I really need some advise.

[BeatleJon]

Hi,

My name is Jon and I'm new here. My girlfriend has recently broke up with me after 3 years of being together. It is hurting SO bad. The reason she broke up with me is because she said she dosen't see a future with me and she basically wants me to make more money than her....it's all about money. She also said we didn't do much in the 3 years we were together but, I really didn't have the money to do something all of the time. I went to talk to her about our problem last night and I got shot down again and I got kind of mad and said things I should not have said but, deep down, I still believe she has feeling for me (I hope so, anyway). I have also decided to go back to school to get a degree in something so, I can make more money in the future but, she dosen't really know about it yet. Is there any chance I can get her back? Does the "No Contact" theory kinda work? I've read the posts on here about it and sounds pretty interesting.

Thanks so much for any help you my have.

Jon N.

[Iceman26]

My girlfriend has recently broke up with me after 3 years of being together. The reason she broke up with me is because she said she dosen't see a future with me and she basically wants me to make more money than her.

 

Welcome Jon. Sorry to hear about what happened.

 

To be perfectly candid, she told you she doesn't see a future with you. I'd take that at face value and move on. My suggestion to you is to work on YOU for YOU and YOU alone, and then once you have established yourself, then focus on the ladies.

 

Personally, if a girl dumped me because she wanted me to make more money than her, I'd think that was pretty shallow. She's looking for someone to support her, she is not looking for an equal partner. Who makes more money should be irrelevant, as long as you are both happy and supportive of each other.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hi Jon - welcome to the best support site on the net!! Hoe you like it.

 

Sorry 'bout your situation. No contact (NC) really is a working theory for most people here. And from just what you said, I suggest you try it too.

 

I'm really sorry you're so sad but I do think NC will work for you. Thru the tough part of it, you can always post here and get support, someone to talk to or just listen to your pain or rants.

 

Good luck to you!!

[Jjasonn28]

Personally, if a girl dumped me because she wanted me to make more money than her, I'd think that was pretty shallow. She's looking for someone to support her, she is not looking for an equal partner. Who makes more money should be irrelevant, as long as you are both happy and supportive of each other.

 

I completely agree with Iceman. It is in my opinion that finding this out sooner rather than later is a very good thing for you. A loving relationship consists of (among other things) trust, honesty, integrity, and an equal commitment to eachothers unconditional happyness.

 

It seems, that in this case, she is more concerned with what YOU can provide for HER, than what you BOTH can bring EACHOTHER, and is a huge red flag in my opinion.

 

Remove her from the picture for a second.. are you happy with your life? Are you content in what you do? Are you going to school to get a degree because its something that YOU want for YOURSELF? If you are doing it, only do it for you and no one else. First and foremost, live your life for yourself. Its not selfish. Be happy with who YOU are.

 

Relying on others to be happy is a dangerous road to travel, that often ends up disappointment.

 

Take care of yourself.

[BeatleJon]

Thanks for your help guys. I really appreciate it. I'll give the "No Contact" thing a chance for a while. If that doesn't work, I'll have to try to move on. It's weird because it seems like one day she loved the heck out of me and then the next day, she pulls this out of her pocket. I'm just wondering if she's been talkin to her friends or something?

Thanks,

Jon N.

[brokenpogostick]

If I was a dude and some chick broke up with me because of money that'd be pretty lame. It's not about how much money someone has, it's about how you feel when you are with that person. There are plenty of things you can do without spending a lot of cash.

 

I'd suggest moving on, buddy. It sucks, I know, but there's gotta be better women than that out there.

 

Best of Luck,

 

~Melanie

[BeatleJon]

We've been together for a little more than 3 yrs. I believe deep inside, there are still feelings for me. We did EVERYTHING together. Everyone I know didn't think this would ever happen. She has also been very busy with nursing school and I believe that stress also had to come into play. I've been buggung her for the past month off and on. So, I'm going to try the No Contact thing for a month or 2 and see what happens.

Thanks,

Jon N.

