What is going on here??

[jcap01]

Hello everybody,

 

I'm so happy I found this site. I've been reading these posts for days now and reading these posts have definitely been making me feel a lot better.

 

So here's my story...I met the love of my life a couple years ago in Venice Beach California (she actually picked me up ) She is from New York and I'm from Canada. We ended up getting engaged...we both never experienced this kind of love for anybody else and we just knew we had to be together. We saw each other every couple of months and every time we saw each other, we had a wonderful time. She visited a few places in Canada and she decided she loved Vancouver, BC so I decided to move down to Vancouver and start a life there and wait for her to move down. The sad thing is, she has been medically Ill all her life and has had 13 operations. She wasn't feeling good a lot of the time and it upset me because I knew it would affect her moving down to Canada and being with me. Her moving down got postponed (found this out in December) for another year or so. I was a little sad because I wanted to be with her and was willing to go through more tough times of not being with her.

 

We had our arguments etc like any relationships but I don't think my ex was strong enough to go through tough times because of her medical issues. In February, things were different. (i spent x-mas in NY) We called each other every day for 2 years and talked at least an hour every day. She became more distant and I could tell things were not going to work out. We talked about it and we decided she needed to deal with her health issues before being in any relationship.

 

She continued to call and email me and tell me that I'm the most wonderful man she has ever been with, nobody will ever compare and to always keep her close. I would also get random text messages saying "good night to the most wonderful man on earth, maybe we can see each other in a couple of months and just know that I'm crying right now". She also said if she could be with anybody, it would be me. That made me very happy and I said the same things back to her, basically blowing sunshine up her * * * *. However, for the past 3 months she had been talking about a very nice man from Greece who is a surgeon that called her regularily. This man is one of her best friend's cousin that lives in Greece. I was very happy to hear that she had a friend that could understand her problems and guide her through the process of her getting better. Part of me though, thought something was suspicious. She then told me he was coming from Greece for a couple of weeks to spend time with her. She said she was very happy about this and was very glad for a man to be doing this for her. It wasn't until I heard this when I started to feel differently. I begged her to take me back and she said she couldn't right now and she wasn't ready for me. I started panicing and couldn't understand how she was just throwing everything out the window so easily.

 

One day came around where I felt I had to lie about getting the truth out of her. I told her that I cheated on her multiple times while I was with her. She then came out and said...well now I don't feel so bad that I'm in love with another man and I'm together with him. Me and the guy from Greece fell in love the first time we saw each other. She also told me (and this hurt so bad) that she's never felt this way about another man before and she's so head over heals for him. She tells me they cry when the look at each other because they are so happy to be together. I mean come on...how do you tell this to your fresh ex-fiancee that cares about you so much and would be willing to die for you! They have been talking about Marriage and she is planning to move to Greece with him next year and planning to be engaged sometime in the next 6 months or so. The funny thing is, is that in February when we called it off is when this happenned and she lied to me, my parents and everybody else about it. Sending me texts, phoning me, saying she missed me etc. I couldn't believe all of this so I asked her to send me pictures to prove it. Sure enough, she sent me pictures dated back in February with her and this new man kissing. I was very heart-broken and couldn't believe it. Until last thursday, i have been trying to be her friend but breaking down and crying. I told her last thursday that I can't be her friend, don't want to be her friend and I have lots of friends (I tried NC before I knew about Mr. Greece and she had called me back telling me that she talked to her friend who's a phsycologist and the psycologist told her it wasn't a good idea to totally stop talking and that I shouldn't stop talking to her). She said she is going to miss me so much and that she'll stop communicating with me and listen to me. She also said she is going to surprise me in Vancouver sometime soon. I told her not to as it would make it even harder for me. She said she didn't care and to expect her sometime. She says she still loves me and misses me and is not ready for me to be out of her life because I'm very special to her and I've helped her through a lot. She also thanks me for loving her because I'm the only man that's ever loved her and I showed her what love is all about. She says nobody will ever love her like I did and nobody will love me like she did...bull crap if you ask me. I'm not sure what NC will do but I think because of what she's done...lying etc and even lying behind her new man's back and still contacting me for the past three months says a lot about her. She said she is going to lie to Mr. Greece and tell him she's going on a business trip when in fact she wants to see me. I'm pretty confused in this situation and I know she is in love with another man at the moment but it sounds like to me, she is just very confused. What does everybody else think? I mean I've initiated NC but is that the way to go? We've done long distance the whole time...isn't that enough distance? However, we did talk every day for about 2 years and had a great emotional relationship and were always there for each other.

