low sex drive in man

[lon71]

hi,

 

ive been with my partner for 13 years, for the last 4 years roughly he hasnt wanted sex much, he works hard, has a demanding job which i do try to understand. however i feel very unloved, unwanted and unattractive due to his rejection of me. most of the time its me initiating sex and making all the moves, hes now developed an attitude of suck it to make it hard and help yourself, to put it bluntly. i have tried everything, ive lost weight, bought nice underwear, tried nagging him, tried leaving him alone etc etc. ive told him how i feel, he still makes no effort. i do have sexual urges and im angry that hes with me, but doesnt do anything to try to satisfy me. i am not crap in the bedroom and do everything i can to please him when we do have sex. hes a very inward person and wont talk to me, we have a child together and im in a difficult situation. i just want things to be ok, i want him to like sex and to want me.

due to how he treats me and makes me feel, i chat online, i have got sexual with a few men online. ive never cheated on my partner, most women would have done by now, theres one guy in particular that wants to meet with me, to be honest, what is stopping me? my partner prefers tv to me, he doesnt seem the slightest bit concerned that hes neglecting me and i could go of with someone else. he tells me its all in my head the way i feel and that i am over reacting.

how would u feel if your man had no interest in sex and didnt want you and rejected you most of the time, half the time he doesnt even kiss me during sex. there is no other woman involved, hes either at work or with me, i dont understand why he has no interest in sex, most of my friends complain that their man wants it all the time...........they dont realise how lucky they are lol

[rose2summer]

Hi,

Since you have addressed that you know he is not cheating or getting something on the side, I would be inclined to say he either has a physical or emotional difficulty towards sex. The rare times you do have sex, does he have a difficult time maintaining an erection? Maybe he is fearful of not being able to perform to his fullest, due to a physical ailment, diabetes, for example. Certain medicines can decrease libido. Does he take any medicines at the moment? I would suggest seeing a sex therapist only after you have ruled out any medical problems? Something must have changed in the last 4 years and doubtfully it's a reduced desire in intercourse but most likely a change in the physiology, such as medically or emotionally related.

[emtay_1]

hey i feel really sad reading your story.....

I've been in a relationship for 3 years and i love my bf to bits but i'm in a similar situation. when is first met him i screwed things up because i was reallly confused. i didn't knoe if i wanted a sexual relationship with him and i was very blazay which hurt hom. it's never really recovered. i, like you, have tried to make things better but he put a bit of weight on and now we cant talk about it. if i bring it up he says its because he's not happy with his body. there always seems to be something else to think about too - work etc. i'm only 27 and i'm devastated. i feel disgusting, i hate looking at myself naked and even hate touching myself in the shower. i'm not ugly but obviously you cant talk to friends about this because they just think your weird so you bottle it all up. i'm upset tonight because we watched a film and it had great sex scenes and despite how much i love him i really resent not having that special connection in my life anymore. it's been over 2 months now and i honestly dont think i could do it again now. i want to marry this guy and stop feeling resentment but i dont know how to. i know i cant change the situation because we've tried but i want to feel better because everything else in our relationship is perfect.

 

anyway story over, i'll be pleased to hear how people feel on this too

 

good luck x

[lon71]

thankyou for your replies, to the poster above...........i can relate to you. u say u resent having that special connection in your life........so do i..........i feel ashamed that my man doesnt initiate sex with me, it hurts when i chat with female friends and they tell me that their man wants it all the time. my partners not on medication, i would say he has erection problems..........most of the time im the one who has to get it hard, he rarely comes on to me because hes hard, in fact its hardly ever. is this normal? i dont really know, and also could tiredness cause a man to be like this?

its so hard not to blame yourself, at one point i was so low about it all, i tried to self harm as i hated myself so much for being so rejected. i knew this wasnt right and im proud to say, i havent tried it since!

its a difficult and hurtful situation to be in, my partners inward and would never see any kind of therapist, ive had counselling, and i took advice of my therapist.......and nothing back from him, he just says its all in my mind, he obviously has no urge for sex otherwise he would try it on with me.

[rose2summer]

Hi Lon,

I can really sense your pain with the situation, and it seems complicated to say the least. How was the sexual relationship at the beginning of your relationship, I mean was it you who mostly initiated or was it mostly him? He seems to have erectile dysfunction, it is not normal, rather a medical problem, to not be able to maintain an erection and if he is not willing to seek help, it will bring you two apart more and more. It is not in your mind, he has a problem that needs to be attended to, please never blame yourself, I am sure there are tons of men who would love to have intercourse with you. Couples should have a healthy amount of intimacy and something is barring that between you two. How is your relationship otherwise, on an emotional level? I just really encourage him seeking some help because this can be solved, and your relationship saved.

