I can't stand my kids

[AwdreeHpburn]

of course this is a gross exaggeration but I have no coping skills so they always get to me on a level that nothing else does.

 

I must be the worst person on earth to say as many times as I have that I shouldn't have had kids but I have NO patience anymore.

 

I let them get away with doing naughty stuff all day long and then they spill a glass of water and with no warning I fly off the handle.

 

I'm inconsistent, impatient and have no coping skills. I'm ruining their coping ability as well as making myself unpredictable and thereforeeee feared.

 

I'm trying to get ready for company coming over and I keep getting interruptions with one kids fighting, or SPILLING GREEN GLITTER ALL OVER THE FLOOR. ](*,)

 

i can't take it anymore....

 

i hate that i'm like this. i think i have some serious issues.

[DN]

Realise that kids have an inherent design flaw - two vital components are missing. A volume control and on/off switch.

 

But it's ok - wait until you have grandkids. That's the best revenge. You spoil 'em rotten and then, once they have become unbearable, you hand 'em back to their parents with a smug smile.

[alteer]

Oh Ta ree saw....I feel for you.

 

How old are your kids?

 

I know that I've felt like you soooooooo many times. The little buggers know how to push our buttons.

 

There are moments when I can't stand my kids as well.....and wonder what the hell I was doing having them in the first place. But then I take a deep breath, look at them, force a smile........and go on. I love them to death.......as I'm sure you do............but geez they can try the patience of a saint.

[Scout]

I let them get away with doing naughty stuff all day long and then they spill a glass of water and with no warning I fly off the handle.

 

I'm inconsistent, impatient and have no coping skills. I'm ruining their coping ability as well as making myself unpredictable and thereforeeee feared.

 

I'm trying to get ready for company coming over and I keep getting interruptions with one kids fighting, or SPILLING GREEN GLITTER ALL OVER THE FLOOR. ](*,)

 

i can't take it anymore....

 

i hate that i'm like this. i think i have some serious issues.

 

Hi Ta Ree Saw,

 

Geez, sounds like you're having a really rough day, hon. I don't have children myself, but I often fear when I do, that I'll run into the same difficulties. It's an incredibly hard job, and no one is capable of doing it perfectly.

 

Some of us were recently talking about the issues of discipline versus punishment, and boundaries versus strictness. It seems consistency is the key, but even consistent discipline and actions need some time to "take" with kids. But once they do, apparently things run a lot smoother.

 

Maggie, DN...wanna chime in here with some tips?

[tylercdurden2004]

I think you need the Super Nanny to pay you a visit!

 

Take a look at things like operant conditioning. It might give you an understanding of behaviour.

[Scout]

As a quick short fix, are any of the kids old enough to help you get ready for company? Maybe if you enlisted them in this "project" they might behave well, and kind of get into helping you. You could also assign them with their own specific tasks to do while company is over...like passing around snacks, picking up the plates, napkins, etc.

 

Of course, if they're very young, this might not work.

[DN]

How much time do you spend away from the kids? 'Me time' or with a significant other?

 

But, more importantly, how much time do you spend interacting with the kids on a creative level. Playing with them, reading to them, getting them up to your level and getting you down to their level?

 

When is the last time you played hide and go seek with them (or whatever)?

 

How often do you have fun and giggle with them, sing with them, chase them around the house?

 

Sometimes, you gain their respect by goofing with them and then you get them on your side and that makes it much easier to discipline them. Because now you are a friend as well as an authority figure.

[melrich]

I was going to tie and gag my kids for the day yesterday but thought the better of it. I may do it tonight.

 

Don't worry, we all feel it. Ungrateful little.......

[renaissancewoman101]

Ta_ree_saw, I feel for you. Kids can really get to you and they have some inherent ability to know when to push your buttons at the wrong time. How old are you kids? Like Scout said, maybe your kids can help you get ready for company. Most kids like to help out. They, esp the younger ones, see it as something fun to do, not like a chore.

