Falling into old habits

[Darcykins1607306439]

2 years ago I met this man who was wonderful. He connected with me on so many levels. We had a whirlwind relationship, talked about him moving in, and I even got pregnant with his child. One day I found out his was married and after several bad discussions, I walked away and hid. I did have his son who is now 22 months old. I felt I did the right thing by walking away. I knew he was unhappy to run to me, but he had made a choice and if he truly wanted to be with me, he would have left his wife, not impregnated her 2 weeks before I had his child.

 

Last week my x husband contacted me with a message from this man. It had been almost 2 years since I spoke with him. We started talking, I took his son to meet him and everything I once felt came rushing back to me. Nothing happened that day that I am ashamed of. I allowed him to meet his child. (If I keep saying it, Ill believe it sooner or later, right??).

 

Since that day, we have talked over and over and last night I knew I had to walk away. He is insistent that I remain in contact with him. He refuses to loose me once again. Says he is leaving his wife and wants to move forward with me.

 

What do I do?? If I see him again, I know I wont be able to hold back. If I talk to him again, I know I will fall so deeply in love with him I will not be able to distinguish the truth from fiction. I told him that he needs to tell his wife he wants out and that he has had contact with me. I feel terrible walking away with his son.

 

I want nothing with him as long as he is still in the marriage, yet I find myself pulled back in with each word he says to me. Could he possibly mean what he says when he tells me I am the one for him, that he loves me and that I am the one he is meant to be with?

[Shy_Guy]

This hits on many different levels, and I can understand and empathize with your confusion.

 

I entirely agree with you in not wanting to get re-involved with him while he is still married. I wouldn't want to characterize it that he needs to 'prove' himself by getting divorced, but basically he needs to decide what to do with his life. He's got two young children, one with his wife, and one with you (unless there are others that you have not mentioned), and there is no win-win scenario here.

 

He *IS* your child's father, and as such, needs to be involved in his life more than just as a source of financial obligation. I think it would be wrong (if not probably illegal) for you to deny his being able to see his son unless he is dangerous or unstable, and if you do still have feelings for him, you want to handle this amicably.

 

I can understand your attraction to him now. After all you were taken by him enough to have his child.

 

I think the right course in the reasonable near term would be to continue to be PLATONICALLY friendly, for the sake of your child. Only he can make the decision whether to leave his wife, so leave that to him. I wouldn't suggest pushing him, and definitely would NOT reccommend your using your son as a lever to force him into a decision. In the long run, everyone will lose if you do this, so just DONT.

 

His actions will eventually prove his level of commitment to you, if any. Remember, he did cheat on his wife to be with you, and hid the fact that he was indeed married. Is this the basis of trust that a long term future needs in order to survive? Probably not, but only you know what you're willing to live with, in terms of his...reliability. I would privately set a deadline in your own mind, of when you need to see some type of decision on way or another, and not tell him. If he meets your deadline, and you still feel romantically attracted to him, go for it.

 

I wish you luck.

[axe03]

why has he decided now that you are the one for him?and that he was going to leve his wife for you?didnt we see this movie over 2 years ago?the guys a spineless jellyfish,why you ask?well....hes not man enough to be truthful to you about how he really feels(2 yrs ago)so he knocks up his wife and in his mind ,he doesnt half to make good his promise to you,about leaving her for you.sorry honey,you are being strung along by a control freak that is a pro manipulator.milk him for every penny you can for child support,and this could be another reason hes realing you in,to try and get your mind and intentions completeley away from wanting him to pay,and or telling his wife,etc etc,what a punk of a man.....gets his wife pregnant,so he doesnt half to commit to you.hey,,,,life sucks that way.....but thaTS WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING WITH A MARRIED MAN.......REMEMBER,,,,IF HES DONE IT TO HER.....HE WILL DO IT TO YOU..

REGARDS....S