When is the right time to start a relationship?

[FoxLocke]

About a few weeks ago I started seeing a counselor(a psychologist). Overall, it has been the best move I've made so far.

It has really helped me out with my whole "coming out" ordeal...

Furthermore, he has helped me deal with issues that I've never dealt with before.

 

Anyway, somehow, I got onto the issue of relationships. My therapist told me that I should wait awhile before getting into a relationship. He said that I have so much going on right now, and that I need to have time to myself.

He basically reiterated what I already knew. I'm not looking to be in a serious relationship at the moment, especially this early after opening up about my sexuality.

 

But, I wonder, a what point should I entertain the thought? Because I would like to have a boyfriend eventually...But I don't want things that I'm dealing with(like some of my family's ignorance and homophobia)to impede on a good thing.

 

As it is now I am taking it oneday at a time. And honestly I'm happy being alone right now.

 

However, I know that I want to meet someone and fall in love, eventually.

[aggierocker]

Sometimes I feel like being in a relationship just for the sex.

 

Sometimes I feel like being in a relationship just for the companionship of having someone there beside me.

 

Sometimes I feel like being in a relationship because I really do care for that person.

 

Sometimes I like being single just to experience meeting different girls.

 

Sometimes I like being single just to be able to go out and be wild.

 

Sometimes I like being single just so I can rely and worry about myself.

 

ALL of those except for 1 is selfish. lol.

[Sylph]

This is really something only you can answer, you should feel comfortable with entering a relationship before you do so. Which may seem like a no brainer but honestly, there's no set time frame in which you should obey. Look into yourself make sure it's something that you want to do and can handle.

[Mrocza]

I think the one time you should get into a relationship is when you don't need anyone.

 

When you're happy with yourself, content in life and it doesn't matter if it doesn't work, becuase you don't need that person to make you happy; they are a bonus, a plus, in your life, not the deal breaker.

[renaissancewoman101]

I also think a good, long lasting relationship usually comes about when you are happy with yourself, have a good well-rounded life, have priorities, etc. That is usually around the time we meet our new SO. That has been the case for me in both my long term relationships.

 

We have to have our OWN lives in order before we can impact another person's life.

[FoxLocke]

I agree with all of you.

 

I'm moving into a good place, emotionally, right now. And I really do think I need this time to myself.

 

Thanks again all.

[KIDD]

It's good to take some time out to find out who you are as a person & when things aren't so hectic. I think relationships work better when you're not looking for one. It happens when you least expect it rather than when you go out to find one, like on the internet or some dating service. I think it should happen out of the blue, you're not even really realising that it's happening.I think it's time to start a relationship when everything in your life is well & you'll be able to have time to commit to that one person.

 

 

When the time is right to entertain that thought.. I think you'll know it's time to pursue a relationship! Personally I'm not looking anymore & I am actually enjoying being by myself, if that right person comes along, you'll know it!

[Jinx]

He said that I have so much going on right now, and that I need to have time to myself.

 

Most of the time when we think relationship baggage, we think rebound and/or trying to still cope with a disasterous relationship though I would presume the therapist is telling you about your own, but as it relates to the issues you've brought to the therapist.

 

Early on when I started with the Psychology degree, then again even in 101, we learned a golden rule, "You have to love yourself, before you can love another." In the way that if you are having issues coping with oneself or problems which may interfere its best to work those out before seeking another as those problems can suffocate the love attempt.

 

I would assume that for the timing, take down everything you need to talk to the therapist about whether now or down the road. Each of those problems have their own level of importance/crisis/resolution. Certain one's in an individual will have minimal impact on a relationship, whereas others especially overlooked but important types can harm a relationship. Kind of like, need to heal yourself of the emotional before you can give out your emotions.

 

It seems that once most of these main troubling issues have come to rest are in the stages of it you can look. It would just be backfiring though if you were in a relationship and something occurred which triggered pain again and kind of sent you back to Step One when you were almost at Step Five. Not to say that a relationship won't even after the therapy but it will be lessened or less likely once you've been through the issue with the therapist and worked on sorting it out and dealing with it.

 

All in all it will be your decision to be made but you want to go into a relationship clean and minimal personal issues (as possible) so that it moves fluidly in the early steps and you're able to be yourself and see clearly on all levels.

 

I can't read the therapist's mind but I'm just making assumptions that all of that might be his reasoning behind it.

[girlpowernthehouse]

Hi all

 

I totally agree that if you have not come to terms with your oen issues entering a relationship can be disasterous. I met a guy a few months ago and in the beginning it was nice(but aren't they all in that stage)we had been talking for about a month when the subject of SEX came up, my stand is that I want to wait until I get to know a person better and his is jump right in there. Needless to say we have had several disagreements on when is the time to have sex, well here it is 3 months later and we still have not had sex(my choice). Lately however, I have found myself getting extremely agitated when he brings up SEX and when we are going to have it. Through meditation I have discovered that what he is doing is what my ex used to do to me and that is pressure me and manipulate me and that is why I am so angry. Why can't he respect my decision to wait. I am not ready and I have told him that. I see now that I have some more work to do. For one I know that I need to stop seeing this guy it is not condusive to my emotioal or mental well being. I find myself avoiding him because I know he is going to bring it up and it will just lead to another emotional disagreement and for me that is stressful. Recently he had been pressuring me to invite him over, now why should I go and do that it is difficult enough on the phone, my home is my sanctuary where I retreat to regroup how would that be to bring the stress into the sanctuary,it doesn't make sense to me either.

As I am typing this I can feel the tension mounting and I am angry that he doesn't respect my decision, I thought he was the one. I guess not>

[Tigris]

Foxlocke you're like a 'caterpillar that's turning into a beautiful butterfly'. You need time to adjust to your new self. Also, your family can use this time to get used to the situation before you start on the next stage of dating.

 

It's possible that if you're not looking for someone they'll find you.

 

When the time is right you'll automatically know when you feel comfortable with starting a relationship.