From Dating to Relationship

[Momene]

I think a lot of problems on here are down to how "established" a relationship is. How long should you be dating someone before it becomes a "relationship"? When can you assume it's exclusive between the 2 of you?

 

My own view, is that it's normally between 3 and 6 months for most people but if you marry, get engaged or move in together before then, it becomes a relationship.

 

Hard as it may seem, while you're still "just dating", I don't think you have the right to "lay down the law" about how often they see friends, take trips they'd arranged before they met you. Indeed, I don't think you can assume exclusivity before the 6 to 8 week mark either and I have to admit I've been guilty of meeting girls when I've had unfinished business with others, although if I were single today I wouldn't do it again.

[yeawutever]

Whenever you feel comfortable with, doens't matter the time frame. It can be after only 2 months or as long as 1 year. In my case it was after 11 months. But when you gotta be ready if you are to accept being exclusive. Usually it happens when there is a real long making out session or kiss that either you are the guy ask you if you wanna be in a relation.

[Sylph]

A relationship is defined whenever you both recognise it as being a relationship, there's no set critera for slapping relationship status two people seeing each other. But I suppose you could say as soon as they start having 'relations' of serious intent would be good enough to call it a relationship. I really don't think you have to be seeing someone for X ammount of months before you're allowed to recognise what you have as a relationship.

[Rainz]

A relationship is defined whenever you both recognise it as being a relationship, there's no set critera for slapping relationship status two people seeing each other. But I suppose you could say as soon as they start having 'relations' of serious intent would be good enough to call it a relationship. I really don't think you have to be seeing someone for X ammount of months before you're allowed to recognise what you have as a relationship.

 

Yep! Agreed!

[Momene]

A relationship is defined whenever you both recognise it as being a relationship, there's no set critera for slapping relationship status two people seeing each other. But I suppose you could say as soon as they start having 'relations' of serious intent would be good enough to call it a relationship. I really don't think you have to be seeing someone for X ammount of months before you're allowed to recognise what you have as a relationship.

 

Good reply and I agree that there's no set criteria. What I see the problems is that many people on this board complain about certain things their partner does when it seems that the relationship has not actually reached the stage where they can expect their partner to do otherwise. Aldo the "both" bit is a good point because there's times when one thinks they are in a relationship and the other "not yet".

 

In the past, I've remembered the times when I felt really enthusiastic about a girl but didn't feel at the "established" stage, so felt very insecure. This is also a tough time when one is more into it than the other (been both sides, there).

 

Although there's no set rules, I think we all agree that we shouldn't start expecting to be established too quickly and it's best to maintain an independent social life in the early days and even afterwards, although less nights out with the "boys/girls" as time progresses.

[Süsser Tod]

Don't know how it works on your countries/cultures. But at least in the latin culture, you have to ask the other person to be on a relationship with you, if there is no agreement and the "title" of being bf/gf, then you can do whatever you like.

 

Usually you date that person, and if both feel right with that, then you can move into a relationship and the stupid question will come out "Do you want to be my girlfriend?".

Kind of a small anticipated version of the "Will you marry me?"

 

I think I dated my gf for two months before calling it officialy a relationship.

 

 

And I can't understand how you can go into a relationship with that spoken agreement.

[Momene]

Don't know how it works on your countries/cultures. But at least in the latin culture, you have to ask the other person to be on a relationship with you, if there is no agreement and the "title" of being bf/gf, then you can do whatever you like.

 

Usually you date that person, and if both feel right with that, then you can move into a relationship and the stupid question will come out "Do you want to be my girlfriend?".

Kind of a small anticipated version of the "Will you marry me?"

 

I think I dated my gf for two months before calling it officialy a relationship.

 

 

And I can't understand how you can go into a relationship with that spoken agreement.

 

I don't think any of my relationships went through any spoken agreement, except when we made the decision to get married. One ex said "you're mine now" on the first date!

[RayKay]

I think...it is when you discuss it in the sense you are not going to date anyone else, and you present yourself as girlfriend/boyfriend or exclusive to the "world" - ie friends, family, coworkers.

 

Maybe talking about it is not glamorous, but I see so many people whom assume they are exclusive....to find out the other partner missed the memo

 

Ultimately it's a decision you make in your heart and mind - it can happen for both of you way before it is official, or sometimes even those whom are married have not made that "decision" yet..

 

I don't think there is a "set time frame", it ranges for every individual and relationship.

 

I definitely agree that it is unfair to put demands on someone however when you are not exclusive - in fact I think it is unfair to put "demands" on someone even if you are! Before you start being exclusive you should know whom the person is, and be ready to also compromise and allow the person to be whom they are (obviously if they are hurting you, walk away!).

 

I don't know, I just have never felt the need to "demand" something from my partners. I prefer the whole mutual respect, trust kinda thing. My boyfriend is going to Vegas in a couple weeks with friends, to go to Supercross Finals. Some of his buddies he is going with I am less "fond of" (most are fine, but a couple of them are not exactly faithful) however I also know he respects me, our relationship and would never do anything that was against us as a couple. I know many other girls would absolutely oppose their partner going to Vegas on the other hand.

 

I never have understood that whole "I love you, now change" kinda thing.

[NJRon]

I am always explicitly not exclusive. I make it very clear. Until, that is, we have the "exclusivity talk"... which usually takes place about 1 1/2 - 3 months. It's usually by that time that we both have figured out whether we are going to move to the next level, part ways, or just stay in a casual relationship until something else comes along.

[eleanorrigby1]

Its such an American thing this 'dating' I could never understand or get into that whole thing, its too confusing!

 

In england, you go on a date with someone, you like each other, you go on date number two, at this point you are still allowed to go on other dates, but you cant be sleeping with any of them. By date 4 you should be thinking about maybe not dating anyone else, because once you sleep together which is usually after about a month or so, then you are exclusive.

 

Thats how it works over here. People go on dates to find a relationship, not for the sake of 'dates'

[RayKay]

Thats how it works over here. People go on dates to find a relationship, not for the sake of 'dates'

 

Well, it's not that different over here in my experience....that is why people go on dates here too in most cases! They date a few times, decide whether it is something they want to take into commitment or not, and then either be exclusive or they end things and move on.

 

Sometimes people also date to date, but usually when they find someone they want to be exclusive with, they are. When they don't, they keep dating.

[eleanorrigby1]

Thanks for clarifying that for me.