I used to race a Yugo. So, I got used to getting laughed at!

 

Again though, thanks for the pleasant comments. I can't see why you wouldn't do just fine in a date. I think the problem is likely going to be with the other person, not you. I do hope you can feel confident and enjoy yourself while you're out there!