Need some help...

[TalkTalk]

I know you all get this question alot...but here goes. Hi, I'm a 17 year old guy, and I'm bisexual. (Gosh, this is easier than I thought it would be!) Only two or three of my closest friends know I'm bi (and I'm not sure that one of them remembers, we were drunk when I told him). Anyway, there's this guy, two years younger than me, who I really like. I haven't known him very long, but we grew really close really quickly. At first meeting, I was attracted, both physically, and emotionally. He was nice to me. He talked to me, smiled at me, looked at me...I don't know.

 

Earlier today (or yesterday, technically), he and I were at a graduation party for one of our friends. We just chilled for seven hours, playing volleyball. I like volleyball; it's one of the sports I can actually do. So we're playing on sand, it doesn't hurt, so I'm diving for the ball, since nobody goes after it. On one occasion, I hit the ground hard with my shoulder, somehow roll backwards over my head, and come to rest with my head off the court in the mud. So, he comes over and kneels down and repeatedly asks if I'm okay, helps me up, dusts the sand off my back (and lower back!), shoulders, all the while looking me in the eyes, smiling when I smile and thank him.

 

At other points, he would just randomly come over to me and hug me, put his arm around me, stuff like that. He always seems to be smiling when I'm around...

 

So what I really want to know is...do you think he likes me or not?

[robowarrior]

Difficult to say, it might just be a thing mates would do. Anyway with guys its always a 'dangerous' topic. Are you sure you are bi and not gay? i mean are there actually girls you are attracted to too? I guess that's irrelevant but since you don't mention any girls you like it made me wonder. In any case you don't want to scare him away but on the other hands you'll probably explode if you don't confess your love to him. I see it as a win win situation actually , if you confess to him and he says no you can move on with your life, if he says yes , you got a date. But since this whole gay thing is still a rather big stigmata in society i would like to press you on the heart to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

[TalkTalk]

I know I'm bi, there are girls I'm attracted to (including one at the moment...another story for another time). And thanks for your help!

[lil_kaila]

I don't really see what the fact if talktalk is bi or not has anything to do with it but whatever....

 

The more important question is: Is the guy gay or bi?!?!?

 

Because if he is then I think you should just ask him out or tell him you like him! If you don't know if he's into guys or not then it's a lot riskier. Find out about that first.... possibly by asking him what he thinks about gay people or somehow bringing it up in a conversation.

 

To me it sounds like he likes you, but wether that is a a friend or as more is hard to tell. Keep paying attention to all the signs. How does he act around other people? Is he a touchy feely guy in general or does he only hug you?

 

Good Luck!

[TalkTalk]

Yeah, I plan on finding out about his views on it/his sexuality before I actually say anything. I read something in another thread about watching his eyes, how our pupils dilate when we're around someone we're attracted to or something of that sort. I'll have to look for that next time I spend time with him.

 

I'm not really sure if he's touchy-feely in general. From what I observed over the seven hours, he's not really. No, he doesn't hug ONLY me, but he does hug me with more frequency than I've seen him hug other people...I dunno.

 

Thanks alot for helping!

[Tigris]

Does he have a close friend that you can ask about his sexuality?

 

Get to know him better as a friend before you make a move on him.

 

Good luck

[TalkTalk]

Yes, he does. And I was planning on becoming better friends...I wasn't planning on just calling him up tomorrow and asking him out...

 

What I plan to do is have a bunch of parties this summer, invite him to them, and spend time getting to know him, talking with him and stuff like that.

 

Thanks!

[TalkTalk]

Just talked to his best friend, she says he's completely straight...

 

...but maybe he's just insecure about it? Probably not, though...

[Jinx]

I read the post and there is potential he is gay, bi or just secure in his sexuality and is a friendly being who likes you as a friend.

 

Just talked to his best friend, she says he's completely straight...

 

True, that is possible, but to ask my best friend she probably would of said the same thing before I came out directly to her.

 

I don't know how she can possibly conclude he is entirely straight unless he is seeing someone, states that he is secure in a non-homophobic way but not interest, or they've got a friendship with benefits going or something that gives her in depth insight.

 

I often wonder if asking the straight best friend whom is of the opposite sex. If she likes him better than a friend, even if he were gay, if she has a jealous bug she'd never tell you. Competition for something she'd never get, but still can try.

 

Her attitude may swing his comments too.

 

It is really hard to decide based on a best friend's comments unless you're absolutely sure he is being truthful with her, and she is being absolutely truthful with you. There is such a broad potential for little tidbits and things to be left out.

 

Like others said I think the best would to get to know him and judge for yourself. Its the best way I think. I wouldn't give up but nor would I get my hopes up too much this early into the "game" so to speak.

[Tigris]

Just become friends and I'm sure you'll discover the truth.

[TalkTalk]

Well, I threw a party today to celebrate the end of the school year, and he came, along with my best friend, who I first came out to. She watched him, and said that he always had his eyes on me. Plus, the entire time he was here, we were busy trying to dunk each other in the pool...and he started it. Plus, at points, he'd randomly come up behind me or beside me and put his arms around me. Dunno if that changes opinions out there.

