Life Support or no life support

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

2 yrs ago I lost my father to a massive brain stem stroke. He would have never pulled out of. From what I read up on that type of stroke its 90 percent fatal and the 10 percent that do survive it are left like vegetables.

 

Needless to say my father never let anyone know his wishes on this matter. He was 59 when he died after remaining in a coma for 5 days.

 

Please all let your family know your wishes, your never to young or to old to die.

 

 

I question to this day if he had received the extra help other then basic oxygen and iv if he would have lived. Doctors said he would have never come off a breathing tube. But they also said the year before when he had a mild stroke that he wouldnt recover but he did after laying in a coma for a week.

 

My dad passed away day after easter april 12th 2004 after lingering in his coma this time for 5 days.

 

Part of me says we made the right decision but the other part says what if

[amtjrtcet]

I know your feeling of "what if". My father had a cat. stroke on 05/06/04. We were told the same, he'd be in a vegetable state if he survived. My mother and I had to make the decision to take him off life support. How could we be expected to make that decision, and play "GOD"? But we prayed for hours in the hospital, & we knew my father would not have wanted to live like that.

 

I'll always wonder "what if". But I know he's in a better place now, and that's all I allow myself to focus on.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

that what if always plays a hand doesn't it. No matte what we chose in life we are always asking what if.

[itsallgrand]

You're spreading an important message that will most likely help someone in the world to avoid the pain and doubt you are now going through. What a wonderful thing to do, what a nice gift .

 

I hope you find peace soon. My sincerest condolences on your loss.

I hope that one day, soon, these feels will work themselves through, and you will know deep inside "We did everything we could to the best of our knowledge, out of love. If we had known his wishes, we would have acted on them, but since we didn't - we did what we felt was best in our hearts."

 

Perhaps you would like to write a nice letter to your dad, letting him know how you feel.

 

When I lost my stepfather, who I loved very dearly, to terminal cancer...I was left with many of these same feelings.

"Could I have done more? Did I make the right choices in his care? Did I do everything possible to make him comfortable and would he approve?"

 

I wrote him a letter after his passing, and it helped a lot.

In my heart, I know he knew how much I loved him. And that I did everything I could.

 

Lots of love your way.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

I know too many people think that it wont happen to them but it does. And the family are left to make a decision that could be never answered if it was right or wrong. Because we very well cant go back and change it to see if they would have made it.

[DN]

People should consider a 'living will' by which you can leave instructions about what you want done in this sort of situation.

 

This a google page which you can explore to find the different forms.

 

link removed

[Hope75]

People should consider a 'living will' by which you can leave instructions about what you want done in this sort of situation.

 

This a google page which you can explore to find the different forms.

 

link removed

 

I had a living will drawn up by a lawyer friend of mine about 6 years ago. I also told my parents and loved ones what I wanted in case something should happen.

 

Following my actions, my parents also had living wills created and health care proxys as well.

 

I think it's very important to let others know what you want in case of an unforeseen emergency. You just never know.

 

Thanks for making this post.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

your very welcome. Everyone always thinks they will live forever but we dont. Make sure to that when you make your living will your family is welll informed of your decision and agrees to it.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

This song helps in almost any situation you are in. I find it very inspiring. It also helped me come to decisions i would have never thought to even try.

 

He said I was in my early forties

with a lot of life before me

when a moment came that stopped me on a dime

and I spent most of the next days

looking at the x-rays

Talking bout the options

and talking bout sweet time

I asked him when it sank in

that this might really be the real end

how?s it hit you when you get that kinda news

man what?d you do

 

and he said

I went sky diving

I went Rocky Mountain climbing

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named BluManchu

and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter

and I gave forgiveness I?d been denying

and he said someday I hope you get the chance

to live like you were dying.

 

He said I was finally the husband

that most the time I wasn?t

and I became a friend a friend would like to have

and all the sudden going fishin

wasn?t such an imposition

and I went three times that year I lost my dad

well I finally read the good book

and I took a good long hard look

at what I?d do if I could do it all again

 

and then

I went sky diving

I went Rocky Mountain climbing

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named BluManchu

and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter

and I gave forgiveness I?d been denying

and he said someday I hope you get the chance

to live like you were dying.

 

Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about

what?d you do with it what did you do with it

what did I do with it

what would I do with it?

