Hesitant on him meeting my family

[confused25]

Hi everyone,

 

I found this site through the internet and it seems to be a great resource to seek advice and support on relationship issues.

 

I was hoping everyone would share their thoughts with me on this . . .

 

Some background on our relationship:

My boyfriend and I are both in our mid 20's and have been together for over a year. He has been a wonderful boyfriend and we both are very much in love with each other.

 

You ask, so what's the problem?

 

Well, I've met his family and a couple of other relatives on several occasions and really liked them. BUT, he has not yet met any of mine. The main reason is that my parents live pretty far away (6-7 hours) so I rarely get to see them, with the exception on holidays. So here's my issue. I guess there's something else that's been sitting in the back of my head that's making me having second thoughts about letting him meet my family. I think the main reason is our differences in our social status. His family is pretty well off, and he was basically born into this world with everything handed to him on a silver platter. His parents were both college grads with successful careers. He never had a "real" minimum wage job when he was in high school or college. His parents paid for all of his expenses through college and he has no debt what-so-ever. He graduated from an ivy league school and has secured a high paying job. Now, here's the background on my side of the family. My parents started working right after they graduated from high school, and they have been blue collar workers ever since. They worked hard for every penny and we've always had problems financially when I was growing up. I took out my own school loans, along with financial aid and some income from my side jobs in order to put mself through a state college. I am now working full-time making about 20% of what my boyfriend makes. He doesn't know how much I make but I found out his salary because he slipped the one time when he was drunk. I just found out that his parents just recently purchased a new property and are planning on building a new mansion. I guess I feel somewhat intimidated by his family and their social status. And I feel really, really guilty for saying this, but sometimes I feel like I am embarrassed to bring him to meet my family because I'm worried that he will look down upon us. I know he won't, but it's just my own insecurity for feeling that way. Also, my parents speak very poor English and I am worried about how they would be able to communicate with each other. I could picture myself marrying this man in the future but I just can't help but feel insecure with this whole situation. We've never really talked about what my parents do for a living, partly because I'm too embarrassed to even bring it up. I know, I even feel ashamed of myself. I just don't know what their parents would think of me if they knew. Am I stressing too much over this issue? Could this potentially affect any parts of our relationship in the future? Can anyone relate?

 

Thank you for your patience on getting through this post . . . I know I'm just rambling . . .

[DN]

Tell hin the truth and see how he reacts. Don't make it a confession just a conversation.

 

But don't make your parents and yourself people to be ashamed of but something to be proud of. For instance, you can say how proud you are that you parents have struggled so hard to make their way despite a lack of higher education.

[melrich]

He won't care at all. I am sure he is smart enough, mature enough and loves you enough to know that we are not defined by how much money we have or how well educated we are. The only one worrying about this is you. And let's face it, if this is going to be for the long term he's got to meet your family sooner or later.

[Tigris]

You need to talk to him about them otherwise he's eventually going to work out something is wrong. Put it this way he could end up thinking they've been in prison, you know what happens with misunderstandings.

 

Like Melrich says if he loves you then he won't care at all. It's you he'd be marrying in the future not your family!

[itsallgrand]

Fill yourself up with pride for all the good things your family has. What makes you feel really good when you think of your family? Are they strong and loving? Do they show respect for others and do their best? They already sound like incredible people to me, and I don't even know them.

 

I've dealt with this before. The best way to get over it is to focus on what your family has to offer your guy, and how they have helped you shape the positive qualities you have.

 

If anything, I bet your bf will find good things in your family that he may never have experienced. They have something to offer him, just like his family has shown you other aspects of life.

 

good luck.

[Skippy]

tell him the truth about your family, who they are and what they went through to get you where you are You seem to come from the good family bakground. You are proud of your parent so there is nothing to be ashamed off. tell him!.

If he know this 'way' before he meets the family, he will be prepared an thus wont be surprised.

[confused25]

Thank you all for your great advice! It's very touching to see how understanding and supportive you guys are, thank you, I really appreciate it! I'm glad I came to the right place

 

I know I will have to tell him eventually, but I guess I am just trying to avoid the problem by stalling it. If I were to just bring it up casually in a conversation without placing too much emphasis on it, how should I do it?

[Skippy]

jezzz. i dont think that you should beat around the bush,

My opinion id that you are honest. I think you should say, hey, you know that i dont come from a well off background, and i want you to meet my family too, but i feeel awkward that my family isnt as well off as yours.". Then talk about it/

There is nothing to be ashamed off at all. Your pearents worked hard.

[DN]

One way to bring it up might be to ask his advice about what to get your Dad for Father's day - then that would be a natural lead in to a talk about your family.

[aterblack]

I was in a particular situation like yours, but be aware than your family is part of you too and you must be proud of that, if he does not understand your situation and rejects, what kind of future you can have with someone like that?

[Momene]

I really hope you both prove me wrong BUT my wife and I come from similar social backgrounds and I think that makes it easy, despite being born in different continents and hemispheres.

[Momene]

I disagree; I think having similar interests, morals, life goals, life experiences and beliefs are more important than coming from similar social backgrounds. As I already stated; my boyfriend and I come from very different social backgrounds and yet we have all of these things in common with each other. We also have very similar personalities and I believe that all of these attributes are what make our relationship work.

 

Also, having come from different social backgrounds actually helps rather than hinders us. My family and I have always had to hold onto the pennies, so I am naturally very careful with money and I help my boyfriend from buying things that aren't really a necessity.

 

It's not often that I'm pleased to be wrong but I'm really happy it's working for you. We have similar morals and beliefs, too but don't have that many interests in common. Our personalities are VERY different but somehow we complement each other. We're both clingy and cuddly.