Check this out: link removed

A wide variety of physical and emotional risk factors can contribute to erectile dysfunction. They include:

Physical diseases and disorders. Chronic diseases of the lungs, liver, kidneys, heart, nerves, arteries or veins can lead to impotence. So can endocrine system disorders, particularly diabetes. The accumulation of deposits (plaques) in your arteries (atherosclerosis) also can prevent adequate blood from entering the penis. And in some men, erectile dysfunction may be caused by low levels of the hormone testosterone (male hypogonadism).

Surgery or trauma. Damage to the nerves that control erections can cause erectile dysfunction. It may result from an injury to the pelvic area or spinal cord. Surgery to treat bladder, rectal or prostate cancer also can result in erectile dysfunction. Prolonged bicycle riding also can cause a temporary problem.

Medications. A wide range of drugs — including antidepressants, antihistamines and medications to treat high blood pressure, pain and prostate cancer — can cause erectile dysfunction by interfering with nerve impulses or blood flow to the penis. Tranquilizers and sleeping aids also may pose a problem.

Substance abuse. Chronic use of alcohol, marijuana or other drugs often causes erectile dysfunction and decreased sexual drive. Excessive tobacco use also can damage penile arteries.

Stress, anxiety or depression. Psychological conditions also contribute to some cases of erectile dysfunction. This can be related to his tiredness that you brought up.

 

It's normal to experience erectile dysfunction on occasion. But if erectile dysfunction lasts longer than two months or is a recurring problem, see your doctor for a physical exam or for a referral to a doctor who specializes in erectile problems. Your own doctor or a specialist can help you determine the underlying cause or causes of erectile dysfunction and then help you find the right type of treatment.

 

Although you might view erectile dysfunction as a personal or embarrassing problem, it's important to seek treatment. In many cases, erectile dysfunction can be successfully treated. Viagra is a medication that can be prescribed for erectile dysfunction.

[emtay_1]

what if it's not though. i know my partner has no problem in that area which makes me feel worse about the whole thing. i see it at the usual morning guy thing but he'd just rather do things alone. he keeps saying its not me and the worst bit for me is knowing that he's had great relationships with other people. oh you see once you think about it, it snowballs in your mind. i can go for weeks thijnking i'm normal but then something triggers me and i'm really down about it again.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Can i be honest? When my partner stopped feeling attracted to me in that sort of way, it was because he stopped being happy with the relationship. Perhaps it goes deeper than just sex?

[FCTex]

I get tired and stressed from work, a great deal as of late.. I also have put a few pounds back on my frame and I don't feel as good about my physique as I used to..

 

My sex drive has suffered a little.. Not to mention, My girlfriend wants sex alot. She's willing to have sex, anytime, anyday, no matter what. She does anything under the sun I've suggested, or said I liked.

 

She buys sexy underwear and outfits. She's bought vibrators, and toys. She does the candles sometimes. She surprised me when I come to see her after work.. She wakes me up to have sex in the morning. She surprised me in the shower... She asks for it, she tries it all.

 

I don't initiate sex very much anymore. Infact I don't even attempt to take control of sex much anymore due to her doing so much of it lately.. I've gotten lazy about it..

 

What has this all done? I've noticed I don't want it as much. It gets boring sometimes.. The more she asks, and the more we do it the less I want it the next time. Sometimes it comes down to me having sex with her, her getting an orgasm, and me just going down for the count and then going to sleep...

 

 

The more she asks, the more we have sex, the more I don't want it..

 

Now.. when I start feeling good about myself, and less stress at work, and not being so tired.. I know I can get back to my normal high sex drive I've always had in the past.

[lon71]

you have all given such good advice............fctex...........thanks for hearing from a male perspective.............i sound very much like your partner, although i must say, ive backed of lately to see how he would react towards me.............and nothing.

 

before all these problems, he did initiate sex, although he was never a man that did it often, we averaged about once a week, which went down to once a fortnight, then once a month then me nag nag nag to get it once every 8 weeks. i have felt that he doesnt love me, he doesnt tell me he loves me, doesnt pull me for a cuddle. sometimes he'll grope me during the day but i now tell him to get of, he only seems to come near me when he knows we cant have full sex. we had an argument a few weeks back, he said he was leaving, i said.....go, i cant live a man anymore who doesnt love me, doesnt show me love and wont make love to me............he came back, said he loved me, said he was tired all the time, work was hard for him, but he wont go and see a doctor, and all the time i feel more and more unloved. having no proper sex life makes me feel like i have no connection with him and i get angry with him over the slightest thing.

im going to look up that website rose, thanks for your advice.

