No friends :(

[eviljedi]

I don't know how this happened. About a year ago I was one of the most popular guys in my school (i'm in almost everypage of the yearbook) and now I have NO friends!!!

 

I need help. I'm nearing the end of my first year at college and I haven't developed any close friendships. There are a few people I talk to sometimes but we don't have the kind of bonds that I had with my previous friends. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me!! It seems like everyone else in college knows each other and they are all best mates.

 

Summer is coming up and I wont see any of them for a few months. I really want to make friends but it's hard for me. I have small talk with people and I'm not very shy or anything, it feels like I don't have a lot in common with most people. Or I can't gain their trust or whatever. Maybe I lack the social skills?

 

Anyone got any advice for me. I'm really stuck here. Has anyone made like 5 close friends really fast? PLEASE HELP!

[walkingwithaghost]

in college noone feels like they have any real friends. join a frat if you're desperate. get a job where you'll meet lots of people. try being a waiter. i do that and there are a lot of close friendships especially with the guys.

[LIFE]

Go exercise...go to the gym on your campus

 

 

Go volunteer...I think this is the best way

 

Or a club...you don't want to join a club with too many people in it...but only a few...that way you can get to know people better

 

 

I'll give you some more advice later

[hosswhispra]

Summer is coming up and I wont see any of them for a few months. I really want to make friends but it's hard for me. I have small talk with people and I'm not very shy or anything, it feels like I don't have a lot in common with most people. Or I can't gain their trust or whatever. Maybe I lack the social skills?

 

 

Think of the things/hobbies/interests that you enjoy the most. Now think of joining activities that are associated with the things/hobbies/interests that you like best. When you join clubs, organizations, sports, or volunteer in an area of interest you are certain to meet people that you have something in common with. Also, I think it's completely normal to feel the way you are feeling now--the first year of college is always a major adjustment in anyone's life and time of social change. You will be fine.

[evy38]

Being popular is High School is a double edged sword. For whatever reason, early on, you seemed to be the guy everyone wanted to be around. While that is great fun, it didn't allow you to really develop your friend making skills. What I mean is they came to you, you didn't go looking for them. I don't think you will see that kind of behavior again, unless you become a famous movie star or a star athlete. So, now you are a little behind and it might be time for a little, "Making Friends 101". You may want to check out the bookstores or college library for some books on the subject. If you really want to learn to make friends, might as well learn everything you can and develop the skills you need for life. I also think all the above are excellent suggestions.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I agree with Evy.

Most of the popular kids I went to high school with took a real noise dive at university. My HS was fairly small and the uni I'm at is about 36,000. I think the main thing was they found out how not important they really are.

I was intimidated by the new situation, but I'm still friends with several of the people I met my first year (which was almost 7 years ago, I'm starting my phd soon). I met them by just talking to people in my classes. If you sit next to someone, say hi, talk about the class, the weather, ask about studying together. Most of the people I studied with become some of my closest friends because we didn't always study when we were together, we would goof around and have fun, too. I have several friends that I would consider some of the most meaningful relationships I've ever had and I don't really talk to anyone from HS anymore.

[ocrob]

I was very popular in High School and was not comfortable with the attention. I made a lot of friends in college, but my true life long friends are the few guys that I knew in High School. Two of them are married with three kids so it changes how we interact, but they will be friends for the rest of my life. Just value the friends you have and maybe you will make more along the way.

[loveydovey]

Something I noticed:

 

-When I joined clubs on campus, I met more people and got a chance to develop friendships with them going to meetings together, volunteering together, etc.

 

-I don't know if your college does this, but at my university, all freshman are in the general college, then your sophomore year freshman enter the college of the field they'll be studying. Once I got into my college, I started taking classes with the same faces. So typically everyone formed bonds with at least the folks in their same department.

 

Give it time. You're still in the adjustment period. I'm sure by the end of Fall semester you'll have tons of acquaintances and friends. Good Luck!