Question to the girls please

[ServiceMan2k]

Hey girls.. This girl and i work together and we talk every day and sometimes after work we go and chill and eat for a few hours.. Anyways, attraction has been building up between me and her, but im jsut not absolutely sure she likes me.. she is very subtle i think...

 

We talk in my car befor we go to work and she tells me about her stress adn her problems and what not.. she flirts at work alot of touchy feely stuff lately..

 

But im always the one asking her to chill after work usualy (shes asked once or twice)

 

My big question is that she refuses to call almost.. i keep telling her to call me that night and she just says "no u call me" and i will say "No you call me"

 

Is it weird for a girl to be like this?? why?? I dont want to be the one chasing her and calling her all the time ya know?

[monsieur]

I'm a guy, but had to reply because it sounds like my situation too, and it doesn't get any better with time, she has you in a position of being the one that has to do all the work, and it is an insecure stressful position to be in, yet it gets worse as the months go by. If a relationship does develop, chances are she will keep you slightly off balance and worried continually.

 

I've had it both ways, and the relationship where the girl is crazy about you and calling all the time and wanting to be with you all the time is much better.

[ServiceMan2k]

Also i sent her a text last nigth when i called her cuz she said to call her tomorrow.. i said in the text "why should i bother to call u tom when u say no when i ask u to go places sometimes" and sum other stuff she replied saying "wow um ok later" (we joke saying um ok later to each other alot kind of an inside joke thing) and i texted her back saying K great cant wait for u to call tomorrow! good night! ttyl! and she replied " your mean "

[shes2smart]

Based on the relationships I've had, it's always worked out better in terms of the relationship's longevity if the guy was the initiator/pursuer. Every time I developed interest in & pursued a guy, it's turned out badly.

 

In this situation though, I would advise extreme caution. Dating and developing romantic relationships with co-workers isn't a good idea the vast majority of the time. It's too awkward if things go badly and you break up, not to mention some companies have polices that forbid that type of relationship between employees.

 

It is in your best interest to take a step back and look at the larger picture -- what is this company's policy? how much do you care about this job? how much does she care about her job? is the potential relationship worth risking this job and/or finding other employment? and so forth -- before dealing with the who should be pursuing who issue.

[bobo85]

Dont call her for a few days and see what happens. She'll get mad, but why? You guys arent together and you arent obligated to call her. Its because she wants the attention and you are not gonna give it to her. I'll bet she's use to getting all the attention from guys and she never had to do any work because guys are willing to put 100% effort to court her while she sits back and prolly only gives 25%. Thats just not fair. Back off and don't be like all the other guys out there. Let her chase you once in a while.

[ServiceMan2k]

The job thing is no biggy. Its a part time job at a day care, and when i graduate im going to the service.. so i mean im not going to be working there longer than a year from now.. Our job is small, our boss's are couples as well..

[monsieur]

I'll bet she's use to getting all the attention from guys and she never had to do any work because guys are willing to put 100% effort to court her while she sits back and prolly only gives 25%. Thats just not fair. Back off and don't be like all the other guys out there. Let her chase you once in a while.

 

great point bobo, in my situation the girl is an absolute stunner, tall slim model, smart, witty, super confident, and she is actually used to having to give -10%, and guys are willing to put 110% effort and she just moves on if she doesn't get it or even if she does. Who knows if she will end up happy in the future, but for now she has many male 'friends' that she only considers as friends and yet they will all do anything for her, in varying degrees. Falling for a girl like that is torture, pain and confusion let me tell you. In the original posters case it may not be as extreme as with my girl, but I think the concept is similar.

[btbt]

I can understand how you feel, but if you want this relationship to go anywhere, someone has to take the risk. Sounds like you are both playing head games with each other. Remember also that women are taught by society to wait until the guy initiates. Obviously, there are lots of exceptions to this rule, but I bet her friends are saying to her that she shouldn't be doing all the work, and you're asking the same question of yourself -- why should I be doing all the work? So you got a stalemate here. If you're patient and willing to see things peter out, then step back. If you'd rather get things rolling and willing to take a risk, then go for it!

