Need Guys' opinions/ help (anyone)

[synthetik0826]

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and 8 months, with ups and downs, and a pretty big fallout not too lang ago. Now we are back to problems. What it all basically comes down to is that "I cause him too much stress". I need anyone (especially guys') advice on this one. I need to know some ways to not make him feel stress from me, and ways for me to be less stressful towards him. To give you a little bit of background:

I admit that I can be, well, am usually, very jealous- that makes a big problem here, and I know that- I want to get over that.

Going along with the above, I do seem to start things over nothing (I guess I just want to "make sure" too much.

I tend to freak out over little things, and kind of over-react

 

Well, most of these go together, that I act too protective and etc, I would appreciate greatfully anyones's advice/help on how I can become a better girlfriend and how I can work on these things- Not to put stress on him.

I don't want this to end our relationship as he is saying it has.

[DN]

I guess I should ask if you think your jealousy is based on a reasonable suspicion the he is cheating or is it just your nature to be jealous. Have you been cheated on before or have you ever cheated on someone?

 

Why do you think you start things over nothing? Do you think you are testing him in some way?

[hoping]

sounds to me like you have a little bit of trust issues....meaning when he tells you something you seem to need to "make sure"

 

try taking his words in and believing it for once...it might be hard at first, but that is really all you can do, is trust him....

 

other than that, try communicating with him whenever you feel the need for "reassurance"...

 

i shoudl really start taking my advice

[tylercdurden2004]

Could this be what he is talking about?

[bobo85]

Problem: Your trust for him

 

How can you solve this problem?

 

Let him do his own thing. You can't force someone not to cheat on you. You can't be with him 24/7. Thats just not possible.

 

Don't you want someone who is faithfull to you 150% ? If your bf wants to cheat, he will. Better finding out now then later.

 

But lets just hope he's not cheating and you have to work on your trust issues. Try something small like only calling him once while he's out with the guys. Remember that he is with you by choice and unless he is scum..he won't cheat on you. If he is scum and cheats on you...dump him and say your goodbyes because at least you found out he was a cheater sooner than later.

[synthetik0826]

yeah, thanks for the respoces. Well, more went wrong tonight, so i went over there and got * * * * *ed out, was told that I never want to be seen by him again, ever, and that i'm a psychotic * * * * *, and so on, n just got slapped around a bit, but I don't know. I know I've always been told just to let em go and he'll realize... well i did that not thinkin it would work but it did... there was this thing where i was allowed no contact with him for a month, he wanted nothing to do with me, but then HE broke down after a WEEK! and everything became wonderful, i was treated like a princess, heh, but didn't last long, we're back to this, and worse than ever, but yeah I'm being told to do it again and he will realize again, but I don't think that that can happen a second time...?

[Jjasonn28]

n just got slapped around a bit

 

Um, do you mean this figuratively? If he is physically abusive in any respect towards you, the last thing you should be worrying yourself about is finding ways to 'make him realize'

 

Physical abuse should NOT be tolerated. I suspect you have some self esteem issues that you need to work on. Lack of respect for yourself is detrimental to your ability to trust.

 

However, the first thing you need to do, is respect yourself. Let this guy go and improve yourself. You deserve better.

[Klute]

Okay Guys, I have a problem I would like your opinions about.

 

I work with a guy--a few years younger than me--and we've kinda had this email flirtation going on for a few months. For the longest I didn't know him by face only by email handle. I enjoyed the chit-chat and around the office I knew the face and was definitely attracted to the face but didn't know the face was the emailer. Only recently did I find out the emailer and the face went together. Once I realized the two were one I was crushing big time. Now it seems that his responses to my email are overly delayed. My position is above his so I don't know if this has anything to do with this. In the beginning it seemed as if he was chasing me...now I feel like I'm doing all of the work. I feel as if I'm being led on? Is all of this just my imagination? I don't want to keep emailing this person and look like a doofus.

[bobo85]

You guys work together and have been emailing each other back and forth for 2 months or so without one date? Either you or the guy should've stepped up and asked for a date.

[Klute]

I guess I'm being kinda old fashioned and waiting for him to ask ME out. Maybe he's afraid to ask me because of my higher position. I don't know...I'm so confused.

[Totha]

Synthetik, no relationship consists of 'good times only', which is what I have learned during the last four months, and it probably something you already know after almost two years with your boyfriend. It takes efforts from both sides to make it work. What you describe sounds like a fundametal problem. The good thing is that you have identified what makes him cause too much stress (i.e. your jeaolousy and 'freaking out over little things' episodes). On the other hand, his statement (if this are his exact words) indicates some serious exasperation and lack of sound communication between you two.

 

Have you always had trust issues or has he given you reason to believe that he can't be trusted? In any event, calling you a ***** is inherently unacceptable and I concur with Jjasonn that you should not tolerate any physical abuse, if that is what you meant by 'getting slapped around'.

[shademan]

i once read something very usefull from a bartender .... it ain't over until it's over . so stop whining and freaking out , if it's working it's working , if it's not let it go and look for another , it ain't the end of the world , i would suggest you sit and talk about it , if he cares he will try to comfort you and not make you freak out , if not then he'll probably blow off a couple of defensive words and get aggravated .

[Klute]

I guess I'm being kinda old fashioned and waiting for him to ask ME out. Maybe he's afraid to ask me because of my higher position. I don't know...I'm so confused.

 

 

Okay,

 

I gave him my personal email. He emailed me on the personal email and I gave him my phone number. HE CALLED! He called within four hours. We talked for about fifteen minutes! He was really busy getting some work done and getting ready to go out with some friends, but we made some plans for later in the week.

 

Thanks for the advice and the push, guys!

 

Klute