I left Him

[Beautifulgirl]

I just want a little advice on the best way to handle my situation.

 

Earlier this week i told my boyfriend of 5 years that I couldn't handle staying in the relationship anymore - there are alot of contributing factors to the break up ie, verbal abuse, lack of interest, not spending time together and general disrespect in alot of areas.

 

I've explained my decision to him in detail and have tried to be "nice" about it but he's not accepted it. Yesterday in total i received 5 text messages from him saying he loves me and wants us to work through it, I folded at one of the messages that said i love you and miss you, i replied i know you love me and i'm sorry i have to put you through this.

I felt just as awful when i got his reply as i would if i'd not responded at all. This is hurting me quite badly to see how much pain i'm putting him through but i don't know what to do or how to handle it.

 

He wants to know if this is it and it's over forever or if i just need time. I am at the reasoning that i can't tell him i just need time becuase what if i have the time and still feel the same, will i break his heart all over again? On the other hand it would make it easier for him to feel that i may come back.

 

So in the end i suppose the advice i'm looking for is if i should not respond to his messages ? And should i tell him it's forever?

 

[melrich]

Tell him it's over for ever. Someone in his situation will hang on to any little shred of hope that you give them and that is not in their best long term interests.

 

Yes it will be painful for him and you will feel terrible but it really is being cruel to be kind. Read some posts on here from members hanging on to hope because their ex has said "I do love you and maybe sometime in the future...." or words to that effect. It just draws the whole thing out.

 

I'm not saying it will be easier in the short term though.

[tucker2583]

dont tell him anything... dont every make any type of contact with him again. Not until you know what you want. It might take you weeks, months, even longer. Im in his boat right now, and im happy there is NC right now. He is dealing with grief, probably saying he will change his ways, etc. etc. If you really love him, let him go!

[WildChild]

I agree with Melrich for the most part. Because you don't know if it will be forever or if your feelings will indeed be the same, you could honestly tell him (if you do decide to reply) that you can't answer that question right now. And if he asks why, tell him "Because I don't even know what I'll be feeling in a week, month or a year. However, right now I know what I'm feeling. If I lead you to believe we may get back together that may only cause you future pain if my feelings don't change, and I don't want to do that to you. So for now it is best to take it as it is."

 

I dunno, just a thought

[Beautifulgirl]

I ended up speaking to him last night. I was 100% honest and told him that i cannot commit to anything and can't make any promises because i don't know what i want or how i feel or where i'm going.

 

I also told him that he needs to respect me and my space and think about his life without me. It's not easy but these are the choices we make for ourselves.

 

Thanks!