Thinking of breaking NC... Need closure...

[Broken83]

I'm at day 23 of NC... I began NC about 20 days after the breakup, after making the same classic mistakes. Was dumped by the phone, as well

Here's the full story

 

 

 

Anyway, I feel I cannot let go and keep up with NC, unless I get closure. I wrote this e-mail to her:

 

" Hello ...., how are you?

I hope you are ok...

I'm not sending you this e-mail, so you'll forgive me, or to beg you to be together again. The only reason is that I'd like you to know that in the time we're not together I had the chance to think a lot of the situation, and I'd like you to know this:

I love you with all my heart, always had, and I'd do anything for you, but since you don't want us to be together anymore, I have no choice but to respect your decision... You are the most rare and special girl I've ever met, and I consider myself lucky that you were a part of my life... Be happy, whatever you do. Be happy, whoever you are with...That's all I want. If you're happy, so will I be.

Be well always and take care..."

 

What do you think? Should I send this e-mail and break NC, or stick with NC?

Sorry for the long post. Any advice would be appreciated. I need an outsider's opinion before I do something stupid.....

[Rob1000]

Don't send anything. Do not break NC. Trust me. You will feel 100 times worse if you do. Leave with your head held high.

[crvers]

I guess the major question is: what are you getting out of sending that email? Can you handle having no reply. Or if she does reply, what answer are you expecting.

 

If you have absolutely no hope left and feel that you can handle any answer (whether she replies or not), then send it at your own risk. Noone here can convince you otherwise. But there will be repercussions for it. I guarantee that.

[Bethany]

I agree with the others,

I think your best bet is to just think those words to yourself to find acceptance and closure, rather than send them. She already knows it's over because she dumped you.

She could even have a new guy or come back into your life and mess with it again, don't risk it.

[minnie]

Dont send it. focus on yourself and you will get closure from within

[enolaton]

I'd have to go with the consensus here. I wouldn't send it. She already knows everything you've written and how you feel about her, and (no offense), you come off somewhat weak by declaring all these things for her AFTER the fact. I highly doubt she would want to read something like this right now. Plus, and trust me when we tell you this, you will feel worse if you don't get a response (or nothing positive is returned).

 

Will it make you happy if she's happy? Well, you don't want her to be unhappy. But, if she's happy dating someone else and you're still pining for her, you're not gonna be the happy one.

 

If you MUST send the letter, send a quick sentence or two basically just stating that you cherish the time spent together. I wouldn't mention "love". Hope this helps... take things slow... and good luck...

[Broken83]

Thanks guys... I really appreciate your advice and I won't break NC... There's no point in it.. Thank God for this forum in these moments of weakness...I'm doing all right with NC, but today was definitely not a good day....

[NubianLove]

I think its still too soon for that if anything wait at least a month NC or maybe a few more weeks, and keep it light and friendly. You are bringing up the past talking about feelings, and she might be confused as to how to respond, and the last thing u want is for her to have more confusion.

[Scout]

I've read your story, and the details you provided definitely don't give us a full reason/understanding why she broke up with you. She said it was from stress, but then she proceeded to quit the stressful job...and still ended your relationship.

 

Are you sure she hasn't spelled out the exact reasons, other than stress? Did she tell you anything about your relationship that bothered her while you were together? Sometimes, people break up with us using general reasons so they can avoid hurting our feelings by telling us what they truthfully don't like about us or the relationship.

 

Really ask yourself, did she tell you a few things at some point that you are choosing to ignore? If so, and you can face that, you might learn to accept this is over, which is really what closure is.

 

On the other hand, if she flat out has never, ever given a reason beyond stress, or didn't complain about things while you two were together that you can recall, I think you're justified in sending her an email asking for some explanations so you can get closure on this. But I wouldn't send the email you've written. I would just say something along the lines of how are you, hope you're doing well, etc. I know this email is out of the blue, but to be honest, I've been struggling a bit with our break up because of some unanswered questions in my mind. Would it be possible to talk with you about this? It will be a non pressure situation, I just really would like to get some clarity on a few issues. If you don't want to meet up, can I email you again with my specific questions? Don't worry, this isn't an inquisition, I just really need this to heal and move on, and I hope that you can value what we had enough to open up a bit and explain things in more detail to me.

[NubianLove]

I think he mentioned that her grandmother died too somewhere so she had a lot of stress in her life.

[Scout]

Yeah, but when someone in our family dies, we typically need our boyfriend's support and love. Not for them to leave our life, too.

[majord23]

Personally I don't see anything wrong with the email provided that it really is for closure.

 

It is well written, and expresses your love for someone that is no longer part of your life - it's a nice goodbye.

 

If you genuinely (and I mean *genuinely*) see this as your last ever contact with your ex, if you can send it without hoping or expecting for ANY response, if it is NOT a 'tactic' to start to win her back (and only YOU know deep down if any of this applies)....then I don't see anything wrong with sending it.

 

Do what you feel is right, and do what you think will help you move on (leaving her behind).

[Scout]

Personally I don't see anything wrong with the email provided that it really is for closure.

 

It is well written, and expresses your love for someone that is no longer part of your life - it's a nice goodbye.

 

But as a "goodbye" it doesn't ask the questions - and thus, possibly result in getting the answers - he has about why she really broke up with him, assuming he honestly wasn't given a reason other than she was "stressed." So, I don't see how he's gonna get closure by sending it.

[majord23]

But as a "goodbye" it doesn't ask the questions - and thus, possibly result in getting the answers - he has about why she really broke up with him, assuming he honestly wasn't given a reason other than she was "stressed." So, I don't see how he's gonna get closure by sending it.

 

Yes, but some people have to accept that they will never know those answers (most of us don't get the honest answers anyway )

 

If he has done that (accepted never knowing), and truly views this email as the final page of the chapter -then there is nothing wrong with it.

 

I agree with you though Scout, and as I said - if it is being sent for ANY other reason (seeking answers, seeking a response, seeking reconcilation) then he should stay in NC.

[Broken83]

Well, I can honestly tell you that there's no tactic, or secret purpose behind this e-mail. The breakup came out of the blue, she never gave me a hint what was going on in her mind, just told me she needed to break up with me. My last image of her is kissing me goodbye at her front door,Monday 6th March, telling me she loves me and that she'd call me in the morning, as usual!!!! The next morning her grandmother died,Wedsday 8th March is the funeral, we talk in the phone, and Thursday 9th March, she quits her job in the morning, speaks to me in the phone,in the afternoon, I tell her I want to see her and she reacts as if it didn't matter to her, and tells me over the phone thta she wants to break up.... So my last image of her is not a cold, distanced herself, but a woman kissing me, telling me she loves me and that she'd call me in the morning. Not the ideal way to have closure, right? But the deal is that I'm not gonna send the e-mail, I'll stick to NC... It will help me heal eventually (I hope) and also it might give her a chance to miss me (again I hope)