I went out for dinner with her, after 5 months NC

[photomo]

Tonight has come and gone in a flash. After 5 months of NC, we finally decided to meet up and go out for a meal. It was her who initiated the meeting...

 

The night went well. We laughed quite a bit, we talked a bit about the good times in the past, and we talked about how we are now living different lives from each other. She said she missed the times when we used to joke and be silly with each other...

 

I originally planned to leave early...but as the conversation was going so well, I stayed....and eventually ended up driving her home. (I know, perhaps a big mistake - but I can handle it; I already know we're over for sure).

 

I think she was pleased to talk to me - I got the impression she hasn't had such an engaging conversation for a long time. I explained to her about all the fun things I've been up to....she said that she hadn't been up to much and will probably be returning home to Spain at the end of the summer...which is when I really lose her, I guess.

 

She apologised for hurting me so much...I responded by saying it was something that had to be done and it was just life. (There was no solid reason for the breakup - she just fell out of love with me). I made no attempts to plead for her to come back.

 

We parted by saying we had a good time, and agreeing that we ought to do it again sometime. However, she made it quite clear to mention "but only if you're clear with things in your head" - suggesting that things aren't going to go any further between us. She left the ball in my court, telling me to call her if I want to meet up.

 

So, do I want to meet up again? Of course I do...but for all the wrong reasons. I am nowhere near being over her, and I don't think I ever will be. As much as I want to meet up with her again, I can't for my own sake. I need to move on....yet I can't. I had so much planned with her: I wanted to live in Spain - and still do. And until I move out to Spain, I don't think I can get into another serious relationship. Yet I don't know if I can move out to Spain alone....I guess time will tell me what to do. Meanwhile, I guess I'll go back to NC.

 

Tonight has been closure for me. I am happy I met up with her. I am not really that upset, and I certainly haven't taken a step backwards in the healing process.

 

As long as she remembers me as someone happy that is strong enough to put up with all I've been through, then tonight was a success.

 

I just hope that one day in the future, she'll realise how special we actually were...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Well what do you think she meant by "as long as things are clear in your head?". That seems to be the key.

[photomo]

She meant it in a "I hope you are ok with us just being friends" way. There's nothing else to look further into. She would have made it obvious if she wanted to get back with me. She's completely over me, and has been for a long time.

 

However, I get the impression she is unsure what she wants in life. Maybe there'll be another opportunity in the future....but I'm not holding on for it.

[tylercdurden2004]

She meant it in a "I hope you are ok with us just being friends" way. There's nothing else to look further into. She would have made it obvious if she wanted to get back with me. She's completely over me, and has been for a long time.

 

However, I get the impression she is unsure what she wants in life. Maybe there'll be another opportunity in the future....but I'm not holding on for it.

 

Its great to have that clarity!

[photomo]

Its great to have that clarity!

 

I know it is. Yet I hate reality. I still believe in our fairytale relationship, and although I can accept what has happened, I am still in disbelief! And it has been 8 months since we broke up!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

She meant it in a "I hope you are ok with us just being friends" way. There's nothing else to look further into. She would have made it obvious if she wanted to get back with me. She's completely over me, and has been for a long time.

 

However, I get the impression she is unsure what she wants in life. Maybe there'll be another opportunity in the future....but I'm not holding on for it.

 

Yeah, it sounds like you're in a good position to let go of this one right now. It's natural to miss people when we've spent lots of time with them. But you don't have to stop caring about her, to realize it's best for you to move on.

[tylercdurden2004]

I know it is. Yet I hate reality. I still believe in our fairytale relationship, and although I can accept what has happened, I am still in disbelief! And it has been 8 months since we broke up!

 

Fairytale, Shmairytale.

[ocrob]

Thats great that you could meet up and have a good time. It sounds like you have healed even though you still love her. I contacted my ex after 4 months of NC and it was nice. We just exchanged one e-mail and have not talked since. It did not set me back either. I think it is impossible to make yourself stop loving someone, but you can get used to being with out them. It is only natural to miss the friend that you had. I will always consider my ex a friend and maybe in the future we will talk again, but for now I am just living my life. If you want to go to Spain, then go for it. You are at a great age to travel. Go there and see if you like it. By the way, the people there are beautiful and I am sure you would find the women absolutely beautiful.

[possibiliti]

I know it is. Yet I hate reality. I still believe in our fairytale relationship, and although I can accept what has happened, I am still in disbelief! And it has been 8 months since we broke up!

 

I couldn't agree more what you have said there. Believe or not, I am sharing the same feeling/emotion right now.

 

But the important thing is you are healing, and you are moving forward. So you will not stuck in this disbelief stage forever. I think and I really hope as time pass by, everything will fade. It is sad, but it is the reality. Do believe no matter what, you are a special person in her life.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

OP, do you still want back with her? Or is it just you're trying to figure out how to let it go?

