Is this what i want to get into?

[confusedmama]

So now that I am officially divorced, I know I am not ready to jump back into a relationship with anybody. I need to finish working on myself, but I have had an "offer" from a man whom I've known for about 5 years. From what I'm reading into this is he doesn't want a relationship and all the "mess" that goes with it, he simply wants to have fun (which although I've been out of the game over 15 years I know means sex).

 

I'm just not sure if I want to start that kind of relationship, although my body is saying yes yes yes. but I think that has more to do with the lack of sex in the past 2 years. I'm just really confused, on 1 hand it seems like the perfect set-up, sex no commitment with someone I know, who knows my busy lifestyle (work, kids) who can be there if i need a date for a function etc. But I know there have to be drawbacks and nothing is as good as it seems and is it just my physical needs talking to me and what happens when one of us (probably me) get too involved.

 

The best part of the offer is the fact he was up front & honest about it. No games, maybe that is part of the desire. I am used to lies and games so it is a nice change?

 

Opinions?

[keefy1972]

HAHAHA, sorry, not laughing at you, but a man who "offers" you a good time with no strings attatched? Jeez, where did you ever find such a gem?

 

Sorry, I just thought that was funny. Anyway, sounds like your gut is saying no. I'd go with that if I were you. Is usually the right answer to most questions.

[southerngirl]

No, I dont think its anything you want to get into. If it was, you wouldnt be posting about it here.

[Daddy Bear]

confusedmama, i suppose this guy could be after only sex. then again, "fun", at least to me, means, well... fun.

 

what do YOU consider to be the specific potential drawbacks in this, outside of one person getting more involved than the other (which is a risk in any new relationship)?

[ailsagirl]

You know what he wants - he's made it clear. But you may find yourself getting emotionally attached despite your awareness. Is he worth suffering the pain of another ended relationship? Because that's what he's destined to be, eventually.

[confusedmama]

I guess I'm posting here b/c dating is new to me again. I know I'm not willing to introduce someone new to my kids or be in a "serious" relationship. And while it actually sounds like fun and something I might enjoy I guess I'm fighting over the old fashioned ideas of "people shouldn't do that"

[Daddy Bear]

then don't have sex. *shrug*

 

but nuts to guilt, anyway. you're not planning on doing anything harmful to anyone, are you?

[novaseeker]

Have you managed well in casual sex relationships before you were married, or did you find yourself tending to get involved emotionally once sex was involved?

[itsallgrand]

It's tricky. Are you good friends with this guy? If you go for it, the friendship will change. You already know you might get emotionally involved.

 

This is gonna sound bad, but it is so much easier to have 'fun' and casual sex with someone we don't already care about. Otherwise, it's only natural to want to look out for the person, consider their interests, all that jazz.

Casual sex..is, well, casual sex.

 

This is how I see it: you want the benefits of a solid relationship, but none of the risks or complications.

Very few people can pull this off.

[confusedmama]

itsallgrand..

you hit it right on the head I do want the benfits of a relationship and I don't want the crap of complications,the risks I know are going to be there no matter what. We are not that close of friends, as in we don't hang out together or travel with the same circle of people. So as of right now I don't care about his interests or issues (wow that sounds cold)

 

before my marriage I did OK in this type of relationships, but then I didn't want a soul mate and the men I chose were not ready for that type of relationship either. They also were up front and I knew what I was getting into when I got involved. The biggest problem is that was over 15 years ago. I don't know what my feelings would be at this point in my life.

 

I guess I need to clarify exactly what "fun" is with him. I don't want to be just a "booty call" but I am interested and would enjoy having someone to go out with. Maybe that would help me in my decisions.