Please Help-

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My ex of 3 months emailed me recently to tell me that he misses me and thinks he regrets breaking up, that he feels we could have had a good happy life together... so we ended up talking (this whole time he has a new girlfriend) and basically he just wanted to let me know this info, but didnt want me to do anything about it... I let him know how selfish I thought he was, etc. And he asked would I get back with him IF he broke up with his g-friend. I told him I coudnt even respond to that hypothetical situation if he was with her. I told him he would have to break up with her first before we even had that convo- that I didnt know whether or not I could ever trust him again. I also said I didnt know if he was capable of working that hard at something... He said he didnt know if he wanted to risk losing her, if he didnt know for sure that I would get back with him (psycho) Meanwhile, they have been together for 2 months. He started dating her not even a month after we broke up.

 

SO, i told him to not contact me anymore, that if he missed me to not let me know, ESP. if he still has a girlfriend. I said that I have been moving on, and forgetting him, and not speaking to him has helped me to do that, and I want to continue to do that. After we hung up, I sent him the following email...

 

I do hope that one day down the road we could be friends and talk every once in a while... I'm just not there yet. And by that time, neither of us will probably even care anymore. Even though you drive me nuts, I just want you to know I don't think you are a bad person. And even though I think you were unfair to me and very selfish in the end, i will always remember the good memories and fun times that we had, because we definitely had plenty of them, esp. our late night talks, and board game nights lol. I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope that feeling is mutual. By the way, I still think about your family, even miss them sometimes, funny because I didn't know them that well, but they were really nice to me, and I liked them, esp. ________. Anyway, I hope that they are all well.

 

it's too bad, really, i think there was something strong and special between us & I thought we could have had a fun/good life together. Oh well, everything happens for a reason, and I guess one day we will both figure out why our paths crossed.

 

Take care and be honest with yourself and with your new girlfriend.

 

Do you think that was bad? I felt I needed to do the closure thing once more.

 

Advice? Thoughts?

[DN]

It was good.

 

If he did break up with her - would you get back with him?

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i dont think the trust would ever be there... do you think my email was strong? Did it show that he still made me weak?

[comppackage]

He is very selfish and could be very manipulative at times... I didnt want to leave it on a bad note. I think he was lucky that i even spoke to him. He held me on a string for a while after our break up and he obviously still is... Obviously, he cant be too happy with this other girl if he is toying with the idea of being with me?!?

[DN]

The e-mail is now sent an was not weak. But you should think of it in your own mind as an ending and move on to a better relationship.

[Scout]

I think what you told your ex was the right thing - and he needed to hear it! However, your subsequent email was a bit more open-ended, and may give him the idea to keep pursuing something with you. Be honest: did you have second thoughts after your actual talk with him, and wanted to keep things possible in the future?

 

If so, that's perfectly understandable, and only human nature when we still have some feelings for someone. But I think you know in your heart that your first reaction that what he was proposing was selfish was the right reaction. It was, and yes, it's an indication that he's not trustworthy.

 

Like DN says, consider your last email to him an ending...and move on. You've got the strength and will power to do it, if you just keep reminding yourself of what you originally said to him.

[tulip]

wow.... i think that letter was really good. it showed him one last time how much of a bigger person you are than him and reminded him of what he gave up.

you sounded strong and sure of yourself and you said it all with class all while letting him know that you are now in a better place while he is still wishy-washy about where he wants to be.

i'm working on getting the strength you seem to have after being lied to and now lost trust.

maybe someday in the near future i can borrow your letter and send it to my loser guy.

stay strong......

[Scout]

you sounded strong and sure of yourself and you said it all with class all while letting him know that you are now in a better place while he is still wishy-washy about where he wants to be

 

I have to say I disagree a bit. While the very end of this email started to sound like this, most of the rest didn't. And so I bet he'll keep trying. In which case, if you really want to protect yourself from more hurt, you'll be consistent in your message of, "sorry, it's not happening."