My boyfriend and his sister: I find them unusual...

[LittleLisa]

Mainly I just want to know if it's me who thinks my boyfriend of 26 months and his sister have a strangely unusual realtionship. I will list everything that I can think of (starting from the minor points):

 

1) She regularly uses his toothbrush-which doesn't seem to bother him but I find this a bit disgusting.

2) She's always askign him if he thinks shes 'fit' or 'sexy.' This I find a bit absurd...she also walks past his room naked when she knows we're inthere sometimes stopping at the door and just staring in which I find a tad creepy.

3) She asks him to sleep not only in her room with her but in her bed WHILST she is naked. Might I add my boyfriend doesn't do this.

4) She is 25 and he is 19.

5) She lives at home with her dad, his girlfriend and my boyfriend (her brother). His Dad and partner are goign away for an evening and she knew that my boyfriend was meant to stay at my place but she begged him to not go and to stay with her because she doesn't want to be left alone even though she is 25, and when she stays away from home she's fine and has been on other occasions too.

6)She steals my clothes and has recently tried to look like me gettign the same haircut, wearing the same clothes (well the ones she hasn't stolen) and she's even started wearing my underwear (stolen too).

7) When me and my boyfriend try to sit together she has to sit on the end and won't let us talk privately or if we're in his room she invites herself in without even speakign ot us just sitting there.

8) When she does go outside of the home in a typical evening she will call him at least 3 times about absolutely nothing, when she's seen him all day previously.

 

I've explained to my boyfriend that I think that the above is a bit odd and that he should chat to her about it asking her not to do it but he says 'it's just the way she is' and 'is it not normal then?'

 

I have said that of all the sibling relationships I know none are like that, but he thinks it is just me being paranoid.

 

What does everyone else think? I'm finding the rellationship a bit difficult/ frustrating and have not been rude or out of order to her or anything, but I regret to say that I am immensely starting to dislike her and question my otherwise fantastic relationship with my boyfriend.

 

Am I paranoid or is she/the way they act odd? What should I do? Please help Lisa x x x

[annie24]

erm.....

 

Yeah, it sounds like she has a crush on him. I don't know why he is acting so oblivious.

 

ewwww..... I think you should tell your boyfriend that you feel a lot of her behavior is really crossing the line for normal brother/sister behavior and that it seems she has a crush on him.

 

I would try to not hang out with her around. I don't know how you will do that.

 

good luck

[TheLegend]

Yeah I think thats a little odd.. She seems like she's REALLY jealous. Did you tell about your concerns to your boyfriend? Are they step brother/sister?

[xmrth]

I really hope she's not blood related. I can understand maybe a closeness in the relationship you'd like to have that they do, but that really is way too far.

 

I'd call her on it, honestly. And say how disgusting that is they are brother and sister. But see, your boyfriend could get upset because it's his sister. Could be different if not blood related and he's not protective of her.

[RayKay]

Um....yeah this is really odd behaviour. I am going to guess it's also not recent, which might explain why he seems rather oblivious.

 

I'd be pretty um..creeped out and turned off myself.

 

The clothes stealing thing from you is also really not only weird - but wrong! I would call her on that!

 

I don't know, but this is creepy, not sure I could stand to be around that anymore honestly, either the guy has to move out, or it's maybe time to move on - there might be bigger issues there then you even want to know of....normally if a sister asks creepy things and does things like that, a brother would tell her to flip off basically! The fact he thinks it is kinda normal is very unsettling. My brother or sister might ask if a shirt looks good on them, but they don't ask if they look 'fit or sexy' - ew.

 

I am not sure, but it is highly possible she is a victim of abuse from another family member, or close family friend, at least as a child, as these overly promiscous, need for approval about her body/etc, and strange behaviours often signal something like that.

[Mrocza]

Yah, that's a bit odd and I hope it's not blood relations either.

 

Have you confronted her about your stolen clothes and such? It may cause a blow out, but atleast she will know you mean business.

 

And tell him you're not paranoid, you find it odd. He should be able to respect the fact that you are uncomfortable. Some families are very open with another, but this is not normal.

[RandomAdvisor]

I also think her behavior is strange. She sounds insecure and clingy with him. Convincing your boyfriend that this behavior is not normal is probably the first step in dealing with this. Showing him this thread with a chorus of objective third parties saying it's weird might do that.

[Boricua7]

Is she his full sister or step sister or what? It sounds like she has a crush on him or something. This is extremely strange behavior. I mean, he needs to know that this is not normal. You have told him but maybe he needs to read what other people think or something. I don't know how you handle it. I would be so uncomfortable if I were you.

[Caterina]

Thats pretty damn disgusting.

[LittleLisa]

Yeah they are blood related fully. I have asked her ploutely if she had stolen my stuff and she point blankly denied it and then wore it abotu an hour later. Which my boyfriend noticed and confronted her about. When she asks the comments about 'am I fit/ sexy' He always says 'I'm your brother ask your boyfriend, which is another reason why I find her behaviour odd especiallys eeing as she has a boyfriend who has commented to her and asked my opinion of the way she is wiht him being odd.

