Ex coke addict having a hard time with lust and sex!

[yul]

Hello,

 

this is my first post.

 

I am a 31 y/o male having some problems dealing with life and sex.

I am 5 years clean from cocaine too.

 

My need for lust and sexual encounters has always been very high from a young age. I masturbate daily and get horny at the sight of many women.

 

I have been know for spending a lot of time looking for casual sexual encounters days an nights, maybe once a week, in bars, streets, parks etc, especially in my drug years.

 

But I still go out by myself trying to get lust and sex at least once a week.

 

I do not have great needs in terms of sex but usually, some kissing mutual masturbation could be enough ;-)

But it rarely happens so I get more frustrated.

 

As an ex cocaine addict, sex was one of my main motivations. You could meet very needy women and have a good time with them without complications. They were VERY horny too.

 

Now, I am off drugs but still feel this strong need for connection and relief.

 

I recently broke off a 7 year relationship that started out well in terms of sex and felt relatively satisfied even in the end with a frequency of once a week or so.

 

So now we broke up, and I want to have sex a lot but I don't want to go back to lurking the bars, doing drugs just to get with needy women.

 

My high sex drive is impairing my ability to relate with the regular women I should be with. Women eventually sense that and dont like it obviously.

 

There is a certain anxiety that builds up and kills my attempt at being a gentleman...

 

I am capable of being patient but the fact is that on a weekly basis, I go on a binge hoping to get relief.

 

I find women incredibly sexy and want them to want me too but they are not as needy as I am.

 

I wonder if this ability to control the sexual urge makes the difference between a man and a wanker.

 

Thanks

[annie24]

Welcome to eNotalone. Have you ever sought counseling for your problems?

[yul]

Hi, I am thinkning about getting counseling.

 

The only reason is that it is not possible to fulfill my needs so far without it being dangerous.

 

I just can't understand how it could be wrong to want to get sexual on a regular basis. Couples do it regularly?

 

The only difference is I don't care if I don't know the person I'm with.

Maybe thats being deviant I don't know.

 

Maybe I should make a man of myself and place an ad in those online classifieds. Maybe it would help meet my needs, should I be diagnosed as being "normal".

[yul]

I forgot to add that one main motivations behind this is that I really enjoy getting a womans attention. I doesnt have to be sexual but any kind of attention I find is very flattering for the EGO especially when it gets sexual.

 

It's the summum of success in my terms I guess...

 

How big of a problem is that?

[Beyondthesea]

Well sex isn't everything, you have to get to know someone first before they will have sex with you .

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hi Yul. Welcome to ENA.

 

Congrats on being 5 years clean! Keep it up.

 

I think you are not alone in your sex drive. I'm sure it feels like its higher than most men's, and it may be higher than some, but it is sort of common.

 

I do suggest you see some sort of counselor tho. At some point. They may be able to help with the why as well as offer tips. Good luck!

[yul]

Hey thanks!

 

the more I read, the more I am realising that I place a lot of importance on having a womans attention and affection.

 

So much that it can make me feel impatient and that can actually scare some women away.

 

I need to be more patient, less anxious.

 

But I do also place some importance in knowing ech other but clearly not as high as women would.

[orgasmictofu]

But I do also place some importance in knowing ech other but clearly not as high as women would.

 

This depends on the person. Some people put a higher important on the whole getting to know each other before sex thing than others.

 

Get to know a lady not to get her in the sack, but because you genuinely want to get to know her. Since you seem ready to jump the gun at any point, you can take care of your own needs in the meantime.

[Phoenix69]

I am in a situation where my needs are more than my BFs. I want sex all the time and he likes it around two or three times a week. I think my main problem is that the reason I like having sex with my BF so much is that it is the only time he shows me complete affection and attention.

Do you think this need for love and affection could be part of your problem? If so, counselling is a really good idea. They could help you discover and cure the real reason behind your high sex drive. Or perhaps a doctors appointment so at least you know that the problem isn't physical (such as an imbalance of hormones)

 

Also, congrats on staying clean for five years. Keep it up!

[annie24]

I forgot to add that one main motivations behind this is that I really enjoy getting a womans attention. I doesnt have to be sexual but any kind of attention I find is very flattering for the EGO especially when it gets sexual.

 

It's the summum of success in my terms I guess...

 

How big of a problem is that?

 

well, I wasn't suggesting therapy because you're abnormal What I was wondering is if you got off the coke all by yourself. By the way, congrats on being sober for 5 years!!!! Yeah!!!!

 

Maybe it would be good to talk to a therapist about the issues surrounding you and your former drug use and how you have coped since. May help you get to the root of your lady problems.

[yul]

Hey thanks for your replies!

 

I think I will be able to find some help with you guys, by being able to explain my thoughts and get them cleared up ;-)

 

The fact is that I am the "nice guy" type of person.

 

I care a lot about women and their feelings. So much that it has made my life a bit hard in the aspect that women usually don't go for nice guys.

 

I do not place importance in knowing the person all that much but do genuinely pay attention to their feelings...

 

I need to do some more reading and will get back to you. Sex is probably not my problem rather than romance and passion.

[annie24]

Read the Mars and Venus books by John Grey. I think he does a good job of talking about relationships from his and her point of view.