[BeatleJon]

Thanks for the advise. I'm still hoping for this to turn out good. Her screen name is "JonsGrlfrnd" and the last time I talked to her, I told her to change it since she is not with me anymore. And she also said how much she loves me in her profile. So far, she hasn't changed any of the info or the screen name, I think there still may be a chance for us. I'm not going to get my hopes up on this though. EVERY person I've known who has been in a relationship and broke up has gotten back together..........eventually.....it just takes time. Thanks alot for all of your comments guys and gals.

Jon N.

[mikeca]

ya msn has changed the way ppl vent I remember just before the break up her name was " you can only rely on yourself"

 

then after it was a simple "guys suck"

[masb1x]

Jon,

The first thing you need to do is to momentarily forget about your ex girl friend and take a look into the Crystal ball.

 

Ask yourself:

"Where will I be ten years from now?"

"Will I have a wife and kids?"

If so,

"How will I support them financially?"

"Will I be a good husband, father, and provider?"

"Do I see myself with a beautiful, giving, and loving wife who wants to be with me because she's totally in love with me

, and not my money?",

 

Jon,

I have a feeling that the answer is yes to all of the questions above.

 

So lets get back to the present time.

 

Jon, stop wallowing in self-defeating lovesickness and self-pity.

Your ex girl friend the "Gold Digger" did you a favor by dumping you.

Forget about her and focus on what your doing today to prepare yourself for the future.

It's good that you started college. Don't waste time partying, or goofing off.

Just pick your Major and go for it %100 percent. Study! Study! Study!

I guarantee you that when you get that piece of paper, and you land that good paying job, many women will be lining up to be with you. When this happens, don't get serious right away. Take your time, because there are a lot of good women out there to pick and choose from. Just remember to avoid the "Gold Diggers", "Man Haters", "Strokers", and "Insecure and Jealous" type of women.

 

Jon, you also need to work on your temper, keep your cool, and don't say stupid things that you may regret later. When it comes to women don't ever beg or pout, have some self respect. Trust me, women will respect you for it. Further more, too many gifts, too many I love you's, too many phone calls, begging, and pouting turn women off. Women must reciprocate when giving gifts, I love you's, etc.

 

As for your ex, (and this will hurt) don't tell her anything!!! Change your phone number and RUN.

 

For all, Once a woman/man dumps you, move on, and NEVER EVER go back!!!

 

Good luck Jon!!!

MASB1X

[bacci]

Is it possible that we are missing something here? They were together for three years, if all she cared for was money, the fact that he didn't have for so long and she stayed means that she is not only interested in money right? she would have left long time ago. If she is hoping to have a relationship that would consolidate into a marriage with children and everything she would want somebody who can also provide for the needs of the family. Maybe she got tired of trying to get him to work to his full potential, maybe she knows he can achieve much more. It seems like he thinks so himself and it could be that this break upo motivates him to be all he can be. If in the process she realizes that he is actively working on better his options for the future she might reconsider. I wonder if there were discussions of this sort, love is great but when it comes to having family responsibilities we want to know that both partners are willing to do what it takes to take care of each other and the children. How old is she?

[BeatleJon]

Very, very, very, good point. She would have left a long time ago if it was about money because I never did make alot. I believe she is trying to make myself be a go getter. I am 23 and she is 20 years old. She is a very smart girl and I believe she just wants me to try harder and think of our future and I can't blame her. I'm making $8 per hour and thats not near enough to start a family on. She told me she wants me to prove myself and that is what I'm going to do. I'm not doing it for her, I'm doing it for myself. I believe I will wait for about a month to call her to see what she's been up to.......or should I call? I know she is not interested in anyone else. I believe she still loves me and she knows I love her. I still think about her everyday and I'm praying every night that we'll get back together.

Thanks,

Jon N.

[Jjasonn28]

She told me she wants me to prove myself and that is what I'm going to do. I'm not doing it for her, I'm doing it for myself.

Jon N.