[laura_5000]

If I was in this situation I wouldn't want anything to do with her. I know it's hard to let go of her and even turn her away if she visits.

The fact of the matter is that she lied to you and she is willing to lie to her new boyfriend about visiting you.

I feel that if she is willing to lie to both of you then she is not worth it. I would distance myself from her and don't contact her.

[jcap01]

Oh, when I talk about going out etc (this happened last week) she will question who I'm out with, where I am etc and act jealous about the situation. I told her I was going to Alberta on Friday morning and she quickly asked why I was going..."are you going to visit your ex"? An ex that she really didn't like. She's been throwing mixed signals at me for so long and bringing me so down. I can't believe people can be like this. If she's in Love with another man, why does she still want to contact me and hear from me? I feel the whole reason why she didn't tell me about him in the first place is because she wants to test the waters out with this new guy...if things didn't work out, she'd come back to me...that's my take on it anyway. I mentioned this to her and she said "you'll always be number one to me", trying to save face it seems and doesn't want to wreck the possibility of her and I getting together one day again. But in my mind, i'll always now feel like I'm number 2.

[Mun]

I think you are wasting your time here. She has already showed you her true colors....don't you think you deserve better? Think about it, would you ever believe another word that came out of her mouth knowing that she has already lied to both you and her new man. I know I couldn't trust her--ever.

 

Just have a question: Might she have some sort of self-esteem issues?

[jcap01]

Mun,

 

I'm starting to feel she does have self-esteem issues. She gets a lot of guys attention, dresses sexy most of the time and is a little conceited actually. I sent her a picture (because she asked) of a girl i've been seeing last week and she sounded very upset. She said "she's not as pretty as me". And I said, come on, look at her, she's gorgeous. She got very offended and couldn't believe I said that to her and that she'd never say anything like that to me. She loves attention I can tell you that much.

[jcap01]

Also,

 

She did lie to her new man that her and I were over last September. Man, what kind of woman does this sort of thing? And why would she lie to him about this? How much has she lied to me? Makes me really upset. Seems as though she didn't care about me at all while I was with her, and I did so much for her...wow.

[randy]

She was dishonest with you AND Mr . Greece .

 

Do you hear the sirens ? Do you see the red light at the corner of your eyes . . .

 

She's wrong ! Leave her ! Don't have any contact with her .

[jcap01]

Thanks Randy,

 

Thursday is when I told her I didn't want anything more to do with her and I don't want to be her friend because I have lots of friends. She was very sad about that but that needed to be done. I haven't heard from her since but I can tell you that I will.

 

When I talk to her though, she is so convincing that she is a good woman. Very manipulative and always seems to have a way of getting me to want her again. That's another reason I can't talk to her. All of this Randy and still I feel I want to be with her...I'm really not too sure why. I love this girl very much for some reason.

 

Other things I should mention...for the past three months, when I was being a nice guy and understanding before I knew about Mr. Greece, she would send me sexy pictures of herself etc. She's so horrible. In love with another man but contacting an ex-fiancee. Even on Thursday when I was telling her that's it, I want nothing to do with you, she wanted to send me pictures of her in her new bikini. What in the heck is up with this woman. Was I so blinded the whole time I was with her?

[randy]

Thanks Randy,

 

Thursday is when I told her I didn't want anything more to do with her and I don't want to be her friend because I have lots of friends. She was very sad about that but that needed to be done. I haven't heard from her since but I can tell you that I will.

