Do you think there'd be any way I could get proof that it's possible for women...

[Daddy Bear]

"butt munch", hahaha. haven't heard that one in years. i think Beavis just exposed your not-so-shy side.

[Ross_K]

Well,.....um...theres your proof! They are not 'showing you interest'!

 

So you mean that's proof of it not being possible for women being attracted to me?

[MacGyverRI]

m asking her what the place is like but, if her imput is good enough, maybe. But I dunno, would it be okay to just say in the middle of the converstaion 'hey would you like to go there with me one night?'? It'd feel a little odd an unatural.

 

Before attempting this, which does have some promise, I'm gonna need to work on my shyness.

 

 

You must learn to walk before you can run!

 

Umm, this WILL take care of the shyness, you ask the 1st girl you see about the place and it won't be overwhelming for you because you won't be asking for a date!!! Do this often and you will get used to talking to strange women.

 

Do you even go out to clubs/bars and try to talk to people? Friends?

[Ross_K]

here's the thing. if you go up to the first hundred pretty girls you see (can't be done in a day, i know) and say, "Hi, I'm Ross, I like your dog/dress/hat/whatever," the shyness will be gone after the first five or so and a lot of them will think, wow this guy is confident enough to stroll right up and talk to me! and how flattering that he did! the ones that shoot you down probably have somebody already but they still count as part of the hundred. the rest will help you move the conversation along, and you will find at least a handful out of the bunch who will want to give you their numbers. argue with THAT!

 

you can thank me later.

 

I know what you're saying, and it's a really really good idea. I do have Social anxiety though, I'm pretty shy with people I don't know, there's no way I couls do something like this at this point in my life, it'd be hard for any of it to come naturally either because of shyness.

 

But, I am working on my anxiety/shyness, and I'll definatley do something like this once I've got the guts too and as long as I know I'm not going to make a fool of myself.

[Beyondthesea]

Ok then Ross here is what you want to hear.

 

Nope, there's no hope and no woman will ever find you attractive. In fact, the next time a woman speaks to you, I would run in the opposite direction just in case she might speak to you and reject you.

 

I always read your posts and think "awh the guy is wounded and needs a hand."

 

I give up! You just want attention, not solutions.

[Daddy Bear]

I know what you're saying, and it's a really really good idea. I do have Social anxiety though, I'm pretty shy with people I don't know, there's no way I couls do something like this at this point in my life, it'd be hard for any of it to come naturally either because of shyness.

 

But, I am working on my anxiety/shyness, and I'll definatley do something like this once I've got the guts too and as long as I know I'm not going to make a fool of myself.

i didn't make it clear... the first few times will be terrifying, and yes, you will make a fool of yourself. deal with it, there's no way around that. but you can't sit in your pad waiting for confidence to hit you over the head. it don't work that way. dig?

[Ross_K]

You must learn to walk before you can run!

 

Umm, this WILL take care of the shyness, you ask the 1st girl you see about the place and it won't be overwhelming for you because you won't be asking for a date!!! Do this often and you will get used to talking to strange women.

 

Do you even go out to clubs/bars and try to talk to people? Friends?

 

Well, I don't know whether it'll definatley take care of my shyness, especially if I have a bad experience by coming off weird and knowing I did do and she reacted as though I was some weirdo or creep. And if that happens on my first time or early on there is no way I'd be able to do it agagin. Infact there's no way I can do it at this point in time. Besides, to some people doing the things you mentioned just don't come naturally, they don't have an instinct for it, they don't really know what they're doing.

 

No, I don't go to clubs or bars, and I don't have any friends either, because of moving to a new area and having SA, although I used to have a lot of friends and sometimes I did go to a bar or whatever on the rare occasion.

[doyathink]

If you are talking to a girl and she shows no signs of being interested than she isn't! You have been given a lot of really good advice from all these guys and they seem to have caught the attention of a girl or two! TAKE THEIR ADVICE! Where do you go to meet women? Anywhere? Your computer? It isn't your looks, there is someone for everyone! It is your personality dude!

[Ross_K]

Ok then Ross here is what you want to here.

 

Nope, there's no hope and no woman will ever find you attractive. In fact, the next time a woman speaks to you, I would run in the opposite direction just in case she might speak to you and reject you.

 

I always read your posts and think "awh the guy is wounded and needs a hand."

 

I give up! You just want attention, not solutions.

 

Whateveeeeeeeer!

 

I wonder who will be next to jump on the 'he's just doing it for attention' bandwagon?

[Daddy Bear]

hey, some people need more convincing than others. give the guy a break.

 

but Ross, you DO want to overcome this, right?

[Ross_K]

If you are talking to a girl and she shows no signs of being interested than she isn't!

 

That doesn't actually make any sense.

 

You have been given a lot of really good advice from all these guys and they seem to have caught the attention of a girl or two! TAKE THEIR ADVICE! Where do you go to meet women? Anywhere? Your computer? It isn't your looks, there is someone for everyone! It is your personality dude!

 

Yes, I know I've been given good advice. I used to go wherever to meet women.

 

And no, there isn't someone for everyone. Is it my personality? Maybe.

[Ross_K]

hey, some people need more convincing than others. give the guy a break.

 

but Ross, you DO want to overcome this, right?

 

Yes, I really really want to overcome this.

