Thought I was better and he's creeping back...

[lucy259]

I dated my ex for 3.5 years. We were in our mid (and now late) 20's. He broke up with me about 7 months ago, saying he couldn't move it forward and knew I wanted to get married and have kids. The relationship was drama all the time, when it was good it was great but when it was bad it was unbearable. He has a lot of issues, including an anxiety disorder, which is sometimes debilitating, and as well as a variety of family problems. I thought I was over him, we have had no contact since he broke up with me and if we are both invited to the same place, one of us doesn't go. Anyways, I was eating with a friend last Thursday and he passed the restaurant from the street. I was okay at the time, but I can' seem to get away from the idea that my best friend of several years became a stranger on the street and how profoundly sad that is. My friend who was with me when I saw him said she say him two days later and that he looked sad and lonely. I've been okay with this breakup because I've reminded myself that he's sick and just couldn't move forward. Yesterday I logged into the dating site that we met through and noticed he put a profile back up. It was different than when we met-- probably more honest as it said "I don't know if I want kids" and that he was just looking for a "date," no marriage or anything. Also said that he was "rarely active," instead of active and "secular" instead of religious like it had been. I know that none of his knew answers are compatible with me, I want to be married, have kids, be active and value my religion-- so logically I know this just isn't a match. BUT, I miss him terribly, I miss the closeness of having a best friend and knowing he will come through for me.

 

I'm seeing someone knew, but not exclusively (I'm also dating around). He is very considerate and positive in ways my ex never was. But I"m always finding faults with him, because he's not my best friend like my ex was and its not the same. I find myself letting the ex creep back into my mind and am not sure how to handle it. I was really doing pretty well until I saw him passing me on that street and am somewhat haunted by that. (It doesn't help that the restaurant he passed was where we had out 2nd date)... Any ideas welcome.

[chai714]

Lucy,

 

It's normal for events in your life to trigger certain feelings.

 

If your ex treated you poorly in the past, he may or may not have changed. Continue dating around or if you're not stable enough to date, stop that too and take up other activities to fill your time.

 

Good luck.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Lucy,

 

It's normal for events in your life to trigger certain feelings.

 

If your ex treated you poorly in the past, he may or may not have changed. Continue dating around or if you're not stable enough to date, stop that too and take up other activities to fill your time.

 

Good luck.

 

yes, chai got it right, if it ended, i'm sure it was for a reason, just go ahead and keep moving forward.