 

I feel uneasy about this. You have to prove yourself to her? Let me ask you something. Have you ever suggested or asked her to prove herself to you?!?

 

I realize its human nature to 'prove' to a potential mate that you are deserving of their attention.... time... commitment.. whatever. But did she really come out and tell you to prove it? To prove that you are worthy of her? How about asking her to prove that she is 'good enough' for you?

 

You are doing a great thing by going to school to improve yourself and better the prospect of your future. Please be commited to do it ONLY FOR YOURSELF. Take pride in this. Prove to yourself that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

 

 

I am just slightly worried that you are doing it for her. Be strong man. Dont be a lap dog.

[moink75]

Sorry for the situation, but there is a bright side to every situation (or so I am told). Improve your life for you. YOU are the only one that can make YOUrself happy. Don't rely on others to make you happy. At this time you need to concentrate on you.

 

There may come a time when you see her again, but remember, she has changed and so have you.

 

Money is something you can't take with you (if you know what I mean). Yes you can buy things, but how warm does it keep you at night?

 

It sounds to me like she is studing "how to be a shallow person class 101" in nursing school. Maybe she missed the compassion classes?

 

Food for thought: Never say something in the heat of an argument that you can't take back. Once those words leave your lips, you can never take them back even if you ment it or not.

[BeatleJon]

I believe she just wants reassurance that I can support her later in life if we decided to get married....and I can't blame her. If I stayed with the same job, making the same money, there is no way I could. Here is a reply email she sent to me around Easter time....

 

""Hi,

Happy Easter to you too! Jon I really think you are missing the point.I know reality might be hitting you right now... or you wouldn't be emailing and calling me. I think you are just lonely or completely bored out of your mind. I know how it would be if we got back together. It would be fun with a lot of promises.... but I can't see the promises ever taking effect. We would end up the way we were. I agree that we have had some fun times, but sitting on the couch all day and watching 5 movies in one night is in no way fun. I have to have some excitement in my life and I feel like I wasn't getting any. Yes I AM SPOILED! But you are too if you think about it. You have always had you parents treat you like a 7 year old. You don't do much for yourself and you are not showing me a future. I hate to say it but you need to grow up. Stop living like your dad. I need some reassurance. You went all winter without a job and I know you just got your old one back.... I am happy for you. But that time not working, isn't working with me.... you could have got a job if you wanted one. You can't say there wasn't any available.... you just did want the ones that were out there. Sometime you have to do what you don't want to do. I want to see you be a go-getter.""

 

Let me know what you guys think about this email.....

Jon

[Iceman26]

My reaction to this email is that she took the cowards way out of the relationship, by blaming you for everything, when she could have been an adult, had a hard talk with you and said look buddy, either you get your act together or we need to part ways.

 

Instead, like the spoiled brat she claims to be, dumps you, and then has the gall to insult you up and down the board, dangling a future relationship with you (if you do the things she wishes you to do) like a carrot in front of a rabbit.

 

She should have worked with you, helped, and encouraged you (like people in a relationship ideally should do) but she chose to sit there and pick on you and your family. I hate girls like this. Reading that email made me cringe.

[Jjasonn28]

My reaction to this email is that she took the cowards way out of the relationship, by blaming you for everything, when she could have been an adult, had a hard talk with you and said look buddy, either you get your act together or we need to part ways.

 

Instead, like the spoiled brat she claims to be, dumps you, and then has the gall to insult you up and down the board, dangling a future relationship with you (if you do the things she wishes you to do) like a carrot in front of a rabbit.

 

She should have worked with you, helped, and encouraged you (like people in a relationship ideally should do) but she chose to sit there and pick on you and your family. I hate girls like this. Reading that email made me cringe.

 

HERE HERE!!!!!

[BeatleJon]

I really dont know what the hell to do??? I'm going to try the No Contact method to see if it works. If she starts to miss me and really cares about me, she will call. If not, I am never looking for any girls again. I've been dumped 4 times and I've had it! I am a very good person....I've never done anything bad in my life and this is the thanks I get. She's making this sound like I've done something very bad??!! To me, this is not that big of a deal. A couple should be able to work things like this out if they really care about each other. We've been together too long and we have done too any things to just throw it all away. This sucks SO bad.