[emtay_1]

FCTex

It's cool to hear your opinion. i know my bf loves me and he's eager to get married. he has quite a cool job in our community and i know he could be out sleeping with other women easily. so i know he's comitted to me. how would you prefer your girlfriend to be. do you think i should just accept living in a celibate relationship and try to get on with things?

[FCTex]

I think that if you can live like that and love him, then it works.

 

If you are a sexual person, and NEED that comfort, that passion, that whatever it might bring to you, then no. I don't think it's healthy and I think in the end it will lead to problems.

 

Just last night for instance. I went to bed early. I had sex with her when I got off from work.. I teased her that evening, and I ended up going to bed early while she stayed up working on things. She came in, woke me up, and was rubbing all over me. I apparently pushed her away last night and told her to leave me alone and went back to sleep. I don't really remember much, but I do know I didnt want to be woken for sex.

 

She tried again this morning, and I certainly didn't want to do anything but lay in bed till i HAD to get up, to miss all the traffic.

 

She was upset but said nothing. She won't, and I like it like that sometimes. I know what I'm doing, I don';t need her to point out that I turn her down sometimes.

 

However, while I LOVE sex, when your in a relationship, I personally and maybe for others, don't need it CONSTANT. Maybe 3-4 times a week is fine.. And lately, I'm happy with 1-2 times a week. Thats fine with me.

[lon71]

i am a sexual person and i need comfort and passion, hes getting worse at the moment, hasnt been near me in a month, i have tried to seduce him, but he's always more interested in the tv. the other night he was at the computer, so i removed my top and lay topless on the bed........he shook his head at me and said, dont even think about it. theres just absolutley no interest in me, i just dont understand it, he had his chance to go weeks ago when we argued over it all, he said he was going, i said, well go then, i cant live with a man who doesnt show me any love and who doesnt sleep with me...........he came back, said he loves me, but we are still in the same old rut, i really dont understand.

im strong for so long then i start to crack, and im having a low moment, ive met someone online, we've been sexual together online and he wants to meet, im going. this other guy shows me attention and says nice things to me, he says he finds me attractive, all the things my partner doesnt give me, i am sexually frustrated and would love someone to make love to me and hold me and cuddle me, this is my reason for having an affair. ive told my partner on numerous occasions how i feel and he does nothing to change. i really dont understand why he doesnt like sex or cuddles or affection.

[onmyownagain]

Well, in that case you need to leave him now, then meet the new guy otherwise that makes you something else doesn't it!

[TopDawg]

He might have several problems. Maybe he is depressed about the way he is living his life, how he's doing at work, etc., and that is causing him to lose interest in sex. If that is the case, then maybe he should see a doctor who can suggest some anti-depression pills that could help him. Or it might be that he just doesn't have a healthy sex drive. And a doctor could also help out in that area as well, with pills such as viagra, etc. Maybe he's just too embaressed to see a doctor about the problem himself. So maybe you should talk to a doctor about it, and buy the pills he recommends for you. Then ground up the pills and serve them to him in his daily meals. Without even knowing it, he might get his sex drive back, and he'll never know you had a part in it. There are also natural remedies such as herbs, and certain types of foods that increase sex drive in men. I know of lots of women who have done that sort of thing, and now their relationship's are much better. I don't think, however that having an affair is the answer. In the end, you neither of you will be happy.

[FCTex]

In regards to this post, I HIGHLY recommend that you DO NOT put any pills or anything unknowingly into his food/beverages. Thats just plain wrong and could lead to several problem should something go awry.

 

I'd also highly suggest not having an affair.. I would down right tell him your going to leave him if nothing it fixed. Be firm with it.. Tell him he needs to work on this, or your leaving.. Don't let it be him saying he's going to leave..

 

By you cheating, your only solving your personal issues one night at a time. It's only making it slightly easier to go on. But in the morning, are you going to feel any better about what you did? Are you going to feel like you and your spouse got anywhere with the problem, knowing you didn't do anything but lay up with a strange man? I certainly know the answer, and you need not tell. You won't. You won't get anywhere but one night at a time and in the end your going to have a mess without any work.

 

 

Tell him outright your discontent. Ask what he thinks. In regards to what he says, tell him your leaving if your not getting any work and problems fixed from him. If it's a medical problem, suggest going together to the doctor, do some research on the internet together.. But for God's sake, do not have an affair, an online one of all..