when you're best friend asks you out...and you say yes...bad idea??

[Hunny1607307342]

Hey… I'm in a really huge confusion mode. I have been for like the past 2 days! Basically, I broke up with my first boyfriend ever, recently (he broke up with me for the second time) and I've been infatuated with him ever since I started college 8 months ago. Even though a few days ago it had gotten to the point where I was over him, I still cared/care about what he's doing etc. and also, recently I've spent more time with him and all the old flirting kicked in, and I was happy having that kind of relationship with him. THEN 2 days later, my best friend who's a guy asked me out. Now my ex; he's the bad boy type, the type that gives me butterflies crazily. The other guy who's just asked me out, he's an honest guy, who I can connect with on nearly every level. I'm really confused. I told him I will go out with him in a few weeks when my exams are over. But I'm not CRAZY about him; I don't feel that "rush" that I did with my ex. But I still said yes. Am I making a mistake?

[blender]

No, you did not make a mistake, he sounds like a nice guy, and yeah that "butterfly stuff" in the tummy is overrated, we know what kind of relationships that leads to, dramatic, crazy, fun, sexy, and NOT long lasting... you can have all those things and more when it starts out as a friend, and someone who you "connect" with, go for it, you're doing the right thing, take it slow and try not to "compare".. just give it time and enjoy each others company, and see where it goes, just keep it slow, and be honest, and say, "I really enjoy spending time with you" that is honest, and it can lead anywhere... you're doing great!!! Sometimes people are in our path that we least expect to fall for... and the slower the better, building on common goals and interest, mutual respect, and deep long lasting love, friendship that is REAL and HONEST can lead to the most wonderful love... but for right now, just take it slow, and enjoy each other, and remember that "crazy love" feeling is exactlly that.. it's "crazy' and it's all about the excitement and not about the TRUTH and it usually leads to nothing.. so give this new guy an opportunity to make your heart pound..

[grymoire]

If Monsieur comes accross this post he is going to break-down

[Hunny1607307342]

grymoire lol thanks for the response, although it was exTREMELY limited lol help so what shall I do !! Im sO so so SO so stuck.

[grymoire]

grymoire lol thanks for the response, although it was exTREMELY limited lol help so what shall I do !! Im sO so so SO so stuck.

 

In typical womenese language you got to follow your heart

[traz]

You're going to crush your guy friend. You might not know it, you might not realise it, but you're just not attracted to him sufficiently, and you could be using him as a rebound because you're now lonely.

[Hunny1607307342]

Hey,

Thank you for your replies

How do I tell him this now??! I can't bear crushing him. Going out with someone and breaking up with them is one thing, but breaking up with them before you've even given them a chance is another!!! I've told him I'll go out with him after my exams. I tried to hint to him I'm having changes in thoughts by saying i've been thinking and don't want to ruin the friendship, and he insists "It won't, i think this will work out really well". I don't know what to do. HE really really likes me. He's so lovely, and I could never connect with someone better, but I'm just not that into him. He can't take a hint, and I can't spell things like this out to him, it's too hard. I've got his hopes up for nothing and I feel like I'm in this HUGE mess.

[grymoire]

I have a feeling that this is the beginning of the end of your friendship. Sorry to be so direct but that's what I think. You women have no idea how much a rejection can hurt a guy. Once rejected the ego is bruised and self-esteem takes a deep plunge. Do you think he will continue to be your friend after you cause him this much pain?

[Hunny1607307342]

I don’t know … but we promised each other that no matter what happens there never will be awkwardness between us. But I don’t know. I really need to do this in a really smooth way… I was thinking of:

 

“I’m just not ready for a proper relationship… I didn’t think of all these things when you first asked me. Also I was speaking to my cousin last night and she told me it will NEVER work without us ruining our friendship in the end, and I would HATE to lose you like that, because if we’re nothing, it lasts forever, and that’s what I want, because I connect with you so well, more than I’ve connected with any other guy…if I WERE ready for a proper relationship, wanting a boyfriend, I would go out with you, there’s no one else I would want to go out with more. I’m SO sorry for confusing you too…”

 

Do you think this is okay?? I’m pretty sure I mean all of it…

[grymoire]

No, you don't mean any of it! In your previous post you have mentioned this -> "HE really really likes me. He's so lovely, and I could never connect with someone better, but I'm just not that into him."

 

You like him but only as friends! In your own words you are more into bad boy types. And this guy seems to be a decent man and its well known that women do not want decent and caring men as their boyfriends, they are relegated to "just friends". You are one more example!

 

You say you would be worried about losing the friendship if it didn't work out between you two. But what would you do if he says he cannot continue to be your friend after you refuse to go out with him?

 

Save all those dialogues and be upfront about the situation. Just tell him that you made a mistake in agreeing for a date but now you have changed your mind. You will only be fooling yourself and that poor guy if you say the above dialogue.

[grymoire]

Just being curious... why do you women have to lie and say "I don't want to ruin our friendship". It's just a translation for "I don't find you attractive enough to date". This whole friendship thing is a lie and you know it! Anyway you don't like the guy so why don't you have the courage to tell the truth instead of feeding the poor guy some bullshyt like "Oh you are my friend and I don't want to lose you". You don't mean it, so why say it???

[ShroomzGod]

Just being curious... why do you women have to lie and say "I don't want to ruin our friendship". It's just a translation for "I don't find you attractive enough to date". This whole friendship thing is a lie and you know it! Anyway you don't like the guy so why don't you have the courage to tell the truth instead of feeding the poor guy some bullshyt like "Oh you are my friend and I don't want to lose you". You don't mean it, so why say it???

 

Wow you seem to be very angry about this.

 

Anyway, if you don't like him you don't like him, don't lead him on. BTW the friendship will be over if you reject him. He probably liked you all along. I know cause I've been there. I would like to say give him a chance but that might hurt him more.

[CluelessGuy321]

And then so many women publicly ask "Where are all the nice guys at?". That's awesome. Just awesome.

[grymoire]

And then so many women publicly ask "Where are all the nice guys at?". That's awesome. Just awesome.

 

Word!!

 

I second that without a doubt!

[CluelessGuy321]

Seriously!

 

I hate this type of situation.

 

 

Attracted to the jerk who doesn't treat them right.

 

Not attracted to the nice guy who does treat them right.

 

 

 

 

Well, most women learn. But by then they're like 40.

[Hunny1607307342]

almost 2 years down the line , reading my sent messages really takes me back.

 

if you people who posted on this thread a couple of years ago happen to see this, just want you to know i DID end up going out with him and it was incredible and do you know what made me do so, the last few posts you left !!! it made me realise how stupid it would be to reject someone whos such a nice guy because im a nutter who likes bad boys . Well not anymoreee!!

 

But the story ended sadly because we broke up after a year and a half (ie a few months ago)

but still , a year and a half is a pretty big thing and turned out to be both of our first loves which is really sweet

 

anyway thats all i wanted to say really!

[blender]

thanks for the update Hunny, you loved, you tried, and you learned.. and you did so in a caring way...that's life.. and now you can take all that you learned and move forward...

[MattW]

Wow, I hadn't realized this was an old topic until you pointed it out, hehe. Anyway, it's nice to see that us "nice guys" have a chance, here. Right now, the girl I'm interested in (it's pretty complicated; if you're interested in reading about it, look for my topic on the Finding Love and Soulmate board) seems to be going out with this guy that's the "bad boy" type, whereas, I'm likely to be the "nice guy" friend. I just hope that if I ever get the chance to let her know how I feel, she'll take the same kind of chance with me as you did, Hunny.