arghh my lifes in shambles

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

I have never stopped loving my first and only true love. We never really broke up but went our separate ways. I ended up marrying someone on a rebound that lasted almost 16 yrs. I stayed in contact with my one and only true love all the way up til a few years ago when he seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth. No hes not dead, but something is going on his life that Makes absolutely no sense.

 

To make matters worse, 13 yrs ago i had a one night stand with him after my husband hit me, and we created a child together. My husband doesn't know about that night or that the child he always thought was his isn't.

 

I lately i have been getting the urgent feeling that i need to get ahold of my one and only true love to tell him the truth that i have kept from him for all these years about his son, and that i still love him.

 

Can life be any more difficult. Destiny keeps throwing us together but we have never made the comitment to be together again after we separated.

 

Here is what destiny has done

 

1 i met my friend 19 yrs ago when i went to a restraunt by his house, his family came in and sat down at the table next to me, my friend came in short time later and instead of pulling a chair up to their table he sat at mine and proceeded to place his order. We dated from that point on til he was in a accident and didnt think he had anything to offer me and nothing i could do would convince him otherwise.

 

2. I invited him to my wedding he refused to come said it would be to ackward.

 

3 we had a one night stand that created a child that would forever tie us together though i never told him. He lives over 200 miles away so it was easy but the hardeset thing i ever did and not tell him.

 

4. he invited me to his wedding, i told him i couldnt come because i had to work. I think he knew it was for the same reason he wouldnt come to mine.

 

5. i get these darn urgent feelings to find him i was about to give up on finding him when i find him in one last place i would ever expect. When a voice says try there.

 

6. Hes going to be available again july 1st in 10 weeks from today, 2 days before the 19th annivesary of my 18th birthday when i asked him to marry me under 4th of july fire works.

 

 

I have written him letters which i should hear back from him soon i hope. People wonder why im truly dazed and confused by destiny. When destiny keeps pointing away from my marriage to a guy i care about but never really loved to a man whos held my heart, and soul in his hands from the first time he kissed me when i was 17.

 

Am i a fool to want to be with my true and only love. Am i wrong to keep leading my husband of almost 16 yrs to believe what we have is true. I feel as though my whole life has been a lie that i created when i first dangled the posibility of me marrying someone else in front of my true loves face with the hope he would wake up from his idiotic idea that because he was disabled he wouldnt have anything to offer me. Instead it backfired and ended up with me being married for all these years trying to make something work when my heart has really never been it.

 

I hope destiny fate or whatever you want to call it, quits bonking me on the head and leads me in the right direction before i totally give up and go insane.

[itsallgrand]

Destiny?.......I don't understand. You feel like outside forces are in control more than you yourself?

[Daddy Bear]

I hope destiny fate or whatever you want to call it, quits bonking me on the head and leads me in the right direction before i totally give up and go insane.

i would probably call that your heart bonking you on the head. it happens to the best of us.

 

so, who should your child believe is his or her daddy?

[Alabama]

Wow. Well, this is probably very painful for you to hear: but you have to face the truth. You need to tell the person whom you have loved for all these years and about this child. And your husband! If you haven't loved him for these past 16 years truly, than why are you still married to him? You need to tell him the truth. It is not good in life to live a life of lies. It will only bring you more pain than anything. If you want to stay with the man that you truly love in your heart, than tell him this and face the truth. If you do decide to finally accept and face the truth, it will be a long and painful road, I'm road. But won't it be better than the life you've been living now?

[RandomAdvisor]

Your post is a reminder to me of why I don't believe in fate, destiny, or soul mates.

 

If your life is totally controlled by fate, then what does it matter what you do? Hasn't your decision been made for you?

 

I think you should throw the destiny ideas out the window. You are the master of your own destiny. Do what you want to, and do it believing that if you try hard enough you can make whatever you want happen.

[Siriana]

Destiny is the fact that you met him when you were jung, but all the other things that happened in the meantime are NOT destiny. You decided to have a child with him, you decided to keep that a secret to everyone, you decided to be stuck in past! I've red something really good recently: NOT MAKING A DECISION IS ALSO A DECISION

The fact is that our reactions to outside circumstances determines how things will develop (of course you still have free will of other persons around you-can't control them)

So maybe it would help trying first to sort things out just with yourself - deciding what you want to do and than react in the real world. Because you can't depend on some "higher will" and taking it as an excuse to stay where you are and not improving. Even religion doesn't teach you that if you look at it from a mature point of view.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

You decided to have a child with him, you decided to keep that a secret to everyone

 

first i didnt decide to have his child. I was on the pill and he used another form of protection. Yes i kept it secret from everyone, but i was doing it to protect my child along with others from getting hurt. I do not regret that i had his child, or that we had that one night stand. I do regret I never set the people involved straight about his parentage.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

I know i have been doing alot of soul searching persay. I do know what ever it chose its going to hurt someone. ARgh

[Daddy Bear]

dazed, how were you able to determine that "true love" was your son's biological father?

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

because my husband and i hadnt had sex in several months around that time, plus the fact that my son looks alot like my true love

[Daddy Bear]

because my husband and i hadnt had sex in several months around that time

yup, that's a pretty good indicator. he never asked about that? how could he not know?

 

i'm not judging, btw. i could so imagine myself in your predicament.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

Was easy since i lived over 200 miles from him, and we didnt see each other that often. Plus i told him every time i was pregnant with my other children. Thats the kind of relationship we had. We talked about everything. I guess I hoped he would ask if the child was his, when he didn't i didnt press it. I guess i was afraid he would think i lied about being on the pill but i should have known he wouldnt. All my life i was rideculed by my mother and i was afraid what would happen if i pressed about him being the father. I had hoped over time he would ask but he never did and i got tired of waiting. I just recently sent him a letter telling him about the child we created and why i never came forward on it. I just hope he understands. We havent seen each other in a long time but we talked alot on the phone. I havent been able to reach anyone on his phone recently thats why i sent the letter.