shorty20 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 wow.. I'm still in a state of shock. I deleted his number from my phone... wrote him an email to give myself closure... and he called this afternoon and acted completley normal like nothing happened. He said today was his first actual day back at work, and that he was still hurting... I was just surprised and said that I didn't think I would ever hear from him again. He said he's not like that.... but what do I do now? Just go on like everythings great? I was all prepared and ready to just move on with my life and now he calls like nothing even happened? Advice please!! Link to comment
SilverManic Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 I think you need to talk to him. He may have been upset and just needed time? Hope things go well and resolve themself. If he acts like nothing has happened follow his example? Good Luck, ~S. Link to comment
RayKay Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 This is from your recent post about him not calling you, you calling him..and so on. Make sure you read the last part that I bolded! Did he have an explanation for why he has not messaged you back or contacted you in more then a week? I know he had surgery, but still. Man, my mom had her mastectomy last Tuesday and was still able to talk to us and let us know how she was doing in some form in a couple days! and i did... in my latest post I said that I gave him one last call yesturday and left him a message saying I didn't know what I did wrong but that It'd be nice if he could call so I could have some closure. THen I deleted his number from my phone because I don't have it memorized and now I can't call him, so if he calls I might, just might listen to what he has to say... but I'm moving on... I'm done with it, and after I got done being all upset yesturday I talked some sense into myself and realized how many red flags had risen in a matter of two months... it wouldn't have worked out anywayz. Thanks for the help guys! This guy is "shady" - he does not want a label, he had been rather short with you on the phone, unwilling to hang out with your family (red flag in my opinion), and so on. He has been giving you the run around.... Why are you even bothering to consider what NOW...move on and drop it. There should be not be this much stress and strife so early on into this! It's still early on, when people show their BEST side....if this is his best side, yikes. Him finally calling does not forgive all the other crap. Link to comment
bobo85 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 You dumped him right? Anyways, i would take some just to get away from him. I think a month should do it. Just so you can move on with your life and get back on track without him. Just tell him that you guys broke up and yes you want to be friends but right now you have to work on yourself. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Seconding Raykay. This is the trap. You are ready to move on and he calls, telling you that he is not what all his actions are saying. Don't fall into it. fwi. when my sister had her wisdom teeth pulled, she was having a mobile phone conversation on her way out of the dentists. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 well, he has shown me a good side. Like I said in posts before, for the first month and a half he showered me with flowers, attention, love, taking me to a candle-lit hotel room, buying a ticket to fly out here to see me... maybe he just had an off week? RayKay I totally understand where you're coming from, but at the same time with things go wrong, I try to tell myself it wouldn't have worked out anyway, just so I can have piece of mind and move on... He did explain that he had been in bed all week... today was his first day back at work. He said the first two days after his surgury were actually the easiest and that it just got more and more painfull from there. He'd had jaw surgury when he was little and has a metal plate in his jawbecause he got his jaw shattered in a fight, so I'm sure that complicated things a bit too. I'm just trying to be objective... with the whole meeting the family thing, I was a little nervous too and I deffinatley wasn't ready for it... in a normal relationship I would never think of bringing a bf back after 2 months of dating.. things are still new and with my family it just puts too much pressure on things. I think I am going to just give him back what he's giving me. I'll let him do the calling for a while and just see how he is. And no, I didn't dump him, we just didn't talk for a week. Link to comment
kellbell Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Shorty, Come on girl...one phone call and all is forgotten?? And the fact he is acting like nothing happened is creepy and odd. That shows me he is a "sweep it under the carpet type of guy" instead of talking about things. You do not need that in your life. He is not at all in tune with your feelings. Plus, you smooched with another guy...another red flag showing that you are this other guy are not right for one another. I would drop it and like they say on MTV.... NEXT!!! Link to comment
Mun Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 I just want to add that I hope you keep your eyes open to his behavior. If this becomes a pattern then maybe at that time you will be ready to let him go for good. Always remember exactly what kind of relationship you do want...so that if you aren't getting that you can walk away no matter if he calls a week later with a good excuse... and they always seem to have a good excuse don't they? BTW he got in a fight? how old is this guy? Link to comment
shorty20 Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 lol, I don't even like that guy I kissed... it was a drunken I'm mad at my bf kiss... not excusing anything but I'm not even taking that "kiss" into consideration because it didn't mean anythign to me... I'd forgotten all about it. All is forgotten? No. I still plan on talking about the way our last convo (on last monday) went. I just didn't want our first conversation after a week of not talking to be me yelling at him about what a jerk he was. I will discuss it with him. And I will probably just lay down the line and say if we're going to try to make things work, this is what I want, this is what I'll expect.. if you can't handle that tell me now... that type of thing so there's no more confusion, ya know? Link to comment
shorty20 Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 he had his jaw shattered when he was in a fight when he was like 16 or 17... this past week he had to have his wisdome teeth pulled. I was just saying it was probably more complicated then normal because of his situation with his jaw... when he got in that fight it actually shattered 2 of his wisdom teeth... Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Shorty...it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking he was having an "off' week. This is a VERYYYY important thing to do: Remember how you felt the whole time he was not returning your calls or texts. Seriously. I don't know this guy but I would not be surprised if this behavior resurfaces again..ESPECIALLY if you let him off the hook THIS time. Bad habits are taught...this guy needs to know the misery he put you through the last week. If he gets mad..OH well...that should also tell you a LOT about who he is. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 It always amazes me when people make up excuse after excuse to avoid doing the painfully inevitable. I don't care if he had problems with his wisdom teeth because he was a wooly mammoth in a previous life, this is no excuse to allow his shady behavior to be deemed acceptable. Link to comment
