How do you know when it's time to leave?

[someone_else]

I have been thinking about leaving my boyfriend for a long time now, sometimes I want to try and sometimes I don't. Lately I want to leave more and more. There's no abuse or anything like that, so how do you know when it's past salvaging?

[MP Meridien]

When you feel this way... and can write it so simply.

 

Sometimes relationships fizzle for no apparent reason. If everything is okay, and yet you still want to leave, you probably have hit a fizzle point

[RayKay]

I have been thinking about leaving my boyfriend for a long time now, sometimes I want to try and sometimes I don't. Lately I want to leave more and more. There's no abuse or anything like that, so how do you know when it's past salvaging?

 

When the negatives of being together outweigh the positives....while every relationship has it's own little 'negatives' they should not be things that consume you or bring you down, or cast negative pallor on the whole relationship in it's entirety.

 

When you look to the future more with dread or resignment, rather than with excitement and joy.

 

When you have been thinking about leaving for a long while and it seems to persist despite chances of efforts to work it out.

[Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstei]

When you feel this way... and can write it so simply.

 

Sometimes relationships fizzle for no apparent reason. If everything is okay, and yet you still want to leave, you probably have hit a fizzle point

 

I agree with Meridien.

I think that you haven't broken up with him yet because he's what you're used to... or maybe you just don't know what you want. Maybe it's a combination of both.

[Mun]

I read somewhere that you should think over a break up for a week and if you are still sure then to go ahead and do it. How long have you been thinking this over?

 

You know, you may be holding him back from finding someone that really wants to be with him....and you are holding yourself back too.

 

Best wishes

[shorty20]

well, I would really need more specifics... what makes you want to leave him? And what makes you want to stay? I've tried in the past to write down negatives and positives but that never works because there could be more negatives but the positives could be so much more important and so much bigger that the little negatives like "he chews with his mouth open" lol... I hope I'm making sense but If I knew more details as to why you want out or why you want to stay it'd be easier to give you some advice...

[flower99]

If you have been thinking about it for a long time......and lately more & more. I think it's time to leave them.

It doesn't need to hit a point where it is past salvageing...as long as you've hit a point where you no longer to desire to continue the relationship, Maybe he's just not the one for you.

[aterblack]

If you are wondering about finish the relation is because something is not working O.K, just be honest with yourself, and if is something wrong with him let him know too. Life is short and beautiful when we learned to live.

[doyathink]

Are u still attracted to him? Are u still in love with him? Do u look forward to the moment u two will be together everyday? If these are all no's then it's probably time to kick some rocks!!

[someone_else]

Well, for more details...I want to leave because I don't think he's ever been in love with me. He says he is, but I guess I just can't feel it. He SAYS all kinds of things, but his eyes say nothing, his actions are non-existant. I hope that doesn't sound crazy, but has anyone ever told you that you're everthing to them just by the way they look at you? When we fight, he goes to bed, while I stay up and cry because he doesn't care enough to come out and hold me.....am I just asking for too much? I don't know, I'm very confused. I've been in limbo most of the three years we've been together, more so since I moved in. I guess I just keep hoping he'll fall in love with me one day...

[doyathink]

Oh girl I hear ya! I have no answers, if I did I would have put them to good use all ready.

[Jason333]

Well, for more details...I want to leave because I don't think he's ever been in love with me. He says he is, but I guess I just can't feel it. He SAYS all kinds of things, but his eyes say nothing, his actions are non-existant. I hope that doesn't sound crazy, but has anyone ever told you that you're everthing to them just by the way they look at you? When we fight, he goes to bed, while I stay up and cry because he doesn't care enough to come out and hold me.....am I just asking for too much? I don't know, I'm very confused. I've been in limbo most of the three years we've been together, more so since I moved in. I guess I just keep hoping he'll fall in love with me one day...

 

That is hard. I feel the same way with my gf. When we have problems, I don't feel she cares enough to work with me on it. I feel like I'm always the one working on it, and I'm hoping someday, she'll realize it.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

My first response is to say - You know when it's time to leave when you are at a stage whereby you can seriously consider it, as you are.

[shorty20]

ya, from what you've said here it seems like it's a case of him not being able to show his emotions... if what he's giving you is not enough then you should leave. Have you talked to him about this or voiced your concerns? Some guys need to be told what you want them to do, because alot of them are just really logical in their thinking. I'm mad, I want to go to bed and sleep it off... maybe he's not intentionally trying to hurt you and dosen't know what he's doing? I would say if you haven't already, try to talk to him and tell him what you'd like from him. If you've already done this and nothing happens, then yes, it's time to leave. You can find someone that will care enough about you and your wants and needs to make you feel cared for. It seems odd if he didn't love you that he would have stayed with you for this long though... just a though. Only you know what's best. Good luck!

[Mun]

I'm thinking that maybe you two are just not compatible enough. He doesn't handle conflict the same way, the way you would like it and that is sure going to cause more hurt for you in the future. He doesn't show you how he feels about you the way you would like. You don't see it in his actions, in his eyes--like you say. I think three years is a long time to be waiting to KNOW something....how much longer do you want to wait to feel loved?

 

Besides, once you leave he may realize how he really feels and come looking for you....that would be great.

[kasper1212]

its time to leave...let him go and give both of you a new start with a chance for happiness...good luck

[brokenpogostick]

Well, if he's not satisfying your needs emotionally it's time to get out of dodge I'm afraid. Those are the basic needs of a relationship. Have you tried talking to him about this? Does he realize he's being sort of cold in a way?

[OceanEyes]

Here have been some of the signs that I've recognized over the years that it was time to leave a relationship:

 

* Stopped being sexually/ physically attracted to him AT ALL. At times even finding him annoying and gross.

 

* Stopped wanting to do things with him.

 

* A loss of interest in fighting or arguing with him about anything; I found that after a while, I just didn't care enough to put up a fight.

 

* Small things that I once found cute would start to annoy me.

 

* Wanting to spend most of my time away from him with girlfriends, going out or doing something other than being with him.

 

* Feeling more energetic and ambitious, looking towards the future and thinking about what would happen next.

 

* Knowing that I cared about him a great deal, but that I just *knew* that I couldn't give more than friendship.

 

* Feeling absolutely no sense of intimacy.

 

* Having no desire to see him when he wasn't around, stopped missing him when he'd be gone.

 

* When he'd try to get closer, I'd pull further away and feel better for doing it.

 

* Feeling relief when he'd leave for work, and not answering his phone calls or e-mails.

 

Well, you get the picture. There are a million ways to know, but I think when the time is right, you just KNOW it's right. You leave when you're ready to leave.

[dizzylizzy]

I asked my long time counselor this vary question and this is what she told me. When you go to Las Vegas and you have a roll of quarters and you are playing the slot machines and it feeds you a little here and a little there and you continue to play but gradually your pile of quarters is starting to shrink so you comtemplate moving to another machine then suddenly you look down and your quarters are gone. How do you know when it is time to leave? When you are all out of quarters to give. You will know when it is time.

[Confessoress]

I asked my long time counselor this vary question and this is what she told me. When you go to Las Vegas and you have a roll of quarters and you are playing the slot machines and it feeds you a little here and a little there and you continue to play but gradually your pile of quarters is starting to shrink so you comtemplate moving to another machine then suddenly you look down and your quarters are gone. How do you know when it is time to leave? When you are all out of quarters to give. You will know when it is time.

 

I like that