 

A few years ago, I really couldnt wait to find the right guy, get married, and have kids. Then I decided to go after my masters in teaching and I had to complete about 40 clinical hours of working in a classroom. I ended up working in a kindergarten class and I realized how much work it is to discipline kids, keep them in line, interact with them, etc. After that semester, I am really not sure right now if I ever want kids. Kids scare me, esp by the time they are in 5th or 6th grade, a lot of them are taller than me already

[Hope75]

Ta ree saw,

 

Have you thought about joining a support group for parents? Many towns and cities have these, a group where parents meet once a week (with the kids who play while the parents talk) and exchange frustrations, as well as ideas to manage difficult times.

 

Sometimes it just helps to hear another parents' perspective and get that support from those who have been through the same thing.

 

If you call your local hospital, community center or police station, they may have some information for you. Bulleton boards at the supermarket are another good place to look for such a group. Do you have friends who are parents? Maybe you could start one with them?

[Scotcha]

I know *just* how you feel. My son knows how to push and push and then push some more until I feel as if I'm at my breaking point. Quite honestly I've wanted to throw him accross the room. Of course I never have nor would I but I'm left feeling like a terrible mother. I've been known to say that kids are so cute only because otherwise no one would keep them around. The thing of it is, that's their job, to test their limits and boundries.

 

And you love your kids otherwise the title of your post wouldn't be called "I can't stand my kids" with a big huge frowny face. Some feelings last and others come and go and this feeling left you with some guilt. But it's okay to feel that way. It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother. I don't know of any parent that hasn't been pushed to their limits.

 

This is something that may or may not work for you but it does work for me. (With varying results of course!) If my son does not listen to me or goes against my word there is a consequence. It doesn't matter what it is, it could be that I asked him to put his shoes where they belong or that it is time to settle down before bedtime. It's helped remarkebly with him trying to "push the envelope" because before I started doing this I too was inconsistent, caring about somethings and not others.

[Q10]

Well you can always "forget" to pick them up, can't you. Ask "alteer" if you need help over that subject LOL

I like DN's idea, thanks for the warning, another reason to not have kids. lol

[Scotcha]

No, I didn't mean fogetting, everyone forgets. My son isn't old enough to have chores to remember to do anyway. I mean if I tell him to do something and he flat out doesn't mind me. I believe that instilling respect is important. Minding and forgetting are two very different things.

[alteer]

Well you can always "forget" to pick them up, can't you. Ask "alteer" if you need help over that subject LOL

I like DN's idea, thanks for the warning, another reason to not have kids. lol

 

Thanks for that Q10 lol And I still feel like crap about it.......

[Scout]

LOL, Alteer!

[AwdreeHpburn]

WOW!!! Thanks everyone! I am overwhelmed at the response this got. Thanks for all the understanding and good, good tips.

 

Tyler - yes Nanny 911 is needed.

 

DN, i hear you, and I know that interaction is the cure. When I do apply it, it works wonders. It HAS been a while, you totally called that one. We've been REALLY busy around here lately.

 

As for including them in the cleaning, oh yeh - they were helping but get easily distracted and I was too focused to reel 'em back in.

 

I have three - 7, 4 and 2 1/2.

 

I am a stay at home mom, and I work from home.

 

i think I just get overwhelmed and am getting burned out.

 

My four year old will start pre-school in the fall so that will help. We used to do the parent/mommy classes etc. but we just don't have the time anymore and it sucks because its only hurting them.

 

But the real issue is, I'm not cut out for this and should've never decided to stay at home.

 

Thanks Scotcha and Alteer for relating. Its nice to know I'm not alone. I suck as a mom, but I'm not alone in the frustration.

[Tesseract_Witch]

As a child myself, my parents are ALWAYS telling me that I am the cause of all their gray hairs, blood pressure issues, and overall aging process. They don't offer me any negative vibes; just people being people--I am no angel, but hardly anything more diabolical than a child (if that isn't enough strife!) I don't believe your children will think that you detest them; why, they will look back on all those times you were there for them in any way--you were because you loved them.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Thanks Tesseract. Good point. And I don't detest them or ever let on that I feel like I shouldn't have had them.