[Daddy Bear]

I wonder who will be next to jump on the 'he's just doing it for attention' bandwagon?

i'm not quite ready to give up on you just yet, but i am ready to say this: SA? why do you have to give a medical name to not summoning up your dangly bits?? that's the only difference between you and the guys with girlfriends: they bit the bullet at some point and walked out into the battle. THAT is how to overcome a problem.

 

one word, Ross--and i want you to meditate on it: desensitization.

 

i'll be back.

[Ross_K]

i'm not quite ready to give up on you just yet, but i am ready to say this: SA? why do you have to give a medical name to not summoning up your dangly bits?? that's the only difference between you and the guys with girlfriends: they bit the bullet at some point and walked out into the battle. THAT is how to overcome a problem.

 

one word, Ross--and i want you to meditate on it: desensitization.

 

i'll be back.

 

Thanks for your support pal, it's appreciated.

 

Trust me I know what you're saying, it's incredibly hard though. I am trying to desensitze myself slowly (not just to the opposite sex).

 

I'm taking medication, and I'll be seeing a psychologist for CBT. *Waits for someone to say these are just excuses*

[Ross_K]

*Marks for trolling*

[Daddy Bear]

I'm taking medication, and I'll be seeing a psychologist for CBT. *Waits for someone to say these are just excuses* you mean cognitive behavior therapy, then good for you! if you are referring to * * * *-and-ball torture, then ewwww.

[Budman]

If you are talking to a girl and she shows no signs of being interested than she isn't! You have been given a lot of really good advice from all these guys and they seem to have caught the attention of a girl or two! TAKE THEIR ADVICE! Where do you go to meet women? Anywhere? Your computer? It isn't your looks, there is someone for everyone! It is your personality dude!

 

Actually ironically yes you can meet women on the computer.

 

To quote my cousin, "Budman" (taking out my real name) "you are the only guy I know that can never leave the basement and get sex." He said a much more vulgar word, but I digress. (I've changed since then, I'm all for love now!)

 

Anyway, Ross, I didn't read the whole thread I'm not going to lie to you. You just haven't gotten that proper motivation. Heck I got some great motivation that worked for me. I'm not going to lie I still have artifacts, but I'm with all of these other guys. Sometimes you just have to go out and do it.

 

What you have to realize is, So what if you look like a fool? So what if someone thinks you're a weirdo, and so what if they think you're a dork?

 

I read something someone posted in another forum, "I asked a girl out, and she said NO! but I was so damn ecstatic that I asked her out I didn't care what she said, all in all I asked 5 girls out after her. I got one or two yeses, but I was just ecstatic that I asked them out!"

 

Hell go ask anyone and everyone out. flirt with old ladies, ask them out (if you want to), be comfortable in your own skin. However, I will mention them old ladies, they can throw you into a dizzy quick.

 

(I've vented, now I must read the whole thread)

[Daddy Bear]

great post, Budman! i met an awesome woman through the magic of the Internet, and it isn't always about sex.

 

Ross, just ignore anyone who tells you not to post. it's your forum too, and they don't have to read your threads if they don't want to.

[Ross_K]

Thanks SB.

 

SA does make things really tough, if it wasn't for that, trust me, I would have already have hooked up with someone on something like adultfriendfinder or hired an escort by now.

[Daddy Bear]

Thanks SB.

 

SA does make things really tough, if it wasn't for that, trust me, I would have already have hooked up with someone on something like adultfriendfinder or hired an escort by now.

as far as i know i have never actually experienced SA, so please forgive my earlier comment.

 

funny, though... i find the giant brains on ENA more intimidating than i did the lonely girls on dating sites... wonder why it's the opposite for you.

[Ross_K]

I personally find a lot of girls (ones I don't know) in real life intimidating, depending on the situation.

[MacGyverRI]

Hell go ask anyone and everyone out. flirt with old ladies, ask them out (if you want to), be comfortable in your own skin.

 

 

Now wait a minute, do you really want him to flirt w/ older ladies???

 

They always say yes to younger guys and don't know when to stop!!! Are you trying to kill this poor kid his first time out????

[Daddy Bear]

I personally find a lot of girls (ones I don't know) in real life intimidating, depending on the situation.

well, life can be daunting, no doubt. the sad thing about you and girls, though, is that you have no real reason to think that they won't like you, other than the very fact that you're intimidated. know what i mean?

[Ross_K]

well, life can be daunting, no doubt. the sad thing about you and girls, though, is that you have no real reason to think that they won't like you, other than the very fact that you're intimidated. know what i mean?

 

The feedback I've got from them offline though is that they don't like me.

 

I know people will just say I'm being negative or unconfident but it's true. Whenever I've been about to be set up, I can always tell the girl is going to come out with a negative response (even though I see no reason for them too, and accroding to how I look to myself in the mirror I look like I should be able to attract a lot of girls) and they do always come out with some sort of a negative responce, even ones that aren't nice looking. Like they'll look at my friend as though he's crazy, or they'll tell him to * * * * off, or they'll say 'no he's really ugly'

 

I always get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach like 'I knew she was going to respond like that, why? What's wrong with me?'

 

But do any of my friends get this? No. The girls will always go for them for some reason.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Maybe you're putting too much emphasis on looks. There are so many other ways to attract a girl than by being a hottie. Looks are not a good evaluation of an individuals worth any way. Their character will be what makes you want to live out your life with them. Physical beauty is fleeting, you have a few years of being shiny and new and then that all fades and you are left with who you are inside. Cultivating a relationship because of a pretty face will never have the depth and love that finding the person that compliments your personality.