Email to The "Other Guy".??

[Sluggo]

Should I email this?

 

"Bill

 

It has come to my attention you and mary are spending a great deal of time together and growing closer. I'm sure your aware of me but don't know what she's shared with you. I invested everything to come out here for her. I dropped job and my own family concerns to be with her. Circumstances are keeping us apart and we are going through a very tough time. All relationships do. But often if another steps in it can ruin it for all concerned.

 

I'm completely head over heels in love with M and want to spend the rest of my life with her. This is the first major test we've had and so far your being there at a time of weakness isn't helping. I know deep down you'd never do anything to hurt me or her but I must warn you we are on the verge of losing everything if you persist.

 

I fear your interference on any level intentional or not will destroy all we have worked towards.

 

Are you comfortable knowing you are contributing to ruining another relationship? Are you confident enough in what you understand at this very moment is a true test of love and devotion?

 

 

Are you prepared to give 7-10-50 years towards M? Can you come through on all levels or are the attractions a bit less all encompassing?

 

We have been together through thick and thin. 7 years ago she had a tough time with her husband and we got close. I knew I couldn't interfere and forced her to do all in her power to save her marriage and family. I resisted selfish self gratification to make sure she had a chance.

 

Soon afterwards she was thrown out and came to me in tears alone and homeless and I took her. We've been together ever since..

 

 

I don't want to lose mary due to poor timing and it seems like at any moment it will be over for us and directly related to you. Yes it takes the 2 of you but could you be reading more into this?

 

Bob she is the one true love of my life. I want you to please think of this as thing progress with each other and hopefully you can realize what your doing. I know deep down we are meant for each other but the way things are I fear any interference will destroy it all.

 

Please don't let this get out of hand."

 

Opinions?

 

Sluggo

[melrich]

definitely do not send it.

 

Have you spoken to Mary about Bob?

[DN]

Don't send it.

 

You need to address this issue with her not with him.

[agent1607307371]

Don't send it.

 

This guy owes you no allegiance.

 

If you have relationship troubles, take them up with the one you are in a relatiosnhip with.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

You should work it out with Mary.

 

I believe it is up to her to either maintain, or alternatively not maintain her boundaries within your relationship. If she chooses not to, and that is not ok with you, then you end the relationship.

 

Same goes in reverse of course.

[AwdreeHpburn]

agreed sluggo.

 

no commitment was broken by Bill. He owes you nothing but Mary on the other hand may have issues that the two of you will need to straighten out.

[Sluggo]

Thanks everyone..

 

Gee I guess I still can't believe someone would do that.

 

What kind of man does that? I know it's common but I coluld never interfere. I had one chance and it took all I had to resist, t'was with mary

 

I alluded to how we got together, we were class mates and several outings got us close. I didn't know she was married and we kinda found each other. fater I knew it was hard. We gently kissed once and I flipped out! I insisted she back off and don't look for an easy way out. Save her family and marriage. It was very hard for me as I knew I loved her. We saw each other daily due to school so the tmptations was constant.

I resisted almost a year! And am proud of that.

 

Her husband threw her out and I let her move in as she was homeless. I made her go back but he was through wouldn't let her back. I gave her my room and slept in the living room and never once touched her. But fell in love with her. We only made love after the divorce was filed.She was long gone and he was involved with another womam already. See I'm no saint but it's a far cry from at the same time..

 

I can at least sleep at night knowing I didn't contribute to the demise. No we're not married but...geez..

 

I've seen women who were involved with friends I've inquired a couple times..Not hard. It's like that Beer commercial about being a man discussing how to appraoch this very thing. 1st answer is"she's breaking up with your friend, she's breaking upo with you" But what if she's real hot?..ok 6 months! Funny but some truth.

 

To just jump in and help yourself in a weak time..gee what do you do with a guy like that? or the girl...?

 

Thanks and I'd love to hear more!

 

Sluggo

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I've seen women who were involved with friends I've inquired a couple times..Not hard. It's like that Beer commercial about being a man discussing how to appraoch this very thing. 1st answer is"she's breaking up with your friend, she's breaking upo with you" But what if she's real hot?..ok 6 months! Funny but some truth.

 

Huh? I'll be honest, this paragraph is barely coherent.

[melrich]

What kind of man does that? I know it's common but I coluld never interfere. I had one chance and it took all I had to resist, t'was with mary

 

What exactly is this other guy doing?

[Sluggo]

OK I'll try again. Miller Beer tv commercial Unwritten Man Rules. Roundtable of "men" discussing and comically addressing issues that can rise up, like your best friend breaking with a girl. What't the protocal? Answers are like 2 Saturday, a new hairdo, "she breaks up with him she breaks up with you forever!" then a guys asks what if she'd real hot and they all stop to think and come up with "6 months" and they got an old guy writting the rull in the big book hahaha very funny! It's online link removed

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

No I'm familiar with the commercial. Just have no idea what your point is.

[Sluggo]

What exactly is this other guy doing?

 

OK my girls and I are having a rough time due to many factors, none major and all coming to a close. In the coming months we will both be free of kids and respopnsibilities which are over coming us. She's going through a lot having to live with one of her sons etc...

 

So this guy is inviting her over and they have a common interest..she's expressing that she's feeling something towards him but has yet to act. She's confused. I've done all I can lately but it's a delicate time. Recently we have not been communicating as I feel he is providing advice that is good for him not her and certainly not me.

 

By him being there she doesn't have to look at us and work through anything with me. She may be deluded into thinking this will last but I know how this guy operates, he's a real talker. He once made a lewd suggestion about Mary in front of his wife (he just got divorced). Mary didn't notice but I did. i was secure at the time and just filed it away.

 

I'm prepared to propose marriage in the coming year as things mellow out. We're so perfect together, but as I said things have gotten in the way.

