am i weak if i say yes to my bf even though am not convinced?

[SAMRA2]

ok so the problem is that my bf doesnt like me to go out with any guy-friend alone. although he says he knows nothing is happening with them, he says he just feels uncomfortable. i have this best friend who is a guy and ever since my bf told me that,i have been making excuses to why i cant see him whenever he asks me to go out.i've argued with my bf for 7 hours straight about the issue becoz am not convinced but then i agreed just becoz i felt he will not change his mind and frankly i really care for him. so the thing is that am embarrassed to tell my guy friend about this decision becoz it will make him think he is not important to me or that i am only his friend when am not dating . should i defy my bf's wish and see this friend regardless of the consequences, or how should i make my friend understand that i still care about him the same but i cant seee him alone (without him thinkiing i have a weak personality coz i am doin what my bf wants?) PLZ its urgent

[PRSOV]

Never EVER dump your friends for a dating partner... especially a long time friend like that you have. He should trust you, and let you see your friends. He is just being insecure and selfish.

[CarnelianButterfly]

You're BF is being controlling and he's wrong. See your friend and tell your BF to get over it.

[arwen]

I agree with the other posters. You risk losing a friendship over a boyfriend. I lost a friendship because his girlfriend didn't want us to spend time together, and I am still angry at both of them for that. I am disappointed in the friend I thought I had, and also disappointed that the girl (who I often met, and really liked), didn't trust me in the company of her bf.

 

The thing is trust here. Now he is insecure about other guys, next thing he will be insecure if you hang out with girlfriends and possibly meet guys. I say stay strong. It's for his own good that he deals with you having friendships, it's not that you just met this friend and that he is a possible threat, right? Explain him that you feel relationship feeling for HIM, and friendship for the friend.

 

Ilse

[RayKay]

so the thing is that am embarrassed to tell my guy friend about this decision becoz it will make him think he is not important to me or that i am only his friend when am not dating .

 

Well, that is kind of true, isn't it? Because you are only his friend right now when you aren't dating. But no, I don't think you should go behind your boyfriend's back either.

 

Does your boyfriend agree to not see other female friends on his side either?

 

Everyone has different ideas on partners being friends with the opposite sex, but I do think "demanding" your partner not to be friends with someone purely on the basis they are the opposite sex without meeting them or knowing them is pretty insecure and well, posessive.

 

But everyone is different. I don't think you should be having sleepovers with your best friend or anything, but I think you should be able to see them alone in some situations. After all, part of them being a best friend is to share things between the two of you as well, about yourselves or look for advice.

 

Friends are an important part of whom you are too, and you have just really started dating this guy, I am concerned about his control/posessiveness showing so early on already too.

 

I think you should organize some "outings" as a group a few times with your boyfriend and friend and see how that goes, and let your bf know that you are not going to throw away a friendship just because your friend is male. I would worry about you giving up too much of your own life for this guy you just started dating, especially as I know he is your first real relationship, I wonder if you are so worried about keeping him you are going to sacrifice too much of you and your life to "keep him happy". He should be happy with whom you are.

[thegirl_00]

Friendships can last a lifetime, but relationships might only be tempory. Also, a lifetime friend is a lot harder to find. Don't mess up the friendship you got.

 

Why cant you and your boyfriend go and hang out with your friend together if he doesn't want you guys to be alone? Thats what me and my boyfriend always do. Go and play pool or something with some friends, then you will get to spend some time with him. Let your boyfriend get to know him better maybe?

 

Either way though, your boyfriend is being controlling and you shouldn't let him take your friends away from you. I was in a relationship like that and it started off where he would take my guy friends away from me, but in the end he started to not let me have and girl friends either. He told me they were all bad influences. If you let him take this one friend away from you he might start to be controlling in other ways.

[redandblack]

I think you should organize some "outings" as a group a few times with your boyfriend and friend and see how that goes, and let your bf know that you are not going to throw away a friendship just because your friend is male.

 

This is what you need to do. Get your boyfriend well aquainted with the guy and assure your boyfriend that you are just friends. That means he musn't flirt with you and you musn't flirt with him. Kiss your boyfriend with the other guy around (not a makeout session, haha, just a peck or two) and make it known that nothing is going to happen.

 

If he wont loosen up after that, then you should reconsider the relationship.

[Skippy]

well, i think that your boyfriend know what men can be like, even friends. After all, he is a man too.

So, him suspicious i can understand.

For you your friend is a long time friend.

For him, just another possible horny guy with no principles.

After all, why would his girlfriend want to hang out with another guy?

Answr to that is that he is insecure with you and your friend.

Best way to solve it is to hang out with your guy friend and your boyfriend together until your boyfriend knows him enough to trust your guy friend.

[SAMRA2]

ok the whole thing started when my bf met thif friend at my birthday party..my friend, as usual, was kind of touchy with me, u know normal hugs and sometimes kisses and he was celeberating my bday u know..anywaymy bf got very annoyed and we had a fight over that afterwards. so basically he didnt get the best 1st impression about my friend nor did he befriend him. and now he feels uneasy about us being alone. is it justified? i mean whatmy friend did was very usual to me..guys what do you think?

[ritagirlforreal]

lol. your bf dosnt trust you girl. anyway it could also be that he is jealous. just talk it out wit him okay.goodluck girl

[redandblack]

u know normal hugs and sometimes kisses and he was celeberating my bday u know..anywaymy bf got very annoyed and we had a fight over that afterwards. so basically he didnt get the best 1st impression about my friend nor did he befriend him. and now he feels uneasy about us being alone. is it justified?

 

Your "friend" kisses you in front of your boyfriend?? And that's 'normal'? If guys kissed my girlfriend in front of me, I would be offended. Either way, you still need to reassure your boyfriend that nothing will ever happen between you and your friends. You need to talk to him in a non-offensive way.

[SAMRA2]

well my friend kissed me on the cheeks not on the lips ! is that also offensive to guys?

[redandblack]

well my friend kissed me on the cheeks not on the lips ! is that also offensive to guys?

 

Not really, I guess. But it would definitely be weird, based upon how people behave where I come from. I still think you need to talk to him a lot and assure him.