Women: Time to build your flirting skills.

[steelwool]

You women are so subtle with letting us guys know you're interested. Why? Why are you wearing dark shades if you're trying to get our attention? We can't see your eyes. for all we know you could be looking at the ground. I always say don't give me a small hint, don't give me a big hint. Just tell me. Because if you don't I'll think you just don't want whatever it is that bad. I mean most of you can't ever say hi. Just being pretty ain't enough anymore.

[itsallgrand]

Haven't ya ever met an assertive woman? sheesh, I keep seeing posts like this.

 

Maybe you aren't paying attention where ya need to be. If being pretty ain't enough for ya', only flirt with the women that give equally.

 

Or would you prefer if one grabbed ya by the pants and tells ya point blank what to do?

'Cause there's aggressive girls too.

 

 

[robowarrior]

Girls don't realise they need to ask a guy out direct in their face, don't blame em for that. They think we understand their subtle moves, but reality is that guys don't understand it.

[itsallgrand]

Well some girls are like that. I'm just saying not all are.

 

Smart women catch on pretty early that men like to hear things direct.

Girls are still learning!

[heythere1234]

My attraction to him would be affected alot by his to me. If you don't want me enough to go for it, then I'm not interested, not that I'm holding back, just plain not interested.

[indespair]

you guys are so frustrating. the moment a woman lets you know DIRECTLY how she feels, shes interested, there's connection etc., you go running for the hills. It's all about the chase for you, supposedly right?

[corvidae]

Some myths about men discussed:

1. We get turned off by women showing interest.

 

NOT TRUE. If a woman shows interest and we 'run for the hills' it's because we were never interested to begin with, not because we were interested and have now been put off. I can't emphasise that enough. Most men LOVE it when women make some effort. It's amazing that in this day and age women still don't realise that. The idea that men are turned off by women being confident is a myth, it has been shown to be a myth time and time again. SOME men might not like it, but many many do, and you can't have a general rule for all men.

 

Imagine if men took that attitude...that every time a women said 'no' they put the reason down to them being too forward! Of course men don't do that. Men realise that only by making a move do they find out if the woman is interested or not. Women must realise that if they are going to make the first move then they will sometimes be rejected, but that shouldn't make them give up straight away.

 

2. It's all about the chase.

 

No it isn't. Men, like women, have feelings. Shocking to hear I know, but the fact is that many men don't have the confidence (arrogance?) to 'chase'. Once again, I can't emphasise this enough, to CHASE someone they have to be RUNNING AWAY (otherwise it's not a chase, yes?), and to go after someone when they are running away from you takes a special kind of hard-headed, thick-skinned, big fat ego that SOME men have. But not many. Most men have a healthy dose of self-awareness.

[itsallgrand]

That's a good post Corvidae.

 

I used to enjoy being chased, I did that with my first serious relationship. I can now look back and see "Oh my god I was such a princess. O! Fair prince! Rescue me from the dark tower!"

I think the fairy tales and cultural conditioning got to me, and I surely was not the first or only one.

Women are conditioned differently. It's a fact.

 

The nice thing about being an adult is being able to consciously choose our behavior with a little bit of experience and wisdom in us. We can pull away from the misconceptions we were taught and learn for ourselves what works and what doesn't.

[DN]

This post should be required reading for both females and males about to start dating. And a refresher every year.

[Prenkle]

There are complaints that women are too subtle, making guys confused.

 

Can anyone give examples of this? When was a woman subtle to the point of misleading you about her interest, but then you later find out that she actually really likes you?

[heythere1234]

you guys are so frustrating. the moment a woman lets you know DIRECTLY how she feels, shes interested, there's connection etc., you go running for the hills. It's all about the chase for you, supposedly right?

 

I'd have to agree with that.

[heythere1234]

If a woman shows interest and we 'run for the hills' it's because we were never interested to begin with, not because we were interested and have now been put off. I can't emphasise that enough.

 

That is exactly what it's like for women. If we turn you down, its because we're not interested. But, if you never ask, then you'll never know.

[heythere1234]

to CHASE someone they have to be RUNNING AWAY (otherwise it's not a chase, yes?)

 

No. In the context that we are discussing here, it is not about a female literally physically running away, and the man literally running after her against her wishes. It is about him making the first moves, and not being too sure whether he will be successful.

[steelwool]

No. In the context that we are discussing here, it is not about a female literally physically running away, and the man literally running after her against her wishes. It is about him making the first moves, and not being too sure whether he will be successful.

 

That's the main problem. Men WANT to know that if they ask women out their success rate will be high(especially shy men). Playing "guess what I'm thinking" games will keep you single. That "men are supposed to make the first move" statement is tired. You'll continue to date the jerks who don't care about the mindgames/trouble just as long as they score. Then they're gone. Here's something most women don't know: Some Men cheat because women are too passive. Men think they can have their cake and eat it too. I mean she's not going to go right out and find someone else now is she? Passive is boring. Men don't like boring/predictable. We want to be persued and kept on our toes just as much as women. We want a women to reciprocate. It lets us know they want to be with us just as much as we want to be with them(no phone calls?). I mean some women think just being pretty and walking by a guy is enough. Like he's supposed to magically snatch you(a stranger) off your feet. Taking all the throwing/playing with the hair, turning the head sideways and bumping into them as signs of interest is just asking for trouble. Those subtle hints do nothing, but confuse and can cause feelings to get hurt. Women think they don't have to do anything except analyze a guy like he's running for president and trying to get their vote. How about actually using your tongue for a change? You need help with what to say just ask me. Remember this though: Your success rate in asking a guy out will be ALOT higher than what any man can do.

