Should race have been an issue?

[tulip]

sat night we go out even after all the lies I caught him in.

his lies are on my mind still all night though.

those text messages are too questionable.

i told him i need to hear it from her that they are not having sex.

"call her now" i insisted.

he wouldn't.

"why are you protecting her?

"i'm not" he said, "she doesn't need to be dragged into this".

that's the only way i'll know and if she is just a friend, she'd want things to work out for you and the woman you want to be with. she'd be happy to clear up any confusion.

"if i call her, then i get something out of this" he insisted.

"i get to have sex with you".

 

is he seriously trying to negotiate with me in a time like this?

i have nothing to clear up or to prove..... i think he was waiting for me to say no way so that he could get out of calling her.

 

"only if she answers what i need to know and it's all on speaker phone.....here's what yo need to say". i started writing it down so he didn't skate around the issue.

 

i started to write on a napkin what he'd say , "Hey Raye, Hear me out.....You know how I feel about Tulip, right?"

 

"You're gonna get your *** kicked" he said.

"WHAT? why?"

 

"Because she doesn't LIKE YOU!" he yelled.

She has no reason to not like me unless you never told her what happened and why we ended up there at her place because you wouldn't fess up and your lies took us there.

 

Do you want the blunt truth? he yelled.

I always have.

"She said to me, I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE THAT WHITE B**CH AGAIN!!"

 

I was surprised at this.

Not only because she'd have so much anger towards me but because after she said that, he went and had drinks with her....his way of saving face with her.

 

THis was beyond me.

We were about to go into a club right before this discussion but now, now she might be out there with her friends and see me with him and be like, "There's that white Bi**H.

 

That is completely unfair.

Did she really say that? Was he just trying to scare me out of having him call her?

 

Race was NEVER a factor in our relationship before. He has mentioned that

she complains about no good black me being out there....

If true, I can understand why that would bother her but if she is only just a friend then she should be happy for him or at least accept who he is wanting to date.

 

I told him to get out of my car. We are done.

He grabbed my keys so i couldn't leave.

I said, "Look, I am 36 years old and you are 40. I don't need the threat of a 25 year old angry black women in my life. I can't even go out with you now because she might see us and now that you told me she'd kick my ***, I have myself to think about. I don't live in a world like that. Keep your friend. WE ARE DONE.

 

I grabbed my keys and opened his door so he's know there was nothing left to discuss.

 

His lies were an issue enough. Trust was something we were working on.

I was raised in a very open family who accepts all people and take a stand for diversity.

I don't allow people in my life who close their mind or turn their nose up at me because my friends come in many different nationalities/races/might be gay/political views whatever. I don't keep their company. I go by their character not their package.

 

So it REALLY, REALLY hurt me to hear that his "friend" would refer to me as a white bi*ch and even go so low as to want to fight. She has said things before like, "black people should be with black people" and "there are not that many good black men for us black women" and I'm not denying her pain. It's hers and that's her experience. But if he meets someone of another race and likes their company, should he suppress it because if her?

 

So that really hurt like I said.

He's always going to try to appease her and be with me.

He opened up a whole new can of worms wether it was true or to keep from calling her.....I don't know but it was enough for me to think that this is not going to be a happy relationship if we have to avoid his "friends".

 

He called yesterday and left a message just saying, "call me, it's important".

I never called him.

I thought I'd try for a week without calling him.

At least a week.

I doubt it's anything really important anyway......

 

I just needed to vent

[kellbell]

Girl,

 

He is a liar. May I ask why are tango-ing with him? You are going to get really hurt if you keep talking to him. I am a little confused though...I thought he was never your BF...so why does it matter whom he has been having sex with or when?

[WhatGives]

He seems pretty immature for a 40 year old. Reading through this, it sounded like two 18 year olds having a fight. I think that you deserve someone that has a little more upstairs, and a little less pull downstairs. No one should negotiate having sex with you for any reason... especially to gain your trust.

 

He seems like he has a lot of baggage, and the racial baggage doesn't help! It doesn't matter why that friend disliked you; what mattered was his reaction. Instead of fighting for you he went and had drinks with her? To what? Celebrate her disrespect for you?

 

Drop him cold. Don't answer his calls. And keep on being your diverse self!

[tulip]

We were dating and had trust issues so I decided to break it off.

He wanted to prove himself to me that he is trustworthy and that I am the one that he wished he had shown me more before I broke up.

So instead of rushing back into his arms, I let him prove himspf to me...I needed to see him work hard to get me back. Maybe I made him wait and work to long? (about 6 months)? He always reassured me (even without me asking) that he hasn't slept w/ anone and won't because he doesn't want to tarnish the possibility of us and that could ruin it for us...... he was so adamant.

 

an you are right....this sounds so immature i thought twice about posting the age but i guess you never know when in your life this stuff will happen.

[Blsaphir]

I'm proud that you did the right thing, and are still doing the right thing. The fact that he still saw her, and allowed her to say those things to you proved that he didn't care about your feelings and about his relationship with you. I hope you continue to build your life with understanding of reality and become a stronger person for it.

[kellbell]

Tulip,

 

I am shocked as heck he is 40....I seriously thought he was like 19, 22 TOPS! Seriously. I am so sorry you have been going though this, it cannot be easy. Any more contact with this man, you are really gutton for pain. You deserve better.

 

Hang in there and focus on YOU! Look out for you for now on.

 

(((big hugs)))

[Momene]

All racism is bad, so why the hell does he tolerate it? You were right to dump him because he's condoning her racism.