 

When I talk to her though, she is so convincing that she is a good woman. Very manipulative and always seems to have a way of getting me to want her again. That's another reason I can't talk to her. All of this Randy and still I feel I want to be with her...I'm really not too sure why. I love this girl very much for some reason.

 

Well the way I see it . We know you want to be with this girl right ? ? ? ( not sure if that's a good idea but we can't really fight these feelings right away anyways ) Now . . . do we know if SHE really wants to be with you ? ? ? It kind of sounds like she craves attention ! I have learnt that the best approach for girls like this is NC . Lets see what she does next . Let her contact you, send you pictures blah blah blah . Stay calm . Don't let her know that you still have feelings for her . Just stay calm and give that no contact a try . What an odd girl !

 

But . . . . if I were in your situation I would simply avoid her like some deadly flesh eating bacteria of some sort !

[jcap01]

Ok Randy,

 

Who wouldn't want attention from a very good looking surgeon from Greece that's 32 years old and is willing to do anything for you. Has more money, blah, blah, blah. (only shallow women in my eyes). I might not have everything a doctor has but I have a good soul and heart to offer. She will see this in time I'm sure. She's in the honeymoon stage of this relationship. Let's see when they start having problems. I'm not going to be there for her. Fat chance.

[jcap01]

If she does happen to try to contact me, what do you suggest I do? Should I ignore all contact for a while or see what she has to say? I'm definitley not going to give her the impression I'm interested in her again...

[randy]

Ok Randy,

 

Who wouldn't want attention from a very good looking surgeon from Greece that's 32 years old and is willing to do anything for you. Has more money, blah, blah, blah. (only shallow women in my eyes).[/quote]

 

see , you just answered your own question .

 

 

 

If she does happen to try to contact me, what do you suggest I do? Should I ignore all contact for a while or see what she has to say? I'm definitley not going to give her the impression I'm interested in her again...

 

Are you still interested in her ? In My Opinion you should forget about her . From what you have told us here she very unfaithful, and she's addicted to attention . Ahhhh ! ! !

 

If you're not interested then make yourself VERY VERY busy . Start seeing other people , go out with friends , learn a new language , update your stamp collection . . . the point is, become a busy guy . Let her send you emails or what not . If she calls you then, then tell her straight out "I'm sorry xxx but you are not the type of person I originally though you were . I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship of any kind with you" .

 

That's all . Simple and sweet !

 

Good luck !

[randy]

I think you're right on this one !

[jcap01]

There was something about this girl that I really loved. She was very into me, wanted to marry me etc. How the heck does one person love me one minute (she says she still loves me), but the next minute she is in love with some other dude only knowing him for three months. At x-mas time when I was in New York, I even asked her if she wanted to still marry me. And she said of course...nobody will ever compare to you. (she still even says this (that nobody will ever compare to me)) This is what I'm confused about. I did lots for her. I gave her my all. I bought the car that she wanted, moved to the city she wanted to live in, was always there talking to her when she needed somebody to talk to. On Thursday she said she can't talk about things she talks to me about to anybody, including Mr. Greece. Even when I heard about this greek guy I was very understanding and didn't snap at all. I have always been so good to her. No contact with her should (and I hope) make her realize what she really lost. I don't think I would be with her anymore based on the fact on what I have found out with her in the previous few months but I really want her to know that she lost a good partner, a great friend and a great lover. Why the heck does she want to see me one last time? What are her motives? I told her it would make me upset but she insists she needs to see me in person. I'm not too sure what I'll do if she comes to Vancouver. I don't want this pain to continue at all and seeing her or talking to her will start it all over again. She also said she is not giving the ring back...a nice ring and she's converting them to earrings. Wow that's harsh...

 

Does anybody else have any feedback?

 

Do guys like these types of girls? I wonder how she made me so blinded. I'm hoping Mr. Greece because he's a bit older and probably a bit wiser can see right through her.

