Should I call him?

[HeckaBekah]

There is the guy I liked who I thought really liked me, but his actions led me to believe he was kind of a player. During spring break we hung out and kissed each other. He said he really liked me, hugged me and held my hand. I thought he was serious about getting to know me. Well after break he didn't call me that much and I figured I would just wait and not make any more effort. He started to call me more, but he had a chance to see me on campus but didn't take the opportunity! Then one day I found out (courtesy of My Space) that he hung out with another girl and was saying the same things to her as he did to me like "you're awesome", "you make me laugh" and saying that he wasn't going to be that busy the next week and that they should hang out again. I was furious and deleted him and haven't talked to him since (it has been over a week). The only time was when I was walking by and he jokingly poked my stomach, smiled and said "hi!". I just looked at him with a blank face and then said "hi", but I wasn't very ethusiastic.

 

Now I'm wondering if I should talk to him and see if we can be friends. I will be seeing him fairly often since his fraternity hangs out with my sorority. Another part of me thinks that I should let things go as they are. I don't want things to be awkward and I'm sure it'll be different over time, I'm just not sure how exactly to handle the situation right now. Any advice?

[LostInMyThoughts]

Well if you and him weren't exclusive, I dont see anything wrong with him flattering someone else. Especially if he wasn't doing it at the same time he was saying those things to you.

 

You can't expect a person to wait around for ever.

 

That said, I think you should let this one go, and if you see him make the effort to be friendly. Unless you really want to be his friend, then by all means call him, and tell him that.

[HeckaBekah]

True, we weren't exclusive and I wanted to be friends and see where it would lead, but to my understanding if you really like someone then you make a lot of effort to get to know them. This all happened in a matter of a couple of weeks (him saying he really liked me and then him saying the same things too another girl). Why would he be so eager to hang out with another girl after he told me he really liked me? It just doesn't add up all the way.

[tylercdurden2004]

True, we weren't exclusive and I wanted to be friends and see where it would lead, but to my understanding if you really like someone then you make a lot of effort to get to know them. This all happened in a matter of a couple of weeks (him saying he really liked me and then him saying the same things too another girl). Why would he be so eager to hang out with another girl after he told me he really liked me? It just doesn't add up all the way.

 

Its clear he just doesnt fancy you enough to make the effort.

[LostInMyThoughts]

True, we weren't exclusive and I wanted to be friends and see where it would lead, but to my understanding if you really like someone then you make a lot of effort to get to know them. This all happened in a matter of a couple of weeks (him saying he really liked me and then him saying the same things too another girl). Why would he be so eager to hang out with another girl after he told me he really liked me? It just doesn't add up all the way.

It does suck, that you were interested in getting to know him better and it didn't work out.

 

He could be a player; your gut insticts were probably right on that account.

 

However, I don't put all my eggs in one basket either. Dating, getting to know people, at least for me, doesn't mean exclusivity. Right now I have a few different girls that I'm talking to, and trying to get to know better. Of course I would not lie about my involvement with someone else (that would make me a player...)

 

To me, things like "you're awesome" and "you make me laugh" are genuine praises, but not something that I would say exclusively to one person. Unlike say "I love you forever, you're the only one for me, I want you to have my babies, and cook and clean for me..."

 

As for why he didn't make the effort, maybe something didn't click with him, or he misread a subtle signal from you, or was waiting for you to make the next move.

 

I would call him if you are eager to be his friend; otherwise, I'd move on. And key his car.

[HeckaBekah]

So I shouldn't make any effort right...??? I think it should be that way in order for me to have self-respect.

 

Well if I do see him I will be friendly. I don't have it in me to hold grudges! I think eventually we'll become friends again, but that's it if he's going to act this way! No kissing or anything like that! It's just so odd because he really did seem to be interested, but I figure that since he's in a fraternity, which means he meets a bunch of girls he doesn't want anything serious.

 

But his loss...lol. I sure he'll eventually see what he's missing out on! But I guess it's good for me because I won't be wasting my time on someone who isn't making effort when even his frat friends seem to be attracted to me! Oh well!

[tylercdurden2004]

So I shouldn't make any effort right...??? I think it should be that way in order for me to have self-respect.

 

Well if I do see him I will be friendly. I don't have it in me to hold grudges! I think eventually we'll become friends again, but that's it if he's going to act this way! No kissing or anything like that! It's just so odd because he really did seem to be interested, but I figure that since he's in a fraternity, which means he meets a bunch of girls he doesn't want anything serious.

