Do you think there'd be any way I could get proof that it's possible for women...

[doyathink]

Well of course you can meet people on the internet!!! But if you would read his posts (ALL OF 100 OF THEM) than you will realize the need for him to open new horizons!

[doyathink]

Maybe you're putting too much emphasis on looks. There are so many other ways to attract a girl than by being a hottie. Looks are not a good evaluation of an individuals worth any way. Their character will be what makes you want to live out your life with them. Physical beauty is fleeting, you have a few years of being shiny and new and then that all fades and you are left with who you are inside. Cultivating a relationship because of a pretty face will never have the depth and love that finding the person that compliments your personality.

You said it all right there!! Personality and minds that think alike are worth getting to know. Surface beauty fades well before we wish it would. Ross, get involved in something that interests you and there you will find women of like minds!!

[Budman]

What is SA, ENA and stuff like that.

 

You guys use way to many acronyms. What is NC and the like is there like a guide to acronyms?

[Daddy Bear]

fyi:

 

social anxiety

 

enotalone

 

no contact

 

link removed

[Spugly Fuglet]

OK here as counter view which I need to air to get it out of the way Ross_K

hear me out and if the A is NO! thats ok Im not trying to insoult you I just need to ask this.

 

Have you considered you could be Gay and this Shy with girls thing is a away you can hide your sexuality from your self. When asked why you have never had a GF you can say "O im to shy" could it be that in fact you do not like woman but aobhure and hate the idear that you could be gay.

 

Now Im only asking so you can counter this, if im wrong then tell me and sorry this Q was not ment as an Insault.

 

SF

[Sexychiick16]

why?

Who says?

 

It'll show that your confident, single and ready to mingle!!!

 

Okay maybe you shouldn't just walk up to some random girl and ask her out...But you could take a baby step by walking up to her and at least starting a conversation...Make some eye contact and see if yall click..

 

Commme on....Whats the worst that can happen?

What do you have to lose?

[Backstroke03]

Ross, you are pretty good looking. Ultimately it is how you project yourself to others that will shape other people's opinion of it. Meaning, if you are confident and happy in yourself, that will shine through and people will be attracted to you. Confidence and poise is the name of the game.

 

 

Best post I've read in this thread.

 

Dude I don't know you from a hole in the wall, but if you are giving the negative vibe in real life that you are exuding to me through the internet, accross an ocean no less, then it wouldn't matter if you look like Brad Pitt.

 

There is no fool proof rules to attracting the opposite sex, everyone has their own preference, but without a spec of confidence you don't have a chance.

 

What are you good at? We all have a talent. Put yourself in situations were you can showcase your ability, and take in how you feel when you suceed. Try to harness that feeling, enjoy it. I'm most comforable when I'm in the water, it's my talent and something I love to be around. Once I'm in that comfort zone, I feel invincable. Find that place for you.

 

That's the feeling women are going to want when they are around you, an enjoyable experience. If you are giving a vibe that you are a stick in the mud that's worried about your proception constantly, then don't even bother. As I said looks are a moot point if you handle yourself that way.

[Ross_K]

OK here as counter view which I need to air to get it out of the way Ross_K

hear me out and if the A is NO! thats ok Im not trying to insoult you I just need to ask this.

 

Have you considered you could be Gay and this Shy with girls thing is a away you can hide your sexuality from your self. When asked why you have never had a GF you can say "O im to shy" could it be that in fact you do not like woman but aobhure and hate the idear that you could be gay.

 

Now Im only asking so you can counter this, if im wrong then tell me and sorry this Q was not ment as an Insault.

 

SF

 

It's okay dude. No, I'm not gay, I've never once saw a man and felt attracted to him, but there's been 1000's of occasions where I've seen a hot girl and thought how great it would be to.... you get the idea.

[Ross_K]

Maybe you're putting too much emphasis on looks. There are so many other ways to attract a girl than by being a hottie. Looks are not a good evaluation of an individuals worth any way. Their character will be what makes you want to live out your life with them. Physical beauty is fleeting, you have a few years of being shiny and new and then that all fades and you are left with who you are inside. Cultivating a relationship because of a pretty face will never have the depth and love that finding the person that compliments your personality.

 

Yeah but surely you still need to be physically attracted to the person?

[alteer]

I can tell you exactly how to gain confidence because that is what you need. Whatever you project is what you attract. Confidence is the key.....it's how you hold yourself.

 

Find a Toastmasters group and join it. They are everywhere and I"m sure there is one near you. That will teach you confidence. Most people don't know much about Toastmasters so if you want some more info them please pm me and I will help you.

 

Seriously attracting a woman is all about confidence, which is something you can learn.

[MacGyverRI]

Yeah but surely you still need to be physically attracted to the person?

 

 

Women are attracted to all sorts of different things.

 

IQ and/or Univ. degrees

profession you're in

how your backside looks

muscles/body

humor/nuttiness

sports

dancers

cyclists

motorcycle/bikers (talk about ugly??)

sports/SUV/luxury cars

MONEY

the size of your wiener (john thomas)

character

dressing style

 

That's a partial list, are you getting it yet? There is no set answer.....

[Ross_K]

All the women in this topic seem to be saying the opposite though,

 

I suppose the more you get to know a person who you aren't physically attracted too and the more you really like their personality they can sort of become more physically attractive to you.

