What to do?

[nx2chaos]

Hi all,

 

It has been 4 months since the separation occurred from an 8 year relationship. After having my whole life and family ripped from my hands with no warning. I moved out. Starting new. I am starting to feel much better, healing slowly, and I am getting my self esteem back. I have been doing my best with NC. I still have to talk to her cause we have a son together.

 

In the past 2 months I have been calling only to say goodnight or to talk to my son. Last Wednesday, After saying Goodnight to my son, she called me and asked me how I was doing ...blah, blah, blah.... of course I told her I was doing good, but in the back of my mind I am wondering why she is calling me.

 

Today she phones me in the morning and does the same thing... asks me how Ive been, what I am going to take from the positions I have been offered in my company, telling me about her life.

 

Am I being selfish if I feel like I dont want to talk to her? Do I really need to give her the friendship I know she wants to have? Does she deserve my friendship after all the hurt she has put me through?

 

I just dont really understand. I guess NC is working because I avoid eye contact, speaking to her about my life, and the changes I am going through. But everytime she calls and asks that question " How are you doing ", it annoys the hell out of me. She knows this is not what I wanted from the beginning of our relationship. But the way I see it, this is what she wants, it was her decision. I am just trying to heal, Learn and become a better person.

 

I am the better half, I will survive this and I know I will find happiness again.

I am just taking care of myself first.

 

Thanks for hearing me gripe.

Any advice would be helpful.

[Londyn]

Starting over is hard, but possible. To answer your question, NO! It is not wrong for you not to want to talk to her. If you really don't want to talk to her....then DON'T it is that simple. Call and talk to your son but all of the small talk is for the birds. (at least for now) It sounds like you need a little more time to get her out of your system. Being friends is a luxury that she can't afford right now. So, don't allow her to have everything she wants. However, becoming a better person is hard....but just start slow....Have you ever tried writing down in your PERSONAL JOURNAL everything you are feeling and everything you want out of life? I would suggest that you set yourself some short term goals and work your butt of to make her see everything she is missing out in YOU . Fill up your time with constructive things that will build you up as MAN!

 

Hope this helps

[Beyondthesea]

You're not wrong for being upset. That was a long relationship and you still feel hurt of course.

 

Make sure to limit your contact. She shouldn't be phoning to talk about the weather. Only for your child or an emergency.