Would this be even consider "emotional abuse"??

[yeawutever]

Ok I already have gotten over this a while ago till I read some posts here, I decided to post this. It's on how I would be criticize by my mother for being withdrawn, shy and lacking social skills as a kid and early adolescent. It would be like "You cna't really communicate can't you" or "You dodn't really know what to say cna't you" and she would have a sad look on her face. Instead of helping me develop more skills, it got me worst and worst at it from year to year. At first it wans't insults nor her getting angry, but her being sad and actually crying about it. Was in Elementary school at the time and no friends, getting teased every single day. Off course I didn't told her about the teasings, why bother, only to her her cry or say "Oh wut are we gonna do now, guess your father will have to come to school", nope, not her, she would go nuts with it. I never tod that and won't.

 

By the time I turn 15, from then on, it did get to insults and off course I would talk back to her, even call her a " * * * * *" one and "I hope you die already". Off course in high school, my life change, hardly any teasing left, no more of it, did made some friends. Then yea, still was shy, still lack social skills. But mom was now getting more angry than sad over it, she was like "Oh you can't talk can't you", or "I bet you don't even know what to say, you'll never suceed in society like that" or "Can't you TALK, TALK GIRL, TALK". The worst thing was getting compare to another person. For example if one my friend was outgoing and already in a relation she would say "Look at your friends, I bet she knows how to act, isn't withdrawn like you, etc. and kepp pn with the stupid comparison. Seriously instead of helping me it would get me mad and almost wanting to cry out. I did resented her for a while over it and yes my communication with her has decrease a lot, very much. I guess she didn't mean to do that on purpose. After this, she would say she was sorry and only meant it for my good, so I can improve on my social skills, change for the better, I guess I kinda still resent that. So what if I wasn't outgoing nor talkatative by nature like her, if she had no suggestions on improving myself, she should have shut up with that already. The off course I overcame this on my own, she did nothing to help it.

I would consider this emotional abuse, but I dunno, was this really abuse??

[alteer]

It's a fine line. I personally consider anything that hurts you that deeply to be emotional abuse.

 

But then again, parents are only able to do the best THEY know how, with the tools they have. And maybe she did think, in her own way, that she was helping. Being a mother myself I know that sometimes, out of anger or frustration I say things to my kids that I wish I hadn't.

 

You can't go back in time, and neither can she. So if it's possible you should just concentrate on having the best relationship with her that you can now.

[tylercdurden2004]

If you are a child and cannot remove yourself from the situation then yes it is emotional abuse. Do yu think that you can use this "issue" to your advantage? I mean your mom does not sound ike she even has a clue. Did she really think berating you about being shy would make you feel confident enough to become outgoing? Of course it wouldnt. I can only recommend that you look for some positive in this and try to turn it into an advantage.

[renaissancewoman101]

Yes, I would consider it emotional abuse because it probably did a number on how you feel about yourself in terms of your shyness. But, then it probably also caused you to come out of your shyness to prove her wrong. I dont know. I do know that parents shouldnt constantly belittle and put down their kids. It is not a good thing to do since it wrecks their self-esteem and causes problems with the way they view life.

 

My mom has never been happy with my height. I am 4'5" tall. All my life, she has constantly criticized my height and put me down for it. She tells me that I am an embarrassment to her and that she doesnt like her friends to see me because they make fun of me to her and tell her that I wont do well in life, wont find a guy, wont ever get married because who would ever want a woman as small as me. Her friends used to make fun of me or say things to my mom when they saw me and instead of defending me, my mom would turn on me and tell me what an embarrassment I was to her. That bothered me a lot and caused me to hate myself. I dont like my height and I am VERY self-conscious about it. When I was growing up and out with my mom, if someone made fun of me for my height, just off the street, my mom would get mad at me and ask me what I was doing to draw attention to myself.

 

Nowadays, I stay away from my mom's friends and I dont see my mom a lot. For the last 15 years, I only saw my parents twice a year. A few months ago, I moved back to CA and now I live closer to my parents so I see them once every two weeks.

[yeawutever]

Right I can't go back in time. Till this day I still kinda hate her for this. Thought she would apologize and say she ddin't really mean it, she still did it. It's like saying "Oh I'm sorry I step on her toes", but guess wut, it doesn't really matter, you still did it, apologizing doesn't count anymore.

[alteer]

My mum once told me that "she wished I was the * * * * left over on the sheets".

 

I was about 15 and being a right little cow to her, so I know she said it out of anger. Not that it didn't hurt any less and we get on like best mates now.

 

But seriously it was only until I'd had kids that I understood just how difficult it is. Parents don't think to themselves when they have a child 'Now let's see how much I can screw this kid up' They just do the best they can, sometimes it just so happens that it's not enough.

[xprincessbugx]

In a way I think she thought she was helping you. She didn't see it as being abusive she was just angry that you weren't how she thought you should be so yeah, she prolly did push it a little bit a few times but I think it was because deep down she was worried about you and she was afraid you weren't going to fit in.

[miracle29]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I can tell you from personal experience that this is emotional abuse.

 

I really feel for you...because I remember hearing things similar...

Things that my daughter will NEVER have to hear. And if my husband or I ever got to the point where we started doing this..I'd get help asap...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I think I remember you posting similar about this before. I feel for you in a big way and I can relate. I think there's a lot of people out there who should've been fixed. Things like this, and mine and my bro's situation, and a lot of others, makes a good case for opposition to the notion that mothers (or fathers) are somehow better than non-parents.

 

To directly answer your question yes I think it was emotional abuse. I know (first hand) what that's like, and I feel for you.

 

I don't know where you're at, but I've decided the best option is to simply sever ties. It doesn't sound like you suffered from neglect also (not being fed, etc), though, so maybe that wouldn't be the best option for you(?).