kellbell Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 "Bad habits are taught...this guy needs to know the misery he put you through the last week. I agree with this 100%!!! Shorty, you were going out your mind last week..stressing and having no clue what the heck is going on and now he is going to act like nothing happened. It just seems he feels justified for being like this because he was stressed out last week and had surgery and that your feelings about this does not even mattered. If they matter, he would asked you how your week was and want to talk about your not-so-friendly conversation you had before his surgery. He did not even explain to you why he did not call you on Friday...you are only speculating. Today is Tuesday my friend. You are making tons of excuses for him and you know it. Go with your gut...this guy is a dud. Sorry to write that but if a guy made me go out of my mind with worry and did not even bother to talk about it when he does eventually call...shows me he does not care or respect I have feelings too. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Not to mention, he has a track record of being a fighter. Nice! Link to comment
RayKay Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 You are making excuses for him. If this relationship were healthy, he would never even put you in a position where you had to do that. Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 I'm not attacking you Shorty....it's easy to forget how bad someone made us feel and to just be happy they call...but this guy STILL has no idea how stressed out him NOT calling you back or answering his phone was making you...and so by you not saying anything or just letting it slide..he'll think "WOW, I can treat her any way I want and she won't care..AND she'll just accept whatever I feel like doing"!! NO, that can't happen. Not if you expect to be treated with respect. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 I understand that, which is why I am going to address it. I've said before in my posts that I'm trying to learn when and when not is a good time to have serious conversations. If I don't talk to him for a week, and then the first time he calls I flip out about why he didn't call, is that going to make him want to keep calling? If all he's recieving from me is negativity? I'm going to address it when we're both not at work and have time to actually sit down and have a conversation. I'm going to discuss why he didn't call for a week, why he thought it was ok to talk to me like he did... and pretty much what he's wanting and expecting to get out of this. RIght now I'll give as much as he does, no more no less. My guard is already built up again. I usually go into relationships with my guard up and my heart blocked... then eventually that's broken down and I start to open up. I started to open up to this guy, and then he vanished for a week so it will take a while for me to let my guard down again. Trust me, his behavior, actions, words... none of that is going to be "let slide"... I was just waiting for a more appropriate time to address it. I've learned with guys if all they feel you do is b*tch at them, they will just stop caring, stop calling... I dont' want that because I care about this guy... in every relationship there's rocks.. you give a little adn take a little and hope you end up on top... Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 What is going to make him keep calling is the fact that he cares about you and your feelings. Anything short of this and you are cheating yourself. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 I have to disagree with that. I was with someone for 3.5 years and we both had alot of feelings involved. THings went downhill because I had issues and things I wanted to talk about and resolve, and after a while he got sick of it and said I was complaining too much and that all I did was bring negativity to the realtionship. I know it seemed like that, but it was because none of the issues never got resolved and kept comng back into the relationship to haunt us. This is why I always try to discuss things now, and not only discuss them but solve them so we're both happy and it won't come up again... I also firmly believe in picking and choosing your battles... if you're constantly wanting to "talk" and constantly have issues with this or that, eventually they're going to get sick of it. So, especially this early on, you have to keep them on their toes, keep them interested, and give them the chase. Thats what I'm going to do. I'll be nice, sweet, whatever after we have our talk, but I"m not going to get back into the habit of calling him as much as i was... if he wants to talk he can call... I'm not going to get all caught up in the relaitonship again, i'm just going to sit and watch and see what he does.. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 I think everyone is being a bit dramatic about this. He didn't call for a week. THats all. We got in a fight before hand, and he had his wisdom teeth pulled and was a bum all week and in pain. Yes, it wasn't very nice but not grounds for ending the whole thing. I was overreacting because I've never gone a week without talking to him, but once you get it into perspective a week isn't that long. I'm not making excuses, just trying to be understanding. I've had guys to worse to me... Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Shorty, just remember..YOU are setting the precedent here. I hope yo DO have a talk with him and let him know his behavior is UNacceptable. Period. Good luck with everything. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 I think you are being too understanding. It is not your job to be their emotional fluffer. You are a person and as such will bring a whole bag of different things with you that may or may not be positive. What is important is how they are resolved and talked about. People treat you the way you teach them to treat you. "I'm not going to get all caught up in the relationship again, i'm just going to sit and watch and see what he does.." He'll tailor his behaviour to get a rise out of you again. And then it will all be aout your issues and he is the victim of them.. Just because you have had guys do worse to you does not mean you should take this. Being the best of a bad bunch does not mean he isn't bad. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 i'll let you guys know how our talk goes Link to comment
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