 

Sky diving

I went Rocky Mountain climbing

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named BluManchu

and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter

and I watched an eagle as it was flying

and he said someday I hope you get the chance

to live like you were dying.

To live like you were dying

To live like you were dying

To live like you were dying

To live like you were dying

[Hope75]

That is very important too. I sat down with my family when it was made and went over it with them. They agreed with my wishes.

 

I also brought a copy to my primary care physician's office and had it placed with my medical records. A third copy resides with the lawyer who drew it up for me. It was also signed and witnessed by two other people, one of whom is my best friend.

 

I've discussed this with my boyfriend as well, since we live together and he is my emergency contact for work. He understands my wishes and agrees to support them.

 

It can be a difficult and sensitive issue, but it is very important as you say to spell it out.

 

Take Terri Shaivo's example. At 26 she had no idea she would be unable to speak for herself ever again which lead to her husband and family's dispute which lasted over a decade.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

i know i have seriously thought of having one written up though i have told everyone my wishes especially after seeing teri in florida and what her family had to go through.

[Hope75]

It's one thing to tell family and friends your wishes, but if you want them protected by law, it's important to have the document drawn up by an attorney and signed, witnessed, and notorized.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

very true, i do know though with his death. I have come to realize that life is too short to tell people you love them, tell them what they need to know. etc. That song live like you are dying is really the truth. Live each day as it may be your last, for everything you cherish could be of the past.

[RayKay]

Living wills are very important. You don't NEED a lawyer to do one, you can draft one and have it witnessed, have copies and put them in safe places where they can be found (ie safety deposit box) but it is a better idea because they can make sure to cross off the loopholes and make it a legal document.

 

People think it can't happen to them...but it certainly does.

 

My boyfriend died in 2002 after suffering a massive cerebral hemorrhage, he was in a coma for 5 days before he suffered massive swelling that caused his brain stem to be crushed. He was 25 years old - an age most people don't even consider getting living wills, or will for that matter. He of course did not have one, but he was taken off life support a day after the brain stem was crushed, because we all knew it was not what he wanted, and there was no brain activity based on tests.

 

Have a will, and a living will, and discuss them with your family so they know your wishes too. I grew up always knowing about my parent's wishes and wills for example. In a lot of families it is not discussed, but my mom has always been very open with me about when she had her will redone, and what was in it. She recently redid it after her cancer diagnosis as well to add in more of a living will component.

 

You can't worry about the what if-s - honestly when the brain stem is affected, that is pretty much the end as that is what regulates your entire body's functioning. I often wondered what if too...but knowing my late boyfriend, I also know that for him, being a vegetable was not something HE would of wanted.

 

I think your point is so important. When I used to work in financial services, one of the first things we had clients do was draw up wills if they did not have them. I am going back into school for law, with a huge interest in going into family & estate law, including will planning.

[Wimpy]

I'm just in the process of updating my Will and I asked about a living will but apparently in the UK they are not, currently, binding in Law over here.

 

The solicitor recommended telling everyone my wishes but that as yet there was no legislation to make it legal currently.

 

My Dad died nearly 7 years ago of a massive heart attack and he collapsed at the gym. By the time he arrived at hospital they'd restarted his heart about 3 times and were saying that if it stopped again they wouldn't recommend "heroic measures".

 

Unfortunately I wasn't even here as I was away on holiday and never got back before he died. That was the toughest thing for me to handle as it was so sudden.

 

However, his death made me realise how things would work if I died suddenly so I sorted out a Will (which I've updated a couple of times due to changes in personal circumstances) and I'm in the process of making my wishes known about prolonging life etc.

 

Anyway just my two pennies worth.

[coollady1957]

First of all let me say that I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband about two and a half years ago. He had a will and living will ,making all his desires and wishes known, many years ago. We had also verbally discussed it many time prior to his death of his wishes , if anything were to happen to him.

 

It was sudden death at age 48. At that time we were told that he was healthy as could be ( we thought) and had his yearly physical check ups, like clock work. I fact the day before he died, he had been to the doctor for his annual routine physical and all showed that he was fine. He never had a complaint health wise, so his sudden death was a horror that will stick with me forever. It showed me that life is too short to take anything for granted.

 

My husband died right before my eyes in a matter of seconds, and its very scary because he was the age that I am now. I have a will and living will as well, so that my family knows my last wishes on everything.