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[mc2000]

hi everyone,

sorry if this is really long - i need to vent even if no one replies! my gf of 2 1/2 years moved oseas (a long way) about 2 months ago - it was heartbreaking for us both. Its been her dream to do this , so I encouraged her to follow her dreams, but told her it wasnt because I wanted to lose her, but because i felt it was something she had to do and I would never want to deny her that. There was talk of me going but I just said that it wasnt really an option due to my work situation etc, plus I thought it was something she had to do on her own....

 

It was agreed that we would basically not be together for her stay o'seas, and the talk came about two weeks ago..she went on a tour and is on cloud nine - she said guys are now starting to show interest and she is making lots of new friends and cant promise me anything. She's said there's no one else she has her sights on, I think she just wants to know she has the option to be free. She also said she has had doubts as to whether we are perfect for one another and hopes these doubts will fade while she is away. things werent great for the first part of our relationship, things continually got better and towards the end she said she felt like a princess and it was great.

 

Deep down I understand, she told me when she first arrived and before she left that that this trip was for her to develop as a person, become stronger and grow.

 

 

 

anyway im at a point where I think if I hang around and wait im only opening myself up for more motown blues. she hasnt decided how long she will stay, has told me she cant make any promises - its only been about a week and half since the "conversation " - she's been msg me every couple of days, telling me what she;s doin and says she loves me, asks how i am - maybe this is her way of coping with our seperation?? ive been replying but nothing to put pressure on her. I just figure if I give her space but still remind her how i feel about her things will work themselves out. I think very soon the buzz she has being oseas will be fading as she is running out of $$.

 

I know she would be finding it hard - she has said she would love me to visit (for the right reasons of course and we can explore together) - i said its probably not the best time - maybe in a little while. I want to give her space but at the same time i dont want to lose her...a moment seems like eternity with out her and i need her to know how I feel...although I think she already does.

 

I know hearts change, but i would love to think that she will start to miss me, want me back and at the same time make the most of her trip.

 

anyway - of course no one can give me a perfect answer but can anyone offer advice on what they think i should do?? it hasnt been long since the "talk" but im just at crossroads, I know that Im going to make myself a better person..why would she want to come back to someone who is moping around and putting pressure on her? ive quit smoking (this was something that really upset her - but i havent told her that i have) and im just trying to be strong.

 

 

i know you have heard it all before but thanks for reading and listening -

 

mc

[DN]

I may be wrong but I get the feeling that she is hoping to keep you waiting so that you will be available if she doesn't find anyone else while travelling. Seems somewhat selfish to me.

[kadvati79]

You sound like you are doing pretty well. No matter what happens, I think she will struggle to truly let you go. My experience of people going on trips and meeting people is that they are very hard relationships to make work at best, and if meeting other people is what it takes for her to realise she wants to be with you, then thats what it takes.

 

I think its best to move on and realise that things ended, and there is the possibility that something may happen in future but that you both need to take this time as personal development. After that much time together, I really think it would be difficult to meet someone new and fall in love in anything under a few months afterwards.

[mc2000]

Hi guys,thanks for your replies, DN I know it does seem selfish, she has said to me over and over that what she is doing is just that, but she needs to do it for herself and use this time to grow. before she left I said to her that it seemed like she wanted her cake and to eat is as well..(like what you said) but she replied it wasnt like that. . She wrote me a letter before she left saying "I know I am risking alot by leaving you , like we both know however this is only a temporary parting"

Of course that was then and this is now - she is not untruthful, and i really believe she is just being honest and doesnt want me to sit at home and dwell on anything and pass up a chance that might come my way.I think its her way of being unselfish (prob doesnt make sense )/ It took me a while to open myself up to her - and im killing myself for not doing it sooner but as time went on in our relationship I did and showed her how I really felt.

 

iceboy, I think you are right, I need to see it as over, and try to grow as a person. Its hard tho as she is so far away - trying to not speculate and remain positive - what if I had done this different, or hugged her more or whispered sweet nothings in her ear...she said to me numerous times all she wants is for someone to absolutely adore her and just want to be with her..unfortunately I knew she was an absolute gem but i took her for granted in the beginning. things changed hugely towards the end and it made it very very hard for her to leave - but I still had to let her go - ....so what to do now im not sure..

i guess all i can do now is remind her every now and then how i feel about her - after all that was why she had doubts about us, wait to hear from her and leave it at that - and get on with it all ..

[Demond34]

Man, this situation is almost like mine, from to the start to the end, but we were together over 5 years........My girl said the same thing, it could be the biggest mistake of her life and she still loved me but wanted to move away to make it on her own. The last time we saw each other, it was tears and holding each other, with her telling me shes so confused and asking me what she should do.........I did the same thing you did, I said I won't stand in the way of your happiness, I can't make the decision for you, if you want to do this on your own, then go for it.

 

Then came the phone calls from her while she was down there. It hurt everyday to hear from her. I felt like she was using me as a crutch to let her know I'll always be there for her. She was moving on and I was standing still being dizzy. I felt caged up b/c I couldn't bring us up without her getting upset. So I stopped bringing "us" up. Thats when I heard from her 4 days in a row and it was really friendly, but it was still getting me no where.

 

I finally told her that if she wanted to do this on her own and couldn't promise me anything, to please not call or message me.

 

Your girl is being selfish, so let her be. And you do the same. When she says about you doing other things and not sitting at home moping around, thats just her way of getting herself out of feeling guilty. Just like my ex, your ex will never truly miss you if you are in her ear. I was holding on and I was allowing to get strung along, but I finally cut the rope. I can't tell you what to do, all I can say is I relate to your situation. The only way I was going to get my clarity and myself back was to cut contact.

 

Shes living life, why shouldnt you? I know its hard man, but atleast take a week or two off and try to accept its over, it'll definatley give you another persective and you can look at the past actions more objectively.

 

Good luck to you