[itsallgrand]

couple of things:

*she may not be truly interested and just likes the attention/ear

*she sucks at communicating and expects you to do all the work -

in which case you can either

- back off and see if she gets 'upset' or calls you. Use it as an opportunity to tell her you are interested in getting to know her more, but would love if she would make more of an effort to reach out

-push it, keep calling first all the time, and watch her sit back and keep doing this, til you feel nuts

-confront her right away, tell her you like her but need for her to make an effort too

-find someone else

 

good luck

[bleeding_heart18]

I see her point...and let me tell you why

 

Theres to many times a guy says he will call and never does...So call her

at least once, make the first move, why not? And then she will start

calling you, because the man will say to call a little later...

 

Next thing you know, you like this person and you are stuck by the phone

waiting for him to call...

 

Screw it...I think she's right lol...

 

Anyways, thats my personal experience.

 

Call her...tell her to call you back..who knows, maybe you'll get into

an in dept conversation...and you wont care about who calls who.

[jordan_2]

sorry didn't really read all the other posts...

but if the girl says for you to call....especially after you tell her to call...

call her...of course don't call like that night right away...i read someone's reply and they're right...wait a few days and she what she says...be careful to show that you aren't completely whipped and gaga over her, but also show that you are interested....THIS IS LEADING TO A QUESTION OF MY OWN...

if a girl tells you to reply or call or msg her or somethign.....how long do you wait? I know everyone hears a general rule of about 2-3 days or something like that...is this true?

thanks

[Dating Coach]

Also i sent her a text last nigth when i called her cuz she said to call her tomorrow.. i said in the text "why should i bother to call u tom when u say no when i ask u to go places sometimes"

 

That is very needy and clingy of you. She's not your girlfriend, and you are acting as if she owes you plans or something. Very unattractive. Do you call up your guy friends and say this stuff?

 

Plus, I notice you said that you listen to her problems and stuff. Great. You're her therapist too. This definitely leads to friendzone, and to me it sounds like you are totally friendzoned.

 

A girl who is interested in a guy gets very giddy and excited just like we do when we are interested in a girl. There is no difference. If a girl is interested in a guy, she will be available to him. If this girl is only hanging out with you on friend terms, using you for a therapist (how fun), etc but is not excited about going out on dates, is not holding hands, kissing, etc, then her actions are clearly stating where you stand. You're int he friendzone.

 

If you wouldn't treat a friend with certain benefits, then don't treat a girl any different as far as favors go. You're not being relaxed if you do, you're not being yourself. Your nervousness, self doubt, etc becomes very clear when you have to do all of these special favors to be around the girl. It's unattractive and has got you friendzoned.

 

If you are interested in someone, get to the point, ask them out on a romantic date. Do not hang out as buddies unless you just want to be buddies.

[lizylyz]

start by telling her that if she wants to talk to you then she'll have to call. then don't call her for a while. If (or when) she calls you, take it from there.

[jordan_2]

start by telling her that if she wants to talk to you then she'll have to call. then don't call her for a while. If (or when) she calls you, take it from there.

 

a question about that...

won't girls most likely expect the guy to calll...because if he doesn't it will show a sign of being uninterested and the girl will take it as that?

just wondering

[justwonderingkid]

well if you're just randomly calling to say hi, then i think girls expect you to call, but if she asks you to call make sure you defiinitely do or else she'll think you didnt care enough to call. i think shes just trying to get more attention from you (she probably definitely knows you like her), and the reason she can do this is because 90% of the time it works! i remember i went crazy over this girl i like (and im only 15) and she seemed to just be a good friend to me. Then i stopped paying so much attention to her and talked to her, her friends, and my friends all about equally. and now its a couple months later and i really think i have a chance with her! (and just a little side note, i messed up big time with her nearly a year ago) so just dont seem needy, but show you care.