 

Tigris - working on that. ^_^

 

Jinx - I kept that in mind, too, and that's why I'm not giving up, even though I don't hold TOO much hope.

[TalkTalk]

He texted me today. He's always really eager to hang out, which seems like a good sign.

 

On the other hand, I'm afraid I might have pissed him off/pushed him away. At my party, he was the only Freshman (technically Sophomore by now, but we still called him the Freshman). In good fun, I made fun of him. I think I went too far, but that could be just my self-consciousness.

 

Thank you everyone, for helping so much! I'm glad that there's a place I could come, even online, that I KNOW will be accepting and loving.

[Tigris]

Well if you think you've upset him talk to him about it and put it right. Misunderstandings can always be sorted out.

 

Feel free to PM me anytime.

[Jinx]

In good fun, I made fun of him. I think I went too far, but that could be just my self-consciousness.

 

Well if he is still texting you and everything else and acting normal I doubt it bothered him that much or if it did, it wasn't major.

 

For your sake and just to make sure, you can always just make a casual comment that You're sorry that you got carried away at the party but meant it in fun, didn't mean to bother. You've got it covered pretty much and its open enough that he can judge. Then you'll just need to keep a minor mental note to avoid such grief to yourself over thinking, "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

 

Sounds like he may be potentially interested if he was that intent, as for the arms around you, I've had guys gay and straight do that to me under what they consider a friendly gesture and do that among themselves but it isn't prolonged. I think you may consider just how long he keeps his hand there and when he does. Like I said in my experience personally and observing some guys use it for an emphasis point in conversation, a "Stop already and listen" in a passive manner, or for momentary greeting in a way.

 

As for the looks like I said, if it was intent it may be a good sign but never completely positive. I don't know if I mentioned this in my prior post or if you mentioned this maybe, but try having a conversation with him and keep eye contact. See just how long he holds or how he reacts, then watch him interacting with other guys he is friends with. That seems to tell at least some between gay men.

 

Hopefully more positive will come out of this. Keep us updated.

[TalkTalk]

Everything's fine, I apologized to him, and he wasn't upset at all. Whew. I feel like I just got a herd of elephants off my back.

 

I'll have to try that eye contact thing, except every time I talk to him, I get really nervous and tend to look anywhere but at him. #-o Guess I should work on that.

[Jinx]

I'll have to try that eye contact thing, except every time I talk to him, I get really nervous and tend to look anywhere but at him. #-o Guess I should work on that.

 

Well eye contact if you're not used to it is one of those things that are awkward to work with at first. If you're not use to using it period anyone is a good option. That is how I got used to it, just make strong constant eye contact with everyone and eventually it just becomes a regular habit which is positive in its own right.

[TalkTalk]

I don't have a problem with eye contact, except with people that I'm interested in. So...guess I gotta just make myself look at him when I talk. Oh, geez. That's gonna feel so weird. Lol.

[TalkTalk]

Well, I called and left a message inviting him to a movie on Sunday. Can't wait to see what he says!

 

It's not just gonna be the two of us though...that'd be kinda awkward. So, I invite the previously-mentioned best friend, so that she can keep me down on the earth lol.

[Deviant_Kate]

Maybe you should start a conversation about all the anti-gay political goings-on. Something like "Hey, did you know the Marriage Protection Amendment* bombed?"

See how he reacts, maybe say something like "I don't know why everybody thinks gay people shouldn't get the same rights as everybody else."

That way, you can get a feel on whether or not he's homophobic. If he's not, you can tell him you like him, and even if he turns you down, you can (hopefully) still be friends.

 

 

*I don't know how politically aware 17 year old boys are, but the Marriage Protection Amendment was a proposed amendment to the Constitution that would forever ban gay marriage. It went to the Senate on Monday, and did not pass (thank goodness!)

[TalkTalk]

Personally, I'm VERY politically aware, I go to Student Congress/Public Forum debate events and such, and I'm an active member of alot of online political groups. I just don't know about his political activity.

 

We'll probably end up talking about it on Sunday

[TalkTalk]

Turns out it didn't happen. We both had other things come up and had to cancel.

 

Now I don't know when I'll see him, because I'm leaving on Friday until the 25th. I'm going to try to have a party before then and invite him to that, and we can hang out and talk for a while. I'll update either after that, or after I come back from NYC.

[Tigris]

Don't forget the saying, 'Absense makes the heart grow fonder!'

 

Lets hope it works for you.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Deviant_Kate]

I didn't mean to imply that you weren't politically aware - I just didn't know, and I didn't want to give you a conversation suggestion that you didn't know anything about. The only boy I know close to your age is my 16 year old brother, and he's completely uninterested in politics.

[pianoguy]

Have you considered telling this guy that you're gay or bi?

[TalkTalk]

Tigris- I sure hope so, and thanks!

 

DeviantKate- I understand. The majority of people my age are very politically unaware, so it was a relatively safe assumption.

 

pianoguy- At points I've considered telling him that I'm bi. I don't think he'd take it so badly, and I'm pretty sure he's open minded, but I want to hear from him first that he either doesn't care if someone's gay/bi, or that he hates the way that there's a law trying to be passed to block them from marrying. (I hope that sentence made sense)