Lack of trust and snooping...

[nottoogreen]

Hi lioness, sorry for all that you put yourself and your bf through.

 

You summed it all up quite well. I am impressed that you mention it becoming an addiction. I like to add that this addiction to anguish and pain and paranoia can be felt by any sensible partner who in turn may return the favor

 

BTW, there is also porn for girls. Porn is a common outlet for those bored of all ages and for the young courious. When one remotely has enough, porn is boring. If your partner likes porn, suggest look at it together, it makes you better buddies

[lioness726]

Thank you nottoogreen.

 

I believe it to be an addiction because I have noticed with others and firsthand that even if your snooping reveals nothing at all, you're more likely to do it again and again. It's like at that point, you're actually looking, and in a sick way, hoping, to find something. Everyone likes to be proven right, right?

I feel that it is a subconscious way to deal with a fear. If you find it first before it sneaks up on you, then you're less likely to get hurt by it. Basically taking the offense.

 

I've dated guys that even though I KNEW they would never cheat, I snooped anyway.

 

I also hope that anyone who deals with this "addiction" realizes that it's not neccessarily the fault of who you're with. Don't think that you will stop this behavior if the man or woman of your dreams comes into your life. ie. "He/she must not be the one for me because if they were, I wouldn't be doing this."

It's a problem that we have to deal with that is completely our own. You have to face your fears and tell yourself, "This isn't right. I'm proving myself to be unworthy of this person's trust if I do this."

 

And about the porn. Yeah, I watch it myself. Hey, when my bf's at work or isn't around to satisfy me, you do what you have to do, right?

It's the same for guys. As long as he isn't watching it while you're there ready and willing, it's not a concern. We all get our "need for satisfaction" at times and a lot of those times are when they're not there or able. Here's a question for people, "Would you rather he satisfy their needs with porn or with other women?"

Yeah, and watching porn with your SO is also a good way to make sex fun or different. Just as long as you don't do it too much or every time.

[disneyfan5]

I met a guy at a part time job I took last Fall. He really liked me a lot. Everyone noticed and he wasn't shy about telling me either. I was hesitant about dating him because he is younger than me. Well I agreed to go out and he was so happy that he couldn't stop smiling the entire day. I received text messages and phone calls daily. Emails occasionally. He introduced me to his family. I was still apprehensive for a long time. He talked all the time about our future together. Well eventually I started coming around and everything seemed to be perfect. Then after watching the news one night I decided to check myspace after they talked about it. Didn't have any reason to suspect anything and wasn't expecting to find anything. He had a girlfriend that lived 2000 miles away. She had moved away and they never broke up. I confronted him about it. He swore she wasn't his girlfriend but that she was special to him for helping him thru a very difficult time in his life. He was afraid it would become an issue for me. Well it did become an issue for me because I monitored her page and discovered she was coming to town for the summer. I started treating him differently and he started slowly pulling away from me. I asked him several times if he wanted to stop dating to just tell me but he wouldn't. Well eventually I had enough and contacted the girl. I was actually too vague with her and didn't go into much detail. She did thank me for telling her. I also broke up with him and told him I was telling her. He was furious with me but I didn't care. I felt so much better. He also had told me he had cheated on her with another girl before me too. I didn't tell her that but I should have. Well I had created a myspace account and decided to send him an email to see how and if he would respond and asked if he was single. He didn't know it was me. He said he was taken but wanted to chat with me thru MSN. Interesting for someone who is "taken". We started chatting and the 1st night we chatted I guess he forgot he told me he was "taken" because as soon as we moved it off of myspace where she couldn't see it he suddenly became very single and available and interested in meeting me in person. I described myself to him and gave him lots of little hints that it was me but he didn't pick up on them. He really liked "me" and couldn't wait to meet me and told me I had the qualities he was looking for. After 8 days he eventually figured it out, he was really slow considering the hints I gave him. Now the other girl was due in town in less than a week and he is trying to hook up with someone else. That just told me I was so much better off without him and that he was a liar and a cheater. She doesn't know about this and I am so tempted to tell her but I probably won't. She has no clue of what he is really like. Eventually she is going to get hurt but that is her problem for staying with him after she found out he had another girlfriend here. I have since discovered several other things he had lied to me about.