[heythere1234]

Well, playing the waiting for hordes of women to ask me out game will more likely keep you single.

[thyroxine]

That's the main problem. Men WANT to know that if they ask women out their success rate will be high(especially shy men).

 

Women want this security too. I think it's a little unfair to put all of it on the woman. My guy friends lately have been getting on tangents of how women should ask men out because it's easier for them (the guys.) What about the women? I think it's a bit of a myth that you think it's easier for us girls to ask you guys out!

[heythere1234]

I'm just not naturally gonna be attracted to someone who is submissive in terms of who persues whom. It's irrelevant to me and my libido whether it's politically correct or not. It just would turn me off to try to be attracted to a guy who didn't ask me out. So good luck with that.

[steelwool]

I'm not saying ask him out. I'm saying make it OBVIOUS that you want him to. Saying "hi" with a smile and some eye-contact(take those shades off) would help. Be clever with yours.

[orangecounty]

Not all woman are like that. But the ones who are, like myself are fearing the very thing you men fear, rejection. I have such a tough time completely letting lose and showing someone that I truly am interested in them because I'm afraid he won't like me back. I think that's what it honestly comes down to, no matter how attractive the girl is.

[heythere1234]

Well I can speak for my self and reiterate again- it's NOT about fear of rejection. It's about not being attracted to men who are afraid to approach me.

[steelwool]

Have you seen the new movie A.T.L.? I would like all of you to check it out. The women in the movie show how to get a guy's attention. guys aren't harsh when they reject a person. Women are harsh. They say very nasty things. Your chances for success are much higher because of the male ego. A confident woman is vey attractive. she knows what she wants and doesn't care what others think. The mindgames don't even come into play. Fear holds us back from doing the things we want.

[heythere1234]

I just act on what's natural. Maybe its you who's playing mind games.

[itsallgrand]

I want to say something to all the men who b*tch and moan about women not being assertive enough:

 

Is it possible that you actually want to kick back and do none of the work?

 

Before anyone gets defensive, hear me out please.

I have played enough games to know that there are all kinds in this world.

Some men like...nay, only respond to..an aggressive, cocky woman.

 

These guys are like the girls they moan about. Truth is, they enjoy being passive. 'Cause then, well, they can have someone chasing them.

 

I've played the princess, and I've played the in-your-face-demanding role.

 

Truth is, neither way attracts the kind of partner I want. Passivity brings BigEgos, Aggression brings Weaklings.

 

Just think about. Men and woman are human beings. Before turning the finger to the opposite sex.....consider how you are relating to the world. Are you being yourself or are you playing out some tired role that has been drilled in your head since you were a babe?

 

Thanks. I mean no offence. I just wanted to share that.

[corvidae]

Yes, I realise there is no actual physical chase, I was speaking metaphorically. To chase or pursue implies the closing of distance (be it physical or emotional), whilst to be pursued implies you are maintaining that distance. It is very one sided with all the power being one person's (the woman's usually) hand.

 

Of course women like this, they have men approach them and take their pick while as men bear all the rejection. Of course you like that, and of course you argue with anyone who proposes to change things. Heck, I wouldn't give up a sweet deal without a fight.

 

But it doesn't have to be all or nothing. It's a sliding scale. Women can make some effort without having to undergo a complete role reversal.

 

Itsallgrand makes some good points. I would say that women are surprisingly unempathic in this regard, in that they don't seem to care about the guys feelings in the matter. All they want is to 'test' the man.

 

Lastly, another myth: that STRONG men approach women, WEAK men are passive. Not so. When you make all the effort you present yourself to another and allow them to make their decision. I, for one, have too much self-respect to do this. Most of the men I know who chase women make fools of themselves to do so, and even if they are successful, the price of self-respect is too dear. There's nothing evenly remotely weak or passive about me; I pride myself on my strength of character. But my indignation and sense of fairness makes me angry that am 'expected' to do all the work. I never chose that.

[steelwool]

Yes it's all about reciprocation. Are men the only ones that want to get closer to women? Do women even want to be involved in what's going on here? We do all the asking, calling, advertising of ourselves, trying to find out your interest and the setting up of dates. Women won't call, won't make plans on their own, won't do anything but pick and choose(sometimes in the ugliest ways). Us men have to go through alot only find out she's just being friendly. No one's asking you to jump on them. A man just wants to know a women shares the same feelings they do. Subtle hints/signs and lack of reciprocation only sends mix signals.

 

Strong men chase after women? Only fools and desperate people will go for the cat & mouse nonsense. Women avoid saying something so simple as "hi", flip it around into a guessing game. Weak men put up with that. If a man makes the first move it's means he doesn't care how he looks just long as he's successful. It's a game of russian roulette and your self-respect is on the line to get shot down.

 

Women just make a bunch of excuses for not trying harder. The reality is: You're scared and want to maintain ALL control.