[eljose]

She sounds like the worst kind of trouble. Let's face it, to do this to someone you would have to be a self centered liar of the worst kind. She is, and you deserve way better than that.

 

Just imagine if you had married someone like this?

[richmoge]

I just started reading this site today, but I am so glad I have. This girl is very similar to my ex. You should read my story. I just posted it today. She is charismatic, pretty, alot of fun, smart, but she is also very insecure, manipulative, and wants to have her cake and eat it too. She craves attention just like your girl. I had the hardest time believing that people could actually be this way, especially when you are in love with them, but reading your story has helped me to believe and accept this. This is a valuable lesson to learn. I don't ever want to be this naive again.

 

As difficault as this is to believe, I think she is using you for her own vanity and ego because she is so insecure. Believe me I know that stings, but it is the truth. Be true to yourself and let her go. What you want to happen with her is a fantasy, and I am sorry to say will never happen. You deserve much better, and you will find it. Have faith and learn from this.

 

All the best to you.

[jcap01]

But does that mean she did not give one flying f*** about me at all and was always waiting for somebody better to come along? It's so odd because she acted like she cared so, so much and made me feel I was the only one for her. I really hope she realizes how good of a man I was and really think about it. I'm sure she will. She of course has the attention of a great looking doctor from greece that will do anything for her. How could she be upset? She's probably not...but we'll see when sh** starts hitting the fan and she's living in Greece (if she ever does move to Greece). I hope when I get a bit older, i can read girls a bit better and not fall for their crap. I'm really hoping this dude sees this and she learns a valuable lesson. How long would somebody put up with this sort of treatment?

[jcap01]

And how could she be so insecure...she knows that so many guys would like to be with her. What a mess she is...man.

 

In our relationship though, I did see some signals that did prove she was insecure. If she couldn't get a hold of me, she would call every phone number she ever had of me...including friends, parents, cousin etc. She did not want me to go on vacation with friends (was not allowed to). If I was going out and she wasn't, she'd make me stay home to talk to her etc. It just seems she alwasy thought that I could cheat on her...of course I never would though...she was my fiancee and I adored her. She knew that and still acted in this way.

 

It's hard for me to believe she didn't give a crap though. With her being sick and all and coming to Canada numerous times makes me think there was something special...maybe not.

 

Do any women have any valid input??

[Iceman26]

Dude, this chick is full of nothing but crap. Do you see a pattern here?

 

First she fell in love with you and was going to move in with you, then she couldnt move in with you. Then the story has been repeated with this other guy from Greece? Come on.

 

Cut this girl out of your life. She's a selfish little b****, and cares for no ones feelings but hers. Don't talk to her anymore because it truly is a waste of your time and I hope you see that.

[richmoge]

I don't know how much she cared for you. If I relate it to my situation, I would like to believe that my ex cared for me and loved me, but now I am really not sure if "love" is what she felt for me. I now believe that she was getting some need of hers filled with me, and when I no longer filled it, she found someone else. How else do you explain how quickly she moved on.

 

As I have said, I think your girl and my ex are very similar. For one thing they are compulsive liars. They do this out of FEAR. They spend their whole life afraid of many things including not getting attention. They always MUST be in a relationship because they are afraid to alone. Hell no one likes to be alone, but it is the only way to become independent. I don't want to ever be dependent on anyone again. Learning how to be alone and to love yourself is the best thing we can do for ourselves. It makes us stronger and more confident, and, thereforeeee more attractive. Eventually, the right person WILL come along if we make ourselves available.

 

I know you don't want to hear this right now. You still want some hope that things will work out. But the only way is to let go. You cannot control or influence her to come back to you. I have tried this and it never works. Maybe one day in days or months she will realize what kind of person you are, but you can not do anymore to demonstate this to her. She already knows you. If it is ever going to work, you must let her come to you. But my prediction is that, with time, you will realize that she is not a genuine person, and that she is self-centered and only out to fill her own needs. Judge her by her ACTIONS not her words.