 

Now..

 

He's allowed her an outlet for her fears and concerns. He has provided an outlet which should be directed towards me. This is dangerous. I'm quite certain he's mr right now, but I have no intention of allowing an affair to progress and nothing change on my end.

 

Right now it's all on the table for her to decide. She will lose me forever if she consciuously proceeds.

 

I have let go and now am concerned she will make a mistake that will hurt her...I really love her and could handle a break but this won't be good for her I know..

 

Sluggo

[melrich]

Well then I think you really need to talk to her about her concerns. And why delay on the marriage proposal if you are so certain? Haven't you been together a long time?

[Sluggo]

No I'm familiar with the commercial. Just have no idea what your point is.

 

A bit of levity in an otherwise hard time for me.

 

Also since morals have sorta been tossed out the window it's like a free-for-all out there.

 

We've all been in this situation what do you do?

 

Man Rules..!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

A bit of levity in an otherwise hard time for me.

 

Also since morals have sorta been tossed out the window it's like a free-for-all out there.

 

We've all been in this situation what do you do?

 

Man Rules..!

 

What do you mean by what do I do? You mean for a living?? Or what? Or do you mean what would I do? I already advised you what I would do. Sorry not trying to be rude, seriously is english your native language?

[tylercdurden2004]

. He once made a lewd suggestion about Mary in front of his wife (he just got divorced). Mary didn't notice but I did. i was secure at the time and just filed it away.

 

 

I bet she did notice. By what you said it doesnt sound like you set very clear boundaries with her.

[Sluggo]

Well then I think you really need to talk to her about her concerns. And why delay on the marriage proposal if you are so certain? Haven't you been together a long time?

 

I finally brought it up, mentioned I could see us married, and wasn't met with the same total negativity so I'm going back to see her this week and do so formally. It popped out before I could think about it so in retrospect I'd have preferred to spring it upon her but...

 

But with bill bs'ing about a love affair..it makes the responsibility of marriage look less appealling..or could in the right space..and like I said times are hard for us with bills (money and William!) logistics, work, living, spaces, tons of stuff hat you don't want to here. But as I said the recent development of bill we have never had a serious argument or problem. Not one!

 

Sluggo

[Sluggo]

What do you mean by what do I do? You mean for a living?? Or what? Or do you mean what would I do? I already advised you what I would do. Sorry not trying to be rude, seriously is english your native language?

 

 

 

It's a JOKE!!!

 

 

Like waddya s'possed ta do? Not specifically directed towards you.....ok..

 

 

....sigh....

 

 

S

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

It's a JOKE!!!

 

 

Like waddya s'possed ta do? Not specifically directed towards you.....ok..

 

 

....sigh....

 

 

S

 

Ahaaa! Now that makes more sense!

[agent1607307371]

You've posted elsewhere that Mary has had two divorces already. Can I ask what brought them about?

 

And do you and Mary have a clearly defined and agreed upon exclusive relationship?

[Sluggo]

You've posted elsewhere that Mary has had two divorces already. Can I ask what brought them about?

 

And do you and Mary have a clearly defined and agreed upon exclusive relationship?

 

Hi

1st she was young and sorta kicked out of the house.

2nd pregnant and talked into it. They said for 12 years and that's when we met.

 

Our realtionship has been understood. We've lived together but kept separate rooms. I just found out her kids think we are just best friends?! Which was surprizing as we never consciously hid but they are part time for the most part.

 

As all this arose i insisted if we work through it she tell themthe nature of our relationship. Just tell them we fell in love past doesn't have to be brought up if they don't ask..She actually asked the youngest about her "dating" and he said NO! But he's 17 so ..grow up..

 

But we have always agreed upon an exclusive realtionship with each other. That is why surprised and hurt by her announcment I do believe her in that she is just getting weak and may either want a change or more of a commitment...could go either way..I fear...as the times got weird...

 

As of now if she proceeds I'll leave her for good. She'd convinced I'll stay.I have no idea where she got that from...

 

Sluggo

[Momene]

I don't know if this really helps or not but I was in a not too dissimilar situation 22 years ago. My first wife seemed a bit distant (right maybe that's one reason I worry about my wife (2nd) being distant now). She seemed to talk to one of my friends (unattached) a bit more than before and I started to feel uneasy. Of course, he was my friend and she was my wife, so there wasn't any reason why I shouldn't trust them, right?

 

My wife left, claiming that nobody else was involved. I didn't believe her and searched the house for any evidence. I thought it might be someone she worked with or a friend of a friend, I didn't think it could be anyone from my own circle.

 

When I found out that they were together, the penny dropped!

 

Now what I don't understand is this Bill guy's role in all this. Is he one of your friends? If so, he does owe you an explanation of what his intentions are. If he doesn't he owes you nothing, even though I agree with you that hanging round someone in the hope their relationship breaks is like a vulture waiting for something to die.

 

Mary definitely owes you an explanation but DON'T suffer the indignity of her deciding to take her time to choose between you and Bill.

 

22 years on, I'm remarried and, yes, I have issues with my wife and there's no guarantee we'll survive as a couple beyond our daughter leaving home but the lessons I learned were:

 

1. My first wife simply wasn't the person I thought she was and I'd have been better off on my own than be with her

 

2. It was a bit painful being my friend but it would have been someone else sooner or later anyway. In your case, it's Bill today but could be someone else tomorrow or next week

 

3. There are FAR better people in the world than my ex-wife and we were just never compatible anyway

 

4. Had I followed up on my suspicions, there was nothing I could have done to stop it and even if I did, see #2

[tylercdurden2004]

Mary definitely owes you an explanation but DON'T suffer the indignity of her deciding to take her time to choose between you and Bill.

 

So true.