He said it would be hard, but...

[shorty20]

When I met my guy in Cali two months ago, he said that a LDR would be difficult. He told me he had no problem with fedelity and monogomy, but that LDRs were emotionally draining. That it was so hard to say goodbye not knowing when the next time you'd see each other would be. I just dropped him off at the airport, and I am so depressed now. Sleeping tonight is going to be hell without him next to me. How do people do this for long periods of time. He was in a relationship with a girl for over a year while he was stationed in Japan... it's only been two months and I've had to say goodbye 3 times already and each time it was harder and harder. What do you guys that are in LDR's do to keep you from going insane? I just want him to be here with me, to be able to go out and spend time together, to be at my parties with me... I'm trying to decide whether I want to sign another year lease with my roommate or not. Our lease is up in November but if I'm moving she wants to start looking now for a roommate. If I move in November, I would be moving away from my family, friends, and everything I've ever known for someone I've known 10 months. How will I know if he's really the one? If it's really worth uprooting everything just to see? Should I wait it out another year and go through another year of this hell of flying back and forth and saying goodbye? I am so confused, sad, depressed, lonley, overcome with emotions I just feel like crawling into bed and crying right now...

[shorty20]

the thing is I don't know when I'll get to see him again. He's got some sort of duty for the marines for the month of august, and he goes from there to Ohio. I've already taken two weeks off of work since february so I don't know how understanding my boss will be. I talk to him every day but I never know when it will be and I don't know how long it will be. Some days it's for an hour, others it's a short five minute convo ... it's getting really really hard. Some days I wonder if it's worth it... then I see him again and I fall in love all over again...

[southerngirl]

I met my husband online. You bring back memories! It had become like torture everytime we separated! He flew me up to visit him (641 miles) and even though I had never been on a plane before I came. It was to be a five day trip. He proposed to me and we were married not that long after. We didnt want to live separately anymore..

 

March 19th was two years married! Oh , I understand what your going through. If its meant to be it will work out. Remember, you only will live one time..

[shorty20]

my issue is most LDR's are based on a relationship that was built before the LDR... like a boyfriend that joins the military or something like that. Me and my guy are trying to build a relationship on a LDR... something that I think is much harder to do. Some days I think that he's the one for me, and other days I have doubts... I am just so confused and I can't stand missing him this much every day...

[sara_0562]

Hey

Im in the same situation your in right now. Im considering weather or not to go and be with my bf and find out if hes the one. I live in Canada and he lives in the United States. I think i have decided to move there with him. Do i kno if hes the one? No. But im willing to find out and i would rather find out then wonder for the rest of my life if i let the one im sopposed to be with go. Im 19 so im young and have lots of time to decide and figure things out. Your young aswell and i suggest you go for it. It will be tough leaving your friends and family but they will always be there for you and if things dont work out im sure they will welcome you home with open arm. It will definitly be an adventure and thats something im willing to do. Now you need to figure out if thats something you wanna do as well!

[shorty20]

no, my family won't understand. They didn't understand why I wasn't at the easter picnic with them this weekend when my guy was in town, so how would they understand why I'm moving so far away for a guy? My family is very judgmental and would never ever be supportive of me moving that far away. I know that if things go well I do want to be with him... I'm just not sure 10 months is long enough for me to decide that. My roommate is asking me NOW if she REALLY wants me to move out there right now... I mean, we talk about it... but I just don't know. I'm so confused. It's hard to start a relationship in an LDR. It's really hard on me with him being in the Marines and I don't know if he'll have time to talk, if his phone will get service.. when I'll get to see him again.. it's really emotionally draining just like he said it would be... I miss him so much already and I just don't know if all this hurt and saying goodbye is worth it....

[itsallgrand]

Question: He's in the marines, right?

 

So, if you were to go move to Cali, how often would he actually be home? Would he be stationed in new places often? Would you be expected to move with him or stay home and live that lifestyle?

 

It is a very big decision, and not easy.

 

Is there anything at all out in Cali for you besides him?

 

What goals do you have for yourself: university wise, career wise, friend wise, etc....and how would these be affected/delayed if you do move out there? If things were to go wrong..?

[sara_0562]

I know my family wont approve or really "let" me go. They wont understand they forget very quickly what its liek to be young and in love trying to find "the one." But i kno eventually over time they would forgive me and even if they never approve or understand what i did they will want me in there life and get over it. I cant stand being away from my bf! I kno how much it hurts and how hard saying goodbye is time after time. THats why i kno i cant do this much longer and need to be with him NOW! I cant imagine doing this for years! ITS WAY TO HARD!! You need to decide how much longer you can and are willing to have a LDR? If you can hang in there longer then sign a lease with you roommate. But if you cant see yourself being able to handle the pressures and emotion strain of a LDR much longer then go be with him. Trust your instincts and gut feelings.