Jon

[masb1x]

Jon,

Wake up and smell the coffee my friend!!! Did you read my previous post? It is about looking into the future, self improvement, reaching your goals, and MOVING on to the next girl. It seems like other respondent's in this forum are trying to tell you the same thing, but you won't listen.

 

Your' ex's E-mail is as plain as day. She doesn't want you anymore. But whats even more obvious and pathetic is that she really talks down to you.

 

What if you were a millionaire and you told her that she was too poor for you? All of her friends would have labelled you a "Big Jerk". Women love "Jerks".

 

Jon, the problem is that you are TOO NICE of a guy. You let your ex girlfriend disrespect you one too many times, and you will never get that respect back from her.

It's too late. You should have grown some cojones and stood up to her a long time ago.

 

The break up with you isn't really about the money. This is about respect. Women don't need money to love you. What they need is to have some type of respect for you.

 

For example, you've been to the mall and seen some real "Jobless Losers", (with rings in their noses, spiked hair, ear rings, and tattoos), going out with some very good looking women who were rated in the tens (10's)). The key is that those "Jobless Losers" stand up to their women. They don't take any BS from them. They tell them "NO", "BACK OFF", and "SHUT UP" when necessary. To those "losers", disrespect is out of the question. No respect = no interest, no love.

 

Sorry to say this Jon, but your ex has probably found someone else who has more cojones than you do.

 

Change your attitude dude!!! Buy a Harley (this is adventurous), and treat women like you don't give a damn if they are with you or not.

 

Trust me, after they breakup with you, they will be back banging at your door crying and pleading , " Please don't leave me!!! I made a BIG mistake!!! Your the only man I REALLY ever loved!!!" Jon, this is because they know that you really are a good, but strong guy who doesn't get runned over by anyone. And this is what they want in a man.

 

You stated that you have been dumped 4 times. Did your ex girlfriends' disrespect you too Mr. nice guy? MOVE ON TO THE NEXT GIRL!!! And don't make the same mistakes you made with your ex's.

 

 

Jon, look in the mirror and repeat 100 times a day, " I am not a wussy, and I will stand up to my girl friends and others who disrespect me."

 

I hope this helps.

 

P.S. When someone breaks up with you, the rule is: No begging, no pouting, no whimpering like a puppy dog, no flowers, no gifts, no cards, no E-mails.

Move on to the next one.

 

Sincerely,

MASB1X

[007]

He's absolutely correct...and I say this as a fellow "nice guy."

 

Being the nice guy gets you nowhere, and nowhere FAST and in a hurry.

 

I should've done what MASB1X is saying to you, but nope, I did the "nice guy" emailing, calling, notes, etc. and she's gone and with a new guy now.

 

He probably is a punk, too. But, he's got her and I don't. If you want another chance with her, then you're gonna have to move on and act like you could care less.

 

I know I wish I did as soon as she quit me, instead of being "the nice guy."

[BeatleJon]

Ok, its been about 1 week of No Contact. She hasn't contacted me and I haven't contacted her. She hasn't changed her AIM screen name or her profile.....even though I told her to. I was JUST about to send her an email but, I came here instead. I was thinking about calling her in about a month to see how things are going for her. Not to ask her out or say anything about the relationship.....would this be a good idea to contact her after a month just to see how things are going?? I wish I would have found out about this place a month ago.](*,)

Thanks,

Jon N.

[Iceman26]

My fellow hoosier,

 

No, it would not be a good idea. You may not realize it now Jon, but you are better off with out her. You need someone who will stand beside you during the trials of life, not tear you down and insult you. That is not a way to motivate people, especially someone you love.

 

Like I said before, you have to make yourself busy. You shouldnt have time to sit around, thinking about what she is doing. Think about improving your life, your job, and your well being, and then think about the ladies.

