Why is it all so complicated!

[corvidae]

Well? Why eh? Sorry. I'm just frustrated and miserable, and the same problems that I had 5, 10 years ago seem to be the problems I have now. Which bothers me, because I always expected things to get easier as I got older. When I was 22 I really didn't expect to go the next five years without finding a girlfriend, I mean I'm not a big horrible monster, so why should I expect that? But then it happened, and now I'm 27 and still as (apparently) repulsive as ever. And, I might add, it's not as if there's some obvious factor about me I can change to make everything OK. If I didn't wash, well, someone could just point that out, I could wash and everything would be OK. But I'm sorry to say there is no obvious reason as to why I am permanently single. I have a PhD, I have a good job, I have friends, I am known for being witty and humorous (so I'm told), I am of average height, I work out and am lean and well built. I am (I like to think) nice. Sure I have problems and faults and I do stupid things sometimes, but doesn't everyone?

 

Perhaps it's something to do with my expectations. If someone was be attracted to me then I would expect them to say so, or at least to talk to me or something. Apparently, from what people say, this isn't how it works, and there's this whole complex system of how women give off signals and how it's the man's 'job' to then do some other stuff, and there're whole websites about what men want and what women want and scenarios and tricks men should do to 'get women' and....well, it goes on. I feel like a straightforward guy in a complicated world where everyone is playing a game only they know the rules to. I would like to ask the women of the world, collectively, what is up with you?

 

I don't expect to have never had a girlfriend in five years time, because, really, I can't see anything particularly wrong with me. But then, I wouldn't be all that surprised either.

[itsallgrand]

I don't get it either. Did you grow up in country? (I'm joking. Sort of. If you are from the country you'll understand.)

 

I dunno. I'm upfront. I'm a woman. I'm your age.

And I have troubles in this area too.

I can find people I am interested in, but things never seem to work out the way I would like.

 

You are a young man yet. It's spring. Maybe some of the spring-juice will increase your sucess this year. I'm rooting for ya anyhow, and that's worth something.

[RandomAdvisor]

If it's any consolation to you, from the description you gave, I'd want to bone you if I were a woman.

 

In all seriousness though, I don't know what you're doing wrong. You sound like you have a lot going for you. Care to describe any failed dating experiences you've recently had? Maybe that could shed some light on the situation.

 

Have you ever tried online dating? If you really want to find a GF it's worth a shot.

[CarterJonas]

 

Perhaps it's something to do with my expectations. If someone was be attracted to me then I would expect them to say so, or at least to talk to me or something.

 

Maybe that's where the problem lies. Usually, well mostly in my experience, the male has to do the approaching. As you say the girl will give off some sign of interest but it is the man who has to make the first move.

[hosswhispra]

I'll be 32 in June and I have not had a boyfriend since I was 25. That one only lasted a month. I've taken the initiative by 'asking men out' since I was 16. None of the men I "asked out" turned into boyfriends (none of them even said yes to a "date"). The only boyfriend I had asked me out. I think I've asked more men out than I've been asked out by men.......

 

I decided recently not to ask any more men out. I am taking a break from that angle. I want to see if anyone is interested in me enough now to take the 'leap' and ask me out I know what it's like to take the initiative and I really now want to be on the other side of the fence and see how that feels.

[fishrrshortae]

Gee, you sound great. Can I have you? O

[CluelessGuy321]

EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. (Minus having the PhD).

 

I've been doing all this reading on how to build attraction and it's a bit overwhelming you know?

 

There are some guys out there who can just generate an aura and have an easy time finding a partner. My co-worker has NEVER asked a girl out. They have always asked him out. He's just a happy-smiling Indian dude.

 

I think it's our position in life. We are a bit too well read, and I don't think we've been in the most opportune places to meet single women.

 

There are all types out there I think...but I'm starting to get a good foundation of women's psych though. Perhaps this will make it easier when I start mingling.

[corvidae]

Maybe some of the spring-juice will increase your sucess this year. I'm rooting for ya anyhow, and that's worth something.

 

Spring-juice you say? Sounds...interesting

 

EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. (Minus having the PhD).

 

I've been doing all this reading on how to build attraction and it's a bit overwhelming you know?

 

Exactly! Reading! What's that about? Dating is SO complicated that we have to study it like an academic subject. I mean really, that can't be right can it?

 

Have you ever tried online dating? If you really want to find a GF it's worth a shot.

 

Ha! I tried internet dating. That was a waste of time. No-one contacted me, and I found out later that women on the site get FLOODED with messages so you have to think of ever increasingly original/witty opening messages. Eventually it gets like a creative writing competition. Stuff that.

 

Thanks for the replies! I wish you all the best of luck.

[itsallgrand]

Yes, let the spring-juice course through your veins.

 

I'm actually trying to get accross a serious message, 'ere.

You come accross as a very nice, decent man. Intelligent, educated, and with a level head. You're good looking.

 

I'm here giving ya a nudge to do something a little crazy. Let the primal urges do their thing, take some risks you wouldn't normally, push your boundaries. It's worth a try , right? At the very least you could look back and go 'Whoa. That was a really amazing experience. I'm glad I tried that!"

 

Don't worry about doing anything right for a chunk of time.

Little thought, lots of action.

 

Take care.

[corvidae]

That's good advice. I like that. Give yourself permission to be 'stupid' or to at least not worry about being 'right'. Hmmm...that's so crazy it might just work! Any practical on how to achieve this?

[chicagoland]

Yeah, I agree to corvidae, the women these days are just difficult to figure out. I am now 24 and this problem has plagued me for years. I am not ugly, have good manners, do screw up and not afraid of anything/anyone. I would see 14 yr boys with gf left and right when i was in junior high...hoped the problem would go away when i went to high school...then hoped again in college..then hoped when i began my career as a newspaper editor but still no sign of luck...I do get frustrated, jealous when I see guys especially younger than me getting with some hottie but who wouldn't....I never understood why a guy like me would have to wait endlessly when there are millions of fish in the sea..none with me. Trying to ask a girl out is difficult but how do you randomly appproach a girl...what can you say other than "Hi how are you?? They don't even know you...