 

But his loss...lol. I sure he'll eventually see what he's missing out on! But I guess it's good for me because I won't be wasting my time on someone who isn't making effort when even his frat friends seem to be attracted to me! Oh well!

 

Ask yourself: Do you really want to be friends wiht a player, someone who tried to take you for a ride and play you as a fool?

 

Didnt think so. Move on dont worry about his friendship which will probably be as real as his "love" for you.

[LostInMyThoughts]

So I shouldn't make any effort right...??? I think it should be that way in order for me to have self-respect.

 

Yep!

 

Well if I do see him I will be friendly. I don't have it in me to hold grudges! I think eventually we'll become friends again, but that's it if he's going to act this way! No kissing or anything like that!

 

Well never say never. He *could* end up being the love of your life. He just has to prove it first

 

It's just so odd because he really did seem to be interested, but I figure that since he's in a fraternity, which means he meets a bunch of girls he doesn't want anything serious.

 

I dunno, plenty of frats are nothing but sausage parties.

 

But his loss...lol. I sure he'll eventually see what he's missing out on! But I guess it's good for me because I won't be wasting my time on someone who isn't making effort when even his frat friends seem to be attracted to me! Oh well!

 

Thats the spirit! It is his loss!!

[HeckaBekah]

Okay, okay...so I gotta say that I think my gut feeling is probably right. But there's no hard feelings anymore since I distanced myself even further from him.

 

Maybe when he found out I deleted him he didn't know how to react. I wouldn't either but I still would still ask if anything was wrong. I thought he knew that I wanted to get to know him better since after spring break I asked him if he wanted to hang out a couple of times. So after I tried for awhile I figured it wasn't worth it, but I also think that there's no harm in being friends.

 

I'm at the point where I don't really care about dating anymore. Guys make more effort when all I do is flirt and don't try really hard to get to know them. I feel more desirable that way and also I maintain friendships with guys instead having an awkwardness between a me and a guy like in this particular situation.

[HeckaBekah]

Maybe I should define "friends". What I mean by that is saying "hi" and having a casual conversation at some kind of fraternity/sorority event and that's basically it! No calling, no asking if he wants to hang out. And it's sad enough that if I take that route he'll probably make more effort. But since he handled the situation this way, most likely he's not mature enough for the type of relationship I'm looking for. A guy's got to make WAY more effort!

[tylercdurden2004]

Maybe I should define "friends". What I mean by that is saying "hi" and having a casual conversation at some kind of fraternity/sorority event and that's basically it! No calling, no asking if he wants to hang out. And it's sad enough that if I take that route he'll probably make more effort. But since he handled the situation this way, most likely he's not mature enough for the type of relationship I'm looking for. A guy's got to make WAY more effort!

 

Yeah I would call that "friendly" not friends. Totally you dont have to be a "B" to him. Just be cordial and polite.

[Hunny1607307342]

I've only read like 2 or the 3 of the replies given but I'm sorry just because you werent EXCLUSIVE!!! That does not justify his actions. You guys were kissing and hugging, just because there were no words said, doesn't mean you guys didn't have something, and I can't believe he CAN just let that go with NO WORDS SAID! He reminds me of a guy I know. Player player PLAYER UGH the thought of him makes me feel SICK how that guy PLAYED WITH MY HEAD for HOW MANY MONTHS. I suggest you just act like you dont care about him. Why would you want to be friends with him? I understand you dont want awkardness, so just be polite but don't necessarily be FRIENDLY. He doesn't deserve a friend you have every right to be mad. Forget him you deserve a guy who genuinely likes you and would climb a mountain for you, not this fake * * * * *.

[HeckaBekah]

Well he called on Monday to ask what was wrong because my reaction to him saying "hi" was rude. So I told him that I did like him and he said the same thing to me, but I told him that I was upset because I tried to hang out and then figured that he didn't want to get to know me better. Of course he said he was busy and then I said that I'm not expecting much and I don't have to hang out with the person all the time, but guys make more effort to get to know me when they really do like me. I said we'll be friends, but I didn't suggest hanging out and I'm not going to.

 

I saw him on campus today and said "hi" and he jokingly pointed out that I added him back as a friend now on My Space. He asked if I was going to an event that his frat is putting on and I said it depends 'cause I have dance practice tonight and I don't know if I'll be too tired. I didn't sound very enthusiastic about the event, but I was friendly nonetheless. After the conversation I felt bad a little bit for being angry at him and was thinking about going tonight, but then I thought that I shouldn't get mad at myself for what I did...I dunno. I still think in the back of my mind that he would have made more effort get to know me better if he truly liked me.

[tylercdurden2004]

So whats your point? Seriously?