 

They DO know that I'm frustrated a lot and that's enuff for me to chill, but I hate getting that way.

[Tesseract_Witch]

"And I don't detest them or ever let on that I feel like I shouldn't have had them."

 

I know you don't detest them; some fear that their children will see them as hateful parents--as you said, it isn't the case. Frustration happens, but as long as you aren't suffering any physical complications, it subsides and everyone knows you aren't just a crotchety old miser!

[sonjam]

Ta ree saw

 

Even if you don't say any of these things, the kids will pick up on the vibes, they are very sensitive that way. I attended parenting classes, and read lots of books, because I know whatever my actions or feelings are - it has an effect on the kids. Any all of us has our flaws, nobody is a perfect parent.

 

By realizing you are doing things wrong, you have taken the first step. Now how about finding a way to change your attitude, and your actions? I know it is hard, especially when you are high strung and over worked, and irritable, but you know what, it is worth it in the long run.

 

I read a book awhile back, and I believe this is my bible to parenting kids older than 2 - it is called "How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk". It was written by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, it has really great ideas in dealing with emotional overload, or what others calls "tantrums", and a whole host of other difficulties.

 

Get it, read it, and use it, you won't be sorry, and you will be doing something really positive for you kids.

[Scout]

Ta Ree Saw, in this discussion on parenting some of us were having the other day, someone brought up the very good point that the reason most parents don't put out boundaries and practice consistent discipline is because they are afraid their kids will think they don't love them. But, kids desperately want and need boundaries, because it provides them with a necessary stable structure as their cognitive abilities - and coping skills as they grow older - are developing.

[AwdreeHpburn]

you're totally right scout. And I can't deny there is a bit of fear. I had an abusive childhood and I don't want to be as restrictive with my kids.

 

Which is nutty because in turn, what I'm inadvertantly doing is just as bad.

 

When they're doing something naughty one minute and getting away with it but and the very next minute, the very same thing they'll be punished for....they must think I'm a nutter!

 

Who can live with that kind of unpredictability??

 

I'm just sooooo burned out I don't know how to change it and get myself motivated enough to engage them more than that.

[Hope75]

Ta ree saw,

 

You've mentioned feeling burnt out a few times. Is there anyone who can watch your kids, even for an hour or two a week, on a regular basis, so you can get out of the house and have some time for yourself?

 

Even if it's to take a walk, get your nails done, take a nap, read a magazine, visit a friend for coffee and some "grown up talk", something that allows you to have some "me" time to decompress and rejuvinate yourself.

 

Sometimes we can get so lost in our role as a parent that we forget that we too, are a person with needs just like everyone else. Constantly denying ourselves even a short time to do what WE want and to have a break from the role of "mom" who is always needed, always on the go, can easily lead to burn out like you mentioned.

 

 

Since you are a stay at home mom you don't even have an adult workplace as a sort of "get a way", even for a few hours, so it's important if you have someone who can come in, even for 2 hours a week to relieve you and allow that time for yourself.

 

It is even worth it to pay a sitter 20$ if you can afford to do so and have no friends or family members around who are willing to do that for you.

[alteer]

Not saying you should do any of the following. But as a single mother these sneaky little tricks helped me out when feeling like I could TAKE IT NO MORE!!!

 

1. Play hide n' seek. (this was my fave game when my kids were little) But make sure they are the ones that hide, this will give you time to sit down and have a HOT cuppa. Just make sure you call out every now and then "I'm coming", "Gee you guys are sooooo hard to find".

 

My son thought he was the greatest hider in the world. Even though when I went looking for him he was in the most obvious places and not even 'hidden'. See I helped grow his self esteem while staying sane!!!! Win Win

 

2. Change all the clocks in the house an hour fast. My kids bed time was 6 and I was so over them by that time I just wanted them in bed. (worst mistake was teaching how to tell time) But anywho, once I changed the clocks the kids were in bed at 5. They went to bed at 5 for years.

 

Oh and I have the best trick to combat lying children, if you're having issues there

[tylercdurden2004]

Dont use soap! Didnt help me in the least!