Nervous about my first time

[Alien777]

Hi there

So here is my story, I am 27 (and still a virgin) and I have been seeing my 34 year old girlfriend for about 4 months now. We are really into each other and have great time when we are together. The thing is that I now want to have sex with her (she knows that I am a virgin) but whenever I try to have sex I get nervous and have problems getting it up.

When she gives me a hand-job or blow-job I have no problem cumming but when its time for sex nothing happens! This is really irritating because it has given my gf a complex and she thinks that I am not attracted to her or something (totally untrue). Has anyone been in a similar situation before and how did you get through it?

[aggierocker]

Are you foreplaying before hand?

 

On another note: I can't believe and don't want to end up like that till 27.

 

Maybe its because of that movie 40 Year Old Virgin, that gives America that outlook to just go out there and screw.

[BellaDonna]

On another note: I can't believe and don't want to end up like that till 27.

 

I don't think Alien777 was looking for opinions about virginity. There are times when witholding your opinion might be a good idea- especially if it can be taken as offensive and does nothing to help answer the original question.

 

Anyways, on to the actual question in the post: Being nervous can definitly affect sexual performance. First, I think you should ask yourself are you truly ready to give your virginity to this woman. Extreme nervousness might be a sign that it does not feel "right" to you to proceed.

 

However if you are 100% sure you want this, then I would focus on feeling more comfortable around each other while undressed. Maybe try sensual massage as another way to relax. Both of you need to go into it with a pressure-free state of mind. If you both insist that sex MUST happen at that moment- that is going to create a vicious cycle of anxiety in which pressure to perform limits your ability to have an erection.Try different techniques to relax such as massage, a bath together, some wine might help too.... If you find that this continues to be a problem over a long period of time, then the next step would be to tell your doctor.

 

 

BellaDonna

[hk87]

Who cares if he's 27! Hes probably only just found the right lady! Give him a break.

I think it is purely your nerves which are affecting you. You really have to be relaxed, and do LOTS of foreplay to get in the mood, then if it doesn't happen first time, well, it's not a big deal, just laugh it off. First times rarely go smoothly. Just keep reassuring your g/f that you are attracted to her, and pay her lots of attention in other ways. She should be understanding since its your first time and take things slowly!

 

Good luck

[Ash]

I'd recommend you just keep doing what you're doing for the most part with the HJs and BJs, stop worrying about actual intercourse. Get yourself more and more comfortable with what's happening. You don't actually need to go for full on sex right from the start. Let (or suggest) her HJs turn into more than just using her hands, she can rub against you, perhaps alternating between using her hand and pressing herself against you. As you get closer and closer to being in the right place, I think you'll find you can stay hard no problem. Tell her to take it nice and slowly, almost teasing you. But again, as others are saying, the trick is to not be nervous about it.

[aggierocker]

Hey atleast he's getting some. I'm just an 18 year old virgin.

[onmyownagain]

I remember the first few times I tried I had this problem, so long ago now I can't remember how I got past this stage, but you do if you have a loving partner somehow I guess.

[annie24]

it sounds like it is just nerves. I agree with Ash - stick to HJ's and BJ's for now, and as things progress and you get more comfortable, then sex will happen.

 

i heard a really good analogy once - it's like sleeping - if you lay in bed and say over and over to yourself, 'go to sleep! go to sleep go to sleep!" - it's not going to happen. Same thing with sex. If you want to go to sleep, you just relax and let yourself naturally fall asleep instead of forcing yourself to.

 

no worries - it will be fine. just enjoy the intimacy with your gf and the sex will happen.

[iceberg21]

Well I've run into this too before. One of the worst feelings, I know what you're going through. In fact what you're saying parallels my experience. But basically what everyone is saying here is the right medicine. What I found to be the biggest issue is that she would get VERY turned on, not do anything for me then expect to get laid. Well we made a few adjustments there, bada bing, we're in business.

 

Also, if you're holding sex on a pedastal, don't. And calm the heck down. Above all else, get this little setback outta your head. And have fun.

[Siriana]

Relax, take it easy.... Even when it's not your first time it's not all perfect...it doesn't have to be.

Annie 24 gave you great advice - when you think a lot about a problem it becomes bigger and bigger, and sudenlly you have a huge pink elephant in your room.

Try to create some situations that make you both feel happy and that are not connected with sex. Something that relaxes you both and increases your intimacy, something you like to do together.

Going out in the evening, spending a day in nature.....maybe than in the evening things start to be interesting...little bit of wine is a good idea too.

And yes, have an open conversation with your gf - tell her your fears and what worries you and you will feel less nervous and as a result you will more conected to her - apperently you haven't talked to her if she assumes that you're not attracted to her...maybe you had superficial conversation and not about your feelings... No need to act brave if you are affraid.

[arwen]

I am going through this with my bf. He was a virgin before we met, and things are gradually developing. Just take it slow, relax and show passion when you do other stuff than the actual intercourse.

 

As for the age issue, some people wait for the right person, and meet that person later in life than others do. I am happy that my bf waited and I am not bothered by his 'lack' of experience. My bf is 30 by the way.

 

Ilse

[Hope75]

Hey atleast he's getting some. I'm just an 18 year old virgin.

 

It's sad that you think sex is a COMPETITION or a race, but I guess that will change with maturity.

[lizylyz]

WOW, you know what, its great you're a virgin. Don't look at it as a problem because you'll be thinking about that when you're with her instead of just being excited to touch her. Understand that your virginity is your best gift to her (other than your heart). As soon as you're ok with the whole virginity thing, then you'll be fine.

 

Plus don't overthink and overplan. be spontenious and realize that she knows what she's doing and she'll show you what she likes so it won't be as bad as you think.

 

Beinga virgin is a rarity this days so feel great that you've held on so long.