just saw pics of my ex...

[bobo85]

Okay its been around one month since my gf and i broke up after 3 years of being together. I thought I was doing well recovering and i actually thought i was up to 75% healed.....but then i saw some pics of her and her new flame online and now i feel like crap. I feel like i'm back to 50% healed. Has anyone had this problem and wanna share how they dealth with this sort of thing? Any advice is appreciated.

[Chika]

lol exactly happened to me but as soon as i got over it they broke up.

 

Just get on with life, have a break....have a kitkat...

[Luscious_Soup]

Its extremely hard...I know. Try to stay away from the page, away from any memories that can spark bad emotions. At most try to continue on with your healing...I saw a picture of my ex's girlfriend and Im back to 0% healed when I was at like 80%. It sucks...But denying the idea of them is the only way to stop it. Out of sight, out of mind.

[annie24]

which is why I feel you shouldn't look at your ex's webpage until you are in a new relationship with someone else, and in love. definitely, out of sight, out of mind.

[bobo85]

i was doing so well...i mean i havent went on her webpage in like 2 weeks and i've kept NC for 18 days now...but then i had an urge to see what was going on with her life. ahhhhhhhh

[coollady1957]

Try to get rid of that urge to check out her page and to see what is going on.

I can understand your difficulty. Its always hard to keep NC and let it all go. But you will be better off not checking out stuff that is going to upset you and delay your healing process.

[AC874]

Same here. dude.

 

4 years and she;s with a new guy in 3 weeks.. pictures on myspace and stuff.

 

My friend called me to tell me that they are not there anymore.. so I wonder. :splat:

[byates5637]

Hey man - my 3 year relationship was ended about 2 months ago. Unlike you, my ex has not found anyone new and is not even looking. But i think your situation is better then mine.

 

My ex does not want a new boyfriend, and i have found myself still in her life. I am no where closer to getting her back, and i am still only like 10% healed.

 

Sometimes i wish she would find a new boyfriend because it would force me to move on and start the healing.

 

So maybe you should take this as a good sign, an inevitable setback. Now you can finish healing for real, because the worst has already happened.

[disruptors]

last night i also looked at pics of the ex. To make it worse I was in them with her, but i was so DRUNK, I didnt even know I took a pic with her the other day at bermuda shorts day. OMG i swore to myself never ever to log into her email anymore, she still hasnt changed her msn profile of us, our pics, her passwords cuz we knew all of them. I swore on my grave this morning that I would not CHECK stuff relating to her (eg.email,msn,talk to her friends about her)...we have to move on. Treat it like this, if you check know that its like you're going to GET HURT. FIGHT THE TEMPTATION and ADDICTION. Just like smokers need that cigarette, so do we need that satisfaction sometimes of knowing what our ex's are up to, but wait some smokers find a way to QUIT after many years, so why cant we as well?

[byates5637]

l Just like smokers need that cigarette, so do we need that satisfaction sometimes of knowing what our ex's are up to, but wait some smokers find a way to QUIT after many years, so why cant we as well?

 

Hey man - it was a good analogy but not exactly true.

 

I have smoked for 7 years. I was smoking 1.5 packs a day. I quit two weeks ago - and let me tell you - quitting smoking is very hard - but it is a hell of alot easier then getting over someone who you were in love with. I don't really want a cig right now - but i would do anything in the world to make my ex love me again.

[disruptors]

yeah i agree..I guess im so delusional right now I just want to make myself believe it'll be easy quitting this addiction after 3 years of being in love and really thinking that she is the one. A fact for sure though, sometimes life just isnt fair but then again times like this will only make us so much more appreciative and happy when life is good again, and Im trying to believe that those days will be coming soon.

[byates5637]

disruptors-

 

i'm with ya man. Same age. I also had a 3 year relationship.

I thought she was the one...and i still can't picture anyone else being more compatible with me then her. I'm still working on doing NC faithfully...i can do it for a while, but then i keep going back to her.

 

I have been through this once before with another girl. Same deal - we dated for 3 years - i thought she was the one - i thought i would never heal. But then i fell for my most recent ex and the girl of the past lost control over my feelings.

 

I keep trying to remind myself that the same thing will happen again eventually. And i hope for both of us the good days are not too far off.

[disruptors]

byates-our stories are so similar, I also had a 3 year relationship with another girl before my recent ex. That one was bad just like this one, but my current ex helped me get over the last one and of course we ended up falling in love, things were wonderful and now like we always ask ourselves, how can a person change their heart and themselves when they use to be the one's whispering in our ears "I don't know what I would do w/o you, I love you so much, please tell me you'll never leave me." But like I said sometimes life is unfair, and all we can do is accept it and live the life God gave us, because who said it was going to be easy.

[byates5637]

Wow that is similar. Sometimes i think having 2 back-to-back 3 year relationships makes healing even harder. It is kind of like a 6 year relationship ended because it has been that long since we have been alone.

 

But i try to look at it this way - How many 22 year olds can claim to have already been through 2 long term relationships? Not many. We are ahead of the game because we have so much experience for our age.

 

I plan on being single until i am comfortable being alone...and then trying to find a new girl. I don't want to jump into a new relationship where i am so scared of the girl leaving me because i still don't know how to be single.

[disruptors]

byates-you read my mind exactly...I actually haven't been single for 6 1/2 years, before my last 3 years and my last 3 years I went out with a girl for half a year. These past few weeks I also asked myself and told my friends the hardest part waking up right now is learning how to live and be happy w/o having anyone here for me, or just being SINGLE. I look at so many people that have never had bfs or gfs and are happy and it gives me hope that we can be like that too. Because I truly was blind in the past 6 years with my long term lovers, since I was never truly happy by myself. I am really starting to see that to have a healthy relationship you first and foremost need to love and be happy with yourself b4 you love someone else.