[GottaLetItBurn]

I know it is. Yet I hate reality. I still believe in our fairytale relationship, and although I can accept what has happened, I am still in disbelief! And it has been 8 months since we broke up!

 

 

oh dude that's ok, everyone thinks back to the "fairytale" image of the past. You just need to see things in a different light, look at all the things that make her unperfect to you. Things that bothered you, keep feeding your mind that. Then one day you will say "thank god she is gone, no way would I want to be in a serious relationship with her"

 

99% of the time you can just accept that they are not the one and move on because there are so many things people overlook. Like I have heard, no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. 8 months is a long time, just need more to realize that. You'll get over her, it's been 9 months for me.

 

It has killed me, hardest thing in my 18 years of life, but I really worked at getting her out of my mind. Sometimes also your dreams will get those haunting thoughts drained out of your memories. Keep moving on. Your doing really good, you have some good realizations.

[007]

As with a few of the other cats on here...I too am still not over her and am also thinking about the "fairytale" that we all planned with our ex's.

 

Been almost 8 months for me, AND she's got a new man! I'm still not over her...I'm just letting you guys know that it's normal, and when you truly love someone, there's no time table or magic time period to get over someone...but I am getting better!

 

Keep up the progress, homies...

[photomo]

I've just woken up and shed two tears for her. Today I'm feeling a mixture of emotions. I am happy we talked last night, and I'm really happy that we can still be civil. We both know we still "love" each other in a caring way. But I'm also sad that after 6 years, it has come to this....and I know I'll be sad when she finally returns to Spain for her new life.

 

I know that if I stay in England, I don't think I'll ever have another relationship as special as this one, as the different cultures between us is what made it unique. I think that the next girl I give my heart to will probably also have to be Spanish....but it's still early days to know what I want.

 

I just hope the answers become clearer as time goes by...

[Orlander]

Yeah, the meeting with her was the wrong thing for you to do. You aren't over her by any means.

 

Fairytale = romanticizing the relationship. This is one of the worst things dumpees do after its over. I do it and so have most everyone else. Fairytales end in "happily ever afters", Nightmares end in "So I woke up this morning and shed a couple of tears and I'm also sad that after 6 years, it has come to this....and I know I'll be sad when she finally returns to Spain for her new life".

 

When you have very little regard whether you see her or not...

When you can think to yourself that you would be just fine with never speaking to her again...

When you stop comparing other women to to her...

 

is when you will be free of her hold on you.

 

I have asked this in another thread. How long are you prepared to, how long are all of us prepared to continue to allow our hearts to remain hostage??

 

 

 

Orlander

[nicorette]

i dont think it was the wrong thing to do, as long as you went in with low expectations. it gave you closure, which is what you needed. now is hard but at least youve gotten past all that stuff and know that its over, and accept it.

[sukerbut]

you cant be friends wiht some one you are truly in love with..no contact..especially since thhings are good between the two of you..other wise you are going to continously hurt and eventually you will blow up in front of her...

[photomo]

Orlander: It wasn't the wrong thing to do at all. I knew full well that I wasn't over her before I went out for the meal. I know I still love her, and I know it will take a very long time for me to get over her...but I am learning to live with it, and I know there will be a part of me that will always love her.

 

This meeting helped me to see that she is not the same person I once knew her as. It has given me the closure I need to move on. We have parted on speaking terms, and we had a good time before we separated that night. I have not taken any steps backwards - sure, I'm still sad, but I'm not upset and emotional.

 

She's left it up to me to contact her if I want to see her. I don't think I'll be doing that in the near future. She knows she can contact me, as I'm ok with not being in strict NC anymore.

 

It's time for me to move on. I won't have any regrets. I was a good lover to her, and one day she'll realise what she has lost.

[stickman]

Take it from a guy that has been there.....until you have lived through having your heart ripped from your chest...made the mistake of contacting them....NO CONTACT is what finally worked for me.

 

I got back to my hobbies, passions, interests, met new people and got on with a better life than I had before. I have plenty of friends and a new girl is my life.

 

I was just sitting here thinking where I was last year at this time and laughed. I remember all the help I got on this place last year and thought I would check in. I lost the love of my life after 4 years, lost my job of almost 10 years and lost my dad all in the same 9 months. If I can do it, you can all do it!

 

I learned to pray more, find friends, and I got busy LIVING. "Move on, meet new people" my little newphew said.... And from a 5 year old!

 

If you are a person of good character and a good lover as you said, then there is another person out there for you. They will be diffferent. But, there are great new people, just like great new songs.

 

Like driving a car, look at the road ahead of you. Open up your mind and your heart.....and a new woman will be there when you least expect it.