[Miss M]

Jcap01, I think she never cared at all for you. I just think she is a very skilled liar. She told you exactly what you wanted to hear, and in the way you wanted to hear it. And she did that only to get you to give her the attention she needed. She's a self-serving woman, and you need to move on... because if you ever got her back, she'd just do it all over again. How many episodes of her two-timing you will it take before your heart is finally ripped into irreparable tiny bits? You shouldn't ever put up with being in competition with another man. So, move on, forget her, and start your healing... and then try to find a woman who truly loves you as her one and only.

[jcap01]

Hi Miss M,

 

Thanks for the reply. The thing is, she wasn't really two-timing. She was with this man after her and I were finished but did it so soon after that it felt like she was two-timing. The fact that she lied though for the three months and letting me know that I was still the only man was the hurtful part. I really can not believe there is people like this in this world. I really can't. Why not just be honest with me up-front. During the three months I asked her to please tell me the truth about this doctor and she kept saying that she was telling me everything and there was nothing going on. I said it would make me feel so much better and it would be easier for me to move on if she would tell me the truth but she just couldn't tell me the truth.

[Trex]

Jcap,

 

I am so sorry for your pain and suffering. This is one where I have to say you really should try your best to forget about her. Easier said than done, I know, but if she kept you hanging on for all those months while she was dangling another guy, she is TOTALLY untrustworthy and not worth your time any more at all. She needs a BIG wake up call. And massive therapy. Are you really going to want to wait for many years while she figures out that she's a jerk? PLEASE move on. Date other girls. It really will make you feel better. Just go on dates, not anything serious until you're healed. It's the best remedy for getting over someone who has broken your heart, believe me. Because it reminds you that there ARE other attractive women out there, and ones who won't treat you the way this one did.

[jcap01]

Does anybody think that a woman like this, with NC will eventually realize what they have lost or are they too screwed up to have these types of emotions? Also, could my ex just be so confused about this whole situation where she doesn't really know what she wants? I don't think she can be "In Love" with somebody so quickly and maybe is just infactuated with this man?

[Miss M]

Jcap, this one has red flags all over the place. She is only someone who will break your heart again and again. Stay with her and you'll just get more of the same. And I still say she's a two-timer. You've established that she's a liar. And you said she's manipulative. And she's a two-timer because she was sending you sexy pictures while she was with him. She's with him and simultaneously telling you that you're number one. That's a dishonest two-timing woman. And how the heck can you be number one if she's with him??? Man, that's not even logical. If you were really number one, then she'd be with you.

 

The fact that she lied though for the three months and letting me know that I was still the only man was the hurtful part.

See? That's a two-timer.

 

The bottom line is she wants two guys at once. And she really didn't even make much of an effort to hide it. And from your comments here, I guess she didn't have to because you still want her even after she's mistreated and disrespected and lied to you. She's told you all about him, and she's told him about you. I'm amazed that you're still writing as if you want to be with her.

 

Oh, and I find it interesting that she told him she broke up with you in September, but you think you broke up in February??? Do you see the red flags there? In some form she's been cheating on you.

 

Does anybody think that a woman like this, with NC will eventually realize what they have lost or are they too screwed up to have these types of emotions? Also, could my ex just be so confused about this whole situation where she doesn't really know what she wants? I don't think she can be "In Love" with somebody so quickly and maybe is just infactuated with this man?

Are you trying to stay deep in denial? Are you trying to make excuses for her so you can continue to have her in your life? Are you trying to convince yourself that she's something she's clearly not? Every indication is that she's a liar and a cheater, but you actually write as if you'd like to offer her an invitation to lie to you in more clever ways. And she doesn't have to even lie to you because it's seems you're willing to lie to yourself on her behalf.

 

And why do you want her to realize what she's lost? Why do you want her to choose you over the the doctor?... is that so you'll feel as if you've competed with him and won a prize? Will that make you feel special and worthy? Well, she's definitely no prize. Instead you should be running fast away from her, and recognizing that you never ever had the kind of woman you thought. And I think you should recognize that you deserve much more than her lies.