 

I have shown my boyfriend this post and he accepts that what she does and his refusal to confront her is wrong BUT he says that he can'y say anythign because his parents will accuse him of being harsh and out of order.

 

She is clingy and insecure and she uses anorexia to shelter behind but I think that is no excuse foe the above beahviour (especially seeing as she was actually anorexic 10 years ago and hasn't showed any signs off suffering from it since).

 

My boyfriend will be going university in September and we will be living together then and because of his parents reactions, he htinks its bets to put up and shut up to then, Which I disagree with as I want it sorted before he goes sothat she doesn't do it.

 

I've suggested she seeks help...which she accuses me of being jealous of her when I'm hoenstly not. I don't want to hate her but I'm finding it hard

[RandomAdvisor]

I have shown my boyfriend this post and he accepts that what she does and his refusal to confront her is wrong BUT he says that he can'y say anythign because his parents will accuse him of being harsh and out of order.

 

 

Not true. There is a right and wrong way to do everything. He doesn't have to tell her not to do these things in a mean and offensive way. He should be polite but firm. She needs to understand that she has to respect your personal property (clothes) and the time you two spend together as a couple privately.

 

The whole anorexia thing sounds like emotional blackmail to me. She sounds manipulative.

 

Letting this slide until September sounds like an idea, but she is his sister. She's going to be around for the rest of his life. Who's to say she doesn't start calling him frequently when he moves away?

 

Something is definitly going on here and I'm not surprised her boyfrien has noticed as well. I think you're right, she does need some sort of counseling.

 

I wouldn't put up with this if I were you. Your boyfriend needs to stand up for you and your relationship. Yes, she is his sister. But that doesn't change the fact that she is way out of line.

[LittleLisa]

Thanks to everyone's responses my boyfriend asmits that he genuinely felt all that everyone above was sayign (including me) was true but he just didn't want to admit it.

 

We've decided to call everyoone involved together in a discussion to see if we can get all points of view accross, I am fine with this as I'm going to use the above to support me.

 

I don't want my boyfriend to 'disown' his sister but he says if she doesn't stop the above and doesn't accept me (aparently she's been slagging me off behind my back which I didn't know and he insists he stuck up for me) then as a drastic measure he may have to.

 

I'm glad it wasn't be as after being told repeatedly that I'm over-exaggerating/being paranoid and having come up with an agreed list between us that I could post and everyone agreeing with me I'm not questioning my personal beliefs anymore.

 

I hope she does get help and that this will stop. My boyfriend and I have agreed a united front.

 

Many Thanks again hopefully I can help people with their problems in turn and I will let everoen know what happens after the 'meeting' and if it does get sorted.

 

Lisa x x x

[annie24]

That is good - I am glad that you two are a united front.

 

I don't know what I would do in your situation. If the sister's behavior continued, and the boyfriend refused to do something about it, I would probably break up with the boyfriend. Ug.... who needs that kind of drama and insanity?

 

Well, I am glad you two are going to work things out. His sister definitely has some issues, talking to a therapist would probably be a good start.

 

I read a similar situation as this one in Dear Prudence at link removed. It was about a 6 year old girl who was in love with her 25ish uncle. The girlfriend of the uncle was writing in to figure out what to do.

 

But, this situation is different as the sister is a legal adult. She probably has a lot of issues, also having to do with her self-image and anorexia. definitely, if someone can convince her to go to a therapist, that would be the best. That, along with the stealing of your clothes and her actions with her brother.... it sounds to me that she is really mentally unwell.

[radiohead79]

I think she is being abundantly overprotective of her brother. I don't know what her reasoning is. It could be some or all of the following:

 

1-- They got incestual when they were young? Which will screw everything up.

2-- She doesn't approve of you. Could be some underlying personal issues between you and his sis not talked about in a rational manner? Ex; She just doesn't like you with her bro, she thinks he can do better? And she is putting on a big freaky show to get you to leave out of his and her life?

3-- Perhaps her bro is her favorite sibling and she feels as though she is losing and/or has lost his brotherly love/attention towards her and wants all of it back and being selfish?

4--She is just a crazy friggen * * * * * and constantly needs attention like the attention * * * * * she is?

[Tigris]

I agree with the others that this is weird!

 

Ask your bf to put a lock on his bedroom door. One that locks with a key so she can't get in when you're not there. If his parents say no to this is it possible that he could move in with your parents?

 

I hope the meeting solves the problem.

 

Good luck

[novaseeker]

4--She is just a crazy friggen * * * * * and constantly needs attention like the attention * * * * * she is?

 

Well, in al seriousness, she could have histrionic personality disorder, if she is THAT promiscuous and approval seeking. It could be that her brother is a source of her attention fix, and his relationship with the OP is thereforeeee threatening because it will siphon attention away from her and towards the OP.

