How to act toward ex

[Alperionce]

Hey Everyone,

 

 

I'm in need of some advice, My ex girlfriend broke up with me a while ago on december 23rd of 05. She said that she needed "me time".

 

Obviously I was deeply hurt as a result of her actions. She of course has the right to leave a relationship, and I guess didn't do anything wrong.

 

The last time she contacted me was Jan 20th....and I don't understand why she wouldn't contact me. I even tried to let her go, by saying its okay that you left me and asked if she had feelings for me still. I needed closure. I pressured her too much, and she totally blocked me. That hurt alot, I didn't deserve that action.

 

Four months have passed, and I will be going back from college to work where my ex works. I still care for her, and my feelings won't go away.

 

I feel when I go back to work, she will approach me.I think shes going to want to catch up with me.

 

1)Should I play it neutral, and distantly protective?Ex. You should email me instead of actual lunch.

or

2)Should I be like nothing affected me? SUre...lets be like old times?

[malcontent]

They say you can't go home again, and in this case I believe it's true. There's no reason for you to pretend that you weren't hurt by her actions; you were, and she probably knows it.

 

If I were you and I knew I was going to have to subject myself to her presense following a break-up, I would want to act friendly, but more like I-don't-know-you-friendly than you're-my-ex-girlfriend-friendly.

 

In other words, you can smile and say hello just as you would to any random you don't know, but I wouldn't go out of your way to show her anything special. I wouldn't recommend ignoring her completely, because that silence will say a lot more to her than complete non-chalance.

 

Be cool and be distant.

[kellbell]

Hi there!

 

I am so sorry about your breakup.

 

What I would do is ignore her at work. If she approaches you with anything, be cordial and excuse yourself quickly. There is no reason to be mean but you can definitely be aloof and get along at work without worrying about her. Take care and good luck.

[Iceman26]

 

What I would do is ignore her at work. If she approaches you with anything, be cordial and excuse yourself quickly. There is no reason to be mean but you can definitely be aloof and get along at work without worrying about her. Take care and good luck.

 

I agree with Kellbell. No need to subject yourself to any further confrontations with your ex.

[jchan]

you gotta elaborate a lil more on your situation there man. please explain more on what happened.

 

from what it sounds here, it sounds like you're not too sure of yourself.

 

it's obvious that you're hurt. it's obvious you're in pain. but remember she put you there in the first place. do not sympathize with her especially when you know you did nothing wrong. stand up for yourself, be strong, and that would be the closure you need because sometimes, ignorance is bliss at times. try to avoid her if possible (she's done 50% of the work already, she blocked you and tried to avoid you) that's a good sign that you need to giveyourself some of that "me" time that she used on you.

[Alperionce]

I'm not exactly sure where you want me to elaborate.

 

 

After we broke up, I was on break from school during my winterim. She dumped me and I had to go back to work where I had be in the same building as her. I was there for about two months. I had to deal with her and I apart and her hanging out with other people. It was torture.

 

I left work and went back to school. All of this was between december 23 to feb 1st of 2006. She called me around beginning of school and I was rather cold. She never made an attempt to call me again. I wasn't rude, but I was distant.She said she cared about me, but I wanted more.

 

She didn't bother to contact me anymore, and for a month I didn't contact her. And the first form of contact was on my part because I was ready to handle talking to her again. I wrote her a long email that said I hope that you are okay, and I don't care if you are seeing anyone. I wanted to let her know that that I was okay to make her feel better. I told her that if she didn't want to email me back, or had nothing for me then don't reply. I was looking for a yes or no, and no meant that she didn't reply.

 

 

She aimed me that she was thinking about me. She told me that she did get my msg, and after a week later I became impatient. She really ruffled my feathers when she put an away msg up on me. I guess I pressured her, but what does it take to get someone to answer something after giving me mixed messages back when I worked with her.

 

I wanted closure.Thats all I asked for...

 

I still care for her, and I want to get back with her because she told me that when she was ready for a relationship then i would be the first to know. She told me so much, but I come to realize that people change. I don't know if theres truth to such words. It doesn't look good at all, when someone blocks me on aim. That action alone says a lot of things.

 

 

When she blocked me I wanted to lash out in revenge, but I didn't, I actually wished her a happy belated birthday, and said good bye. That was march 9th, and its may17th.....

 

I care about her, I want to be with her again, but I dont want to be too somber, or appear to easy. I want her to find the person she fell in love with.

 

I'm waiting to go back to work to see what happens. If she wants go to dinner, or lunch, should I decline knowing that I want to be with her?

 

I'm very confused.

 

 

 

Thank you everyone that has given me advice, I will take that in to consideration.

[Juha]

Don't try to think scenerios through it will just drive you nuts...

 

When it happens just go with your gut instinct...If it feels right then do it if not then don't....

[bobo85]

i would definetly be civil towards her. I wouldn't be friendly but i would say hello if she came up to me. I wouldn't make the first move of greeting her but if she made the first move i wouldn't ignore her. I also would never go out of my way to please her in any way, shape or form. You owe her nothing and you have to do what is best for you. If you feel like hanging around her will bring back old feelings and pain then dont hang around her. Act like she's nobody and do your on thing.

 

good luck

bobo