What constitutes a drinking prob?

[Briella]

Hey there,

I was recently told...while drunk at a party that i have changed alot over the past few years and my friend is concerned that it is due to alcohol

WHen i was younger, i wouldn't say that i was confident however i would go out with friends and hang out...without drinking.

I am now 19...my boyfriend of 4 years thinks i could cut back...however he drinks about as much as i do.

The thing that concerns me is that my best friend of a very long time recently told me that she thinks i depend on alcohol to have a personality.

I drink a few wines every night...if not with lunch when i am not at uni.

I cannot go out with friends without drinking but i never thought this was a problem.

I just feel insecure without a drink by my side.

Just wondering if anyone has any ideas if i have a problem or my friend is being overprotective.

I've recently been down with my life if it means anything. ie. haven't been achieveing goals, friends and grandparents have died.

I just feel like i need a change. What do i do??

[littlemiss26]

Not saying that you have a drink problem but here's a link that might help.

 

link removed

[southerngirl]

From what you put here yes you do have a problem. Get help. Listen to your friend before the problem consumes you.

[shyanne]

i agree. if you always need a drink by your side or if your drinking daily, you have a problem. nothing wrong with having drinks when your out with friends or even having a drink with lunch once in a while....... but it sounds like you depend on it and use if for the wrong reasons... which isn't good.

[jabele]

Hey there. I can totally empathize with where you are coming from here, because I have the same problem. I spoke with my therapist today and she said: I'd like to see you not drink at all for 90 days straight. The idea of this did not sit well with me and I couldn't imagine going that long without anything...obviously a bad sign.

 

However, she said another option was to go for 6 months by drinking no more than two drinks a night, no more than 3 times a week. I think this is something I'm capable of and am going to try to do this.

 

Maybe this is something that can work for you...beating alcoholism, like any addiction, is hard, and it won't be fun. This approach takes the "sting" out of it a bit b/c you're not going completely cold turkey.

[novaseeker]

If you go the moderation approach, be very, very careful about not breaking the limits. Most of the main addiction-quitting techniques do not favour moderate usage of the addictive substance/activity, the thought being that once you have crossed lines with the substance/activity, you just can't do it in moderation any longer. If you could, you wouldn't have crossed the lines to begin with.

 

AA has a philosophy of not saying you are never going to drink, but simply saying, every day, you will not have a drink *today*. You may want to try that way of thinking about things.

[NJRon]

To be honest, if you can't think of going 90 days without a drink, you have a drinking problem. I would really suggest that, if either of you find you can't control your urges, that you seek out an AA group in your area. The longer you wait to address this, the horder it will become. It's better to do the work now.

 

Best wishes.

[jabele]

Thanks to NJRon's and Novaseeker's replies. I agree that it is a bad sign that I can't go 90 days without a drink...but i'm not sure that its that I *can't* but that I don't want to. I live in a big city and drinking is a way of life. I really don't think theres anything wrong with having a couple of drinks -- and I do believe that I can stop myself if I make the effort to control myself.

 

I think everyone is different...

 

AA might not like this as the strategy, beacuse you're right -- many people *can't* stop themselves...but I have in the past, just not consistently, so now I just have to do it consistently...

[NJRon]

There's a fine line between can't and won't. I agree with you. However, too many times people use the excuse of "don't want to quit" to avoid the fact that they "can't quit". While it may be true in many cases, I suggest that anyone who is in the position of believing that they can quit at any time, but they just don't want to, to do some serious soul searching.

 

So, I think you are doing the right thing if you can apply yourself consistently. Focus on what is missing in your life that makes you feel as if you *need* to drink.

[novaseeker]

If you can pull off the moderation according to those limits and never transgress them, it's probably okay. But ... you have to be very watchful of yourself.

 

The trouble with alcohol problems is that they *can* creep up on you very slowly and imperceptibly, and then 5 years down the road you have a much more serious issue.

[Spugly Fuglet]

I stopped drinking last year after I found I was using drink to hid a lot of pain. went to AA but felt a frord. they say 40 meeting in 40 days I did 1 and found it intaresting but not for me. I just stopped that was 6 mouths ago and I did restart drink 6 weeks ago but had a limmit of 1 beer a night.

but I stoppet again after 2 weeks becouse I could feel my salf wonting more, needing more to barry the pain.

That's when you think you know you have a problem when you miss use alcohol as some form of self medication.

 

cool thing is a feel healther and can talk all night to others with out talking rubbish.

 

as for confedace wait till its late and ever one around you is drunk, your the one in control and most abal to think strate I tell you that gives me confedace.

 

when I'm out with mates who drink I just say I'm on meds and cannot drink with them or it will make me ill. stops add the sly presher to get you drinking again.

 

that my to bits warth.

[Daddy Bear]

Briella, try not drinking for just ONE WEEK. that will tell you if you have a problem or not, if you can't pick up on the many obvious signs that you gave in your first post.

 

or you could do what i did: have a few, get behind the wheel and cause an injury accident. then you'll quit.

 

there's no alcohol in jail.

[Diggitydave]

if you need to question whether or not you do, you probably do. i think you posted here just so that someone else would say you don't so that you'd feel ok about it. I think deep inside you kinda know the truth.

 

just my opinion.