[MacGyverRI]

All the women in this topic seem to be saying the opposite though,

 

You love to argue, but it's always with yourself.

Are you disenfranchised from reality? these are from that post....

 

.........

from Ta ree saw/33 F

Yep - I think it totally depends on the person.

Personally Ross - If I had a connection with you on-line and then saw THAT avatar - I would be more than willing to meet up with you.

...........

 

RayKay/26

Man Ross, you really beat yourself up, don't you!

To be honest, you look like someone I dated a long time ago for a while, he was your age then too!

............

maggie18

Those pictures aren't ugly at all. I'm sure some girls would say otherwise, but some girls might think you are a stud.

............

alteer

I agree with iceberg on this Ross. You are not ugly!!!!!!!! I have read a few of your posts and I think you are way too hard on yourself.

[Ross_K]

How many times do I have to repeat that photos can be decpetive? Yes I may look like how I do on my avatar and good photos and be quite attractive in real life, but then again I may not.

 

And no, I don't love to argue. I just want to try and understand things more.

[MacGyverRI]

How many times do I have to repeat that photos can be decpetive? Yes I may look like how I do on my avatar and good photos and be quite attractive in real life, but then again I may not.

 

And no, I don't love to argue. I just want to try and understand things more.

 

 

Photos are a generalization, everyone knows that, but you are not looks impaired so don't use that excuse unless you weigh 400 lbs??

 

 

You could have at least a PhD in dating by now with all this advice and all the other threads if you get off your backside and go into the real world. Rejection will happen, then you will find smeone, it's not etched in stone that you will make out 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc time but it will happen eventually . Even I don't score all the time but I still keep trying. (Yes, even the love god can strike out)

 

 

FYI,

I'm 52 yrs old, my pic is recent and I have women from mid 20's to 70 chasing me. I'm even dating a DOCTOR who makes 5+ x's more income than I do! Why? because I got off my backside a long time ago and went out and did something about it.

[Ross_K]

Well it's quite hard trying to do something about it right now since I'm dealing with SA. I've even had an offer online, (which would require me to have to travel really far) but even with that I'm incredibily anxious, stressed ect, and I don't know if I'll definatley be able to follow through with it. SA is frigging crippling and I hate it.

[MacGyverRI]

Well it's quite hard trying to do something about it right now since I'm dealing with SA. I've even had an offer online, (which would require me to have to travel really far) but even with that I'm incredibily anxious, stressed ect, and I don't know if I'll definatley be able to follow through with it. SA is frigging crippling and I hate it.

 

 

I suppose SA is a good excuse, and it is just that, an EXCUSE to stay inside.

you actually have "fear of women" syndrome.....

 

Ever do something for the 1st time??? Talking to women is the same, practice makes perfect. Go out and talk/play/bed? some girls tonight!!

 

 

I don't want to hear anything else until your ready for advice on condoms.....

[Ross_K]

You don't understand.

 

And why would I make excuses anyway?

[sophie274]

I agree with this 1000%.

[Ross_K]

Yeah it does seem like he has a point.

 

But near enough anywhere for me isn't a comfort zone. Perhaps I need to look into changing certain places or areas in my life into comfort zones, would that be possible?

[sophie274]

Also, you must see how people here are getting the impression you're looking for attention. I see you post in other topics where people are having issues with sex or unwanted/rude attention things like "I wish I had that problem" or "I wish I could help you but no one has ever wanted me" or things of that nature. It's frustrating because I, and I think a lot of people here, don't understand what you want to hear.

 

I know you're wounded and frustrated, and need to vent, so you might not even be looking for solutions, just compassion. But take our advice and get out there and soon you'll need neither!

[Ross_K]

I didn't mean to come off as rude in those other posts.

 

I know people don't believe me but I am actually trying here, and I am looking for solutions, it's just that severe SA makes it incredibily hard. And I am trying to beat that, and I suppose it's what I need to beat first before trying to get someone.

[sophie274]

Yeah it does seem like he has a point.

 

But near enough anywhere for me isn't a comfort zone. Perhaps I need to look into changing certain places or areas in my life into comfort zones, would that be possible?

 

Is there anything you can think of that you're "good at"? It seems like you have quite the sense of humor, have you ever tried to do anything with that? Slowly getting into stand-up comedy or theater or something of that nature could teach you how to interact with others better, give you a serious confidence boost, and allow you to meet like-minded people. And on stage you can be whoever you want!

[sophie274]

I didn't mean to come off as rude in those other posts.

 

I know people don't believe me but I am actually trying here, and I am looking for solutions, it's just that severe SA makes it incredibily hard. And I am trying to beat that, and I suppose it's what I need to beat first before trying to get someone.

 

I'm sure you are trying. But how about believing us when we say you're perfectly attractive, using that as a confidence booster, and then just taking your chances, signing off, and trying to meet some flesh and blood people? If after a serious effort it doesn't work, you can always come back here and say "I told you so"!

[Ross_K]

Well, the only thing I can think of that I'd be good at is mechanical stuff like fixing cars or whatever, and I did actually go to two places to learn it, unfortunatley I was bullied at both of them and had to leave. So that dream is out of the window.

 

Yeah, I've got a sense of humour but I seriously doubt I'd be able to do standup.