[miracle29]

Everything this sister is doing is just not normal.

I was ok until the "Nudity and changing her image to fit yours" came in to play.

I can tell you hands down, she wants to be with him, which is sick and twisted. I also agree with the poster who said "perhaps their relationship in the past might have crossed into the incestial pool". I don't think he'd ever admit this, due to the nature of this offense and then he'd think you thought he was sick, when in reality...something much deeper may be to blame.

 

Another thing i'd like to point out, is that perhaps the parents could also be to blame. Sometimes incestial things happen due to something the parents have done. Look for the fathers relationship with the daughter. Is he "abnormaly" affectionate? Do you notice anything strange there? How does she act around the father. Do the parents perceive her actions as "normal"?

 

She may have been molested by the father or someone else in the family and thinks that lusting after her brother is normal.

 

The fact that she isnt even trying to hide it...just further proves my point that she doesnt know what "normal" is.

 

Be careful with the, because if she is as delusional as she seems, she may try to hurt you. Be careful and don't forget you are dealing with someone who may or may not be dealing with a full deck of cards. She may also lash out and try to hurt her brother. Cases have shown, that unstable individuals, lose sight of reality and will hurt or try to remove anything in their way. So first off protect yourself.

 

I would suggest therapy for him. She is not your project and she wouldnt except your help if you offered it to her with money tied to it, don't forget you are in her mind, treading on "HER" territory. But he definitely needs to seek some time of counseling.

 

Good luck with this.

 

If you think its bad now, just imagine what will happen if he talks about marriage. She may even try to lie on you and claim that you are cheating or more nonsense. Re-evaluate things and make sure you even want to be in a relationship like this. But no doubt in my mind, all clues point to "WRONG".

[miracle29]

P.S. I hate to sound so pesimistic, but I am afraid that this "meeting" will only stir up more trouble. See you're having this meeting, as if you're dealing with a "Stable, Normal" individual. But based on her history, she will only be angry at you "the intruder" and probably become even more evil". Especially if she knows she's getting under your skin. Because now she knows YOU know what she's really all about. She will just hide it more, but statistics show, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks". I hope i'm wrong...

[annie24]

yes, I do agree with miracle. Lisa, I think you should let your boyfriend handle the "meeting." Honestly, I don't think it's about YOU so much as it is about her. If you weren't in the picture, I'm sure the sister would be doing this to any other girl your man was dating. Do you see what I mean? She would be threatened by any girl her brother was dating.

 

I think your boyfriend needs to lay down the law. If things don't work out between you and him, I'm sure that his next girlfriend would have the same concerns and issues with the sister. I think you should be supportive of your boyfriend and help him emotionally, but I don't know how much of the confronting you should do.

[Boricua7]

Wow. She does need help. It is especially disturbing that she exhibits this kind of behavior when she has a boyfriend and without her brother supporting it. Have you talked to her boyfriend at all? I find it nasty that she is being this way with a blood relative let alone a sibling.

 

Try to understand your boyfriend. No, it's not the best thing to do but he is not wrong in putting up and shutting up. The last thing he wants is problems and although this is something you are finding hard to deal with, imagine how much harder things could be if he started fighting with his parents. There are ways of going about saying things to his sister and parents that might be better than just saying "[name of sister] is sick! Tell her to leave us alone!"

 

Your bf is dealing with a mentally sick sister. Not only is she acting this way but she is anorexic. She obviously has problems. No, it's not an excuse but with people like her who are mentally unstable you have to be careful. She is also a compulsive liar, manipulative and a cleptomaniac. If anything your boyfriend should be willing to stand up and say "Hey, respect my girlfriend's stuff and stop taking things from her". I wouldn't be surprised if there was more to this than the eye can see.

 

You are going to university soon so everything will be fine. Are you going to the same university as his sister?

[Sexychiick16]

Yikes, i smell Incest!

 

its just weird that she is naked around him, for one thing...she is 27 and he is 19...hmmm

 

maybe they are just one of those cooky families...but if not then its weird and id be a bit concerned as welll...

 

Ummm who knows..

 

What do you want to do about this, is this worth breaking up about?

Or can you deal with her weird ways...

 

Hopefully you wont be going on any sourtof Jerry Springer episode anytime soon...

 

If his family is accusing yall of being harsh, I find that reason for all of yall, his family, him and you to have a talk together...So you can get down to her REAL problem....

[TheLegend]

what's a cooky family?

[Sexychiick16]

cooky or coo koo is another wordy for crazy...out of the normal state...

 

Umm yeah, thats all lol

[TheLegend]

"maybe they are just one of those cooky families...but if not then its weird and id be a bit concerned as welll..."

 

lol, so you're saying maybe they're out of the normal state but if not then they're weird? isn't it the same thing lol k nm that was way out of the subject

[Sexychiick16]

WoW...lets just call my post out lol...

 

Umm Well all families have some degree of weirdness, some more than others...

 

thats all I was saying..

 

I just think his family is way out of the more than others category!