[shorty20]

if I did move, it would be either in November of this year when our lease is up, or a year from november if I sign another lease. He's in the Marines but he got into a program where they let him go to college so he'll be stationed in Ohio for the next 4 yd know if it would work out and if I want to move with him at least... after that who knows, but by then I would know whether it's worth it to keep moving around with him. School wise I'm just going to community college right now, for administrative assistant. I'm already a secretary with 1.5 years of experience so i'm sure I could find another job out in Ohio being a secretary with my experience and everything and maybe go to a community college around there. My main fear is leaving my friends and family... my hometown.. and then realizing that he's not the person I thought he was. I would probably be livng with him, so it'd be real hard to go from not seeing each other at all and only being able to talk on the phone to living together...

[sara_0562]

WOW we really are in the same situation. I had to make the same decision on weather to sign a lease where i am or go live with him. Its a very scary thing because when i decided not to sign a lease i realized i had no where else to go but there with him and if it didn't work out i would be forced to come back here and live with my paretns until i got on my feet again. I will be leaving in 3 weeks to be with my bf and when we get in the littlest fight is scares me so much because everything is planned for me to go there and if we break up i would be screwed! Its a huge risk and you need to make sure your ready for it. Have you ever lived with a bf before? Cause thats also a huge step. The more i read what im saying and what your posting it seems like you should go. To me it sounds like your at a good point in your life to make this type of decision. You would be able to get a job there and he will be stationed in Cali for a while which will let you both get to kno eachother better. Like i said before i really believe that any family would be upset with this situation but would eventually get over it. They will miss you and will call you and want you to come home and visit soon enough. I guess you just need to make a decision...

[shorty20]

how long have you and your boyfriend been together? I dont' think 10 months is long enough for me to decide if I want to move to some strange place and live with this guy... I need more time than that. No I've never lived with a boyfriend and my parents would be furious if I ever did. They're very religious and always push their values and beliefs onto me. It's scary and I dont' think I can move out there in only 7 months. It's scary just thinking about it... and the more I think about it the more confused I get...

[sara_0562]

My bf and I have been together for 6 months. I have also never lived with any of my other bfs either. So this is huge. If you dont think 10months is enough time to decide if you wanna go there then its probably not! Maybe you coule sign another lease and wait and see where the relationship goes. If you decide that you wanna go be with him is it possible for you to get someone to take over your lease? Also, how does he feel about this? DOes he want you to come there and be with him?

[shorty20]

we've talked about it on a few occasions... he said he was joking, but it's the kind of joking where you get to say what you really want to say without beign taken seriously... he also paid for a hotel for us when I went to see him and came to see me... I don't think anyone would do that for someone they just "maybe" like. When I asked him before what he wanted from our relationship (this was the night before I left Cali) he said "I want you to follow me around the world" and then he laughed again... lol...

[sara_0562]

hmm well only you kno your bf and what he wants from your relationship. But with my bf its very direct he makes it clear everyday that he wants me to be there with him and tells me he cant wait till i live there. He talks about little things that we have never been able to do together. Like cook supper together and just relax and watch TV. When ever we are together it seems like were very busy doing things and seeing people.SO were really looking forward to just being "normal." I think you should talk seriously with him and find out what he really wants. Then you can go from there. Talk to him about the things your scared about and the dilemma that your having. He will hopefully be able to direct u in the right direction and you can go from there. RIght now you really need to find out what he wants without joking or laughing cause its serious now.

[annie24]

well - ohio is not too far away from nebraska.

 

what if you keep an eye out for last minute deals on expedia or hotwire. maybe there will be some cheap flights out to LA (or wherever he is) on a week's notice. maybe you can fly out friday, come back sunday night. Or, maybe you two can meet halfway somewhere, like vegas!

 

I'm not good at long distance. my first and only long distance relationship broke up pretty fast. but... I guess... things will happen the way they are meant to. Good luck!!! (((HUGS)))

[nikolean_2]

I know exactly how you're feeling. I met a guy in the Navy back in September, and this guy is perfect in every way. However, he's been gone for about 12 weeks. I haven't been able to see him or talk to him in so long and I can't help but wonder if he feels the same way or if he really might be the one. I found that while it's ok to worry, worrying yourself to death won't make things will just make you feel worse. Hang in there and know that if he truly cares about you he'll still love you no matter how far apart you are.

 

Nikolean

 

PS. You might want to talk to MetalGuitar, he's in the Air Force and it was comforting to hear his input on my relationship. I think he may be able to help you too!

[Shesa]

My advice to people... If you don't see the potential to marry him/her OR if you wont live in the same town soon (within 6 months)... don't do a LDR. As far as coping, stay as busy as possible and write letters to him when you can't communicate. You can either send the letters to him, keep them, or throw them away. I've been in several LDR and I've notice that sometimes when I am thinking I miss the person-- I'm just down and out period. Try not to depend on him for your happiness and try to think of the times you do get to see him as a special bonus.