[masb1x]

Jon,

Iceman26 is absolutely correct. You are better off without her.

 

Do not contact her, because her rejection and abusive behavior toward you will only intensify the pain and anxiety that you are already feeling.

 

If she contacts you, lie to her:

 

If she contacts you, calmly tell her that you are very happy with the (break up) decision that she has made.

Tell her that you have met a "REAL NICE GIRL", and that you are now, "Happily", moving on with your life.

Tell her that you would appreciate it if she wouldn't try to contact you anymore.

Tell her that you are absolutely crazy over the new “NICE GIRL”, and that you do not want old flames calling which, you are afraid, may jeopardize the success of the new relationship,

 

Work on making the lie into "REALITY".

 

Change your phone number, get off the couch, and go looking for Mrs. "Right".

The chances of meeting a women while sitting at home watching movies is zero (0) percent.

 

 

Do something constructive.

For example, join an athletic club.

 

There are many benefits involved:

 

1) You can work out the pain and anxiety that you are currently feeling over your ex girlfriend.

2) You will not feel so lonely, because you will be around other people, (especially those good looking babes that work out everyday).

3) You will greatly increase your odds of meeting another woman.

4) You will be physically, and mentally healthier.

 

 

After several years on the leash, you are probably a little rusty on the dating scene.

So Jon, even though I am not an expert, I am going to throw in some basic dating tips.

 

Tips for you when you’re out dating the next one:

 

1) Do not ever talk about ex girlfriends, or problems that you had in your past relationships. Be vague, if the woman asks’ for the gory details.

2) Do not appear to be overly anxious to find someone new. Take your time. Do not continually look for approval from your dates. And do not be too anxious to please.

3) Do not brag. This is a turnoff to both men and women.

4) Do not reveal too much about yourself. Remain a mystery, women like mysterious men.

5) Be a good listener, and make eye contact when your having a conversation with a woman.

(Eye contact shows that you are a confident guy).

6) Do not engage in intense political conversations, stick to small talk, and add a little humor to your conversations.

7) Try keeping the conversation interesting – I.E. Do not talk about car engines, unless the chick is an auto-mechanic, and she initiates a conversation on the topic first.

8) Do not gawk at, or flirt with other women.

9) Do not look like you’re down and out on your luck (gloomy). Try to keep a pleasant smile on your face.

10) Be respectful to women, and act like a gentleman.

 

11) Keep your hands to yourself. No touching, kissing, or putting your arms around her. If she is interested in you, eventually she will initiate the kissing, touching, etc. Than you can reciprocate.

12) If a woman loses interest in you and does not want to date you anymore, than smile and bow out gracefully. Move on to the next one.

13) If a woman is rude and obnoxious on a date, smile, shoot her the middle finger, and scram out of there. (Let the taxi driver take her home.).

 

Jon, this is probably too much detail, but I hope that this will help you find and win over the next one!!!

 

Sincerely,

 

MASB1X

[BeatleJon]

Thanks for the advise guys. I'm really too shocked to do any of this right now. I still believe there is a chance for us. It's horrible to say but, it seems like dealing with a death is easier to do than a long term break up. When someone is dead....there are no questions...they are gone. When someone breaks it off with you, you are constantly thinking..."What are they doing?"...."Are they thinking of me". But, I can see her side of the story too, she wants to be taken care of and I don't blame her. I get to go to college for free (because my mom is an instructor) and I have most of the my general education classes done so, it would be kinda dumb not to go back and get a degree and start my life. I haven't told her I'm going back to school yet. I still may call in a month (if she dosen't call) to tell her the news and see whats up. I don't think she is looking for anyone else. I know her very well...but then again, I didn't think this would ever happen!

[Iceman26]

Jon, I think if you focus on yourself for a while, and get your act together, and see what you can do, you are going to find (hopefully) some self confidence so you can see that this girl isn't what you have made her out to be and that you can do better and deserve better than someone like her.