question for the ladies who have personal ads online

[deejay74]

what's the best way to get a response from a woman on the online dating sites? i don't seem to have much luck with this.

 

what i try to do, is read her profile or headline (if it's catchy), and ask them something about them that they listed in their profile or if it's something we have in common, i mention that to them.

 

i try to keep it short and not divulge too much information about myself and i always ask a question so they have something to answer in a reply. but i often find that i don't get a response and if i do, i respond to their response and then nothing.

 

i am having a hard time figuring out what to say or ask in my messages to them that either a. isn't boring, or b. doesn't come accross too strong, or c. makes them want to respond.

 

i am also not sure if it's something in my profile that turns them off. i am not really demanding or have a laundry list of what i am looking for. i usually try to describe myself honestly but i keep it short and i try to be lighthearted in my descriptions of myself too.

 

any advice from men who have been successful in getting responses or ladies who may have suggestions on what to say when emailing an interest.

 

thanks in advance.

[iceberg21]

Actually thats a helluva question. Sometimes I'll write basically the same thing, tweak it a bit to the specific person and maybe half or less will respond. I don't know exactly what works but I'd say you've got a good jumping off point. I actually find that more women contact me first than actually respond when I email first. lol, sorry for the lack of help, but I think what you're doing is good. I actually like to try and throw as much humour into my emails or whatever the first time. Something of course that translates well in text, and just mix it in with, like you said, a question or a comment about what they said in their profiles.

[PRSOV]

I think with most dating sites it's virtually impossible to get responses from the women, there is just far too many men on there... from personal experience I just gave up and decided to go with the real thing! I have also heard the same from a lot of people...

 

Good luck anyway!

[annie24]

Well, I'm on 2 sites. I typically only respond to me who say something specific about my profile and ask me a question. And if I think they're good looking! Winks and form e-mails, those I tend to ignore.

 

So, if you're doing these things, I think you should just keep doing it. It's really a numbers game. I've talked to a lot of my male friends and a lot of them tell me they have to send out about 30 e-mails to get one response. I don't know - I'm not a guy, I've never done it, but definitely, you have to send out a lot of e-mails to get a response. I know that I've contacted guys a few times, and they didn't respond to me *sigh* Oh well.

 

If you'd like, you can e-mail me the link to your profile and I can give you my objective opinion

 

good luck!

[PocoDiablo]

Dude,

 

David DeAngelo has some really good advice about this. It goes something like this:

 

 

He's very ... brash and unrefined, but he makes some good points. Other points include being BRIEF and spending LESS time on each email. Spend no more than 30 minutes TOTAL online every day. One or two line responses are best, being non-serious and flirty. The goal is to meet in person. Send a LOT of messages to different people, don't bombard one woman. Don't kiss up. Don't suggest expensive dates. Keep it simple. Stuff like that.

 

Basically, meeting someone in person is the goal. Be honest with your intentions ("I want to meet someone in person") and be interesting in a FUNNY and FLIRTY way. If some one gives you attitude or excuses, give it back twice as hard.

 

I have asked a woman out and she said something like "Well, I don't know. I am not sure if I will be free and my friends ... blah, blah, blah." I *literally* said "All I am hearing is excuses. Yada yada yada. Come on, this is sad, I've heard MUCH better excuses at least 100 times. Either you're going to go out with me or not. Tell me now so you don't waste my time." Yes, I was smiling the whole time. Yes, she literally told me "I'll be there." I told her "Don't be late. I'm not going to wait around for you to show up. I'll find someone else to go out with." Yes, it was ROUGH. Guess what? She showed up, on time, dressed to kill, and we had a great time. Turns out she was not my type so nothing came of it, but so what?

 

So his example was something like a woman said "Why should I go out with you? Men are like buses, another one will be along in 15 minutes." He said something like "Baby, I *own* this bus and I am the *driver* of this bus. You can date any loser guy who rides busses any time you want, but you have to pay to ride my bus." Jokingly but in an assertive way, of course. Yes, he got the date.

 

Rejections are - in my opinion - a TEST for you to step up to and tear through like tissue paper. Demand a straight answer and demand what you want. Often times you'll get it. If not, then it's not meant to be and it's no big deal. At least you tried!

 

NOTE: This is not always appropriate! Proceed with caution and with a brain! Your milegage may vary!

[itsallgrand]

I don't go to dating sites bc there are too many weird men constantly popping up trying to get attention. It's not worth the effort to go through all the 'junk' to get to a nice guy, who you then have to meet under highly controlled circumstances, and be extra careful, and blahblahblah.

 

Real life is better. Remember, you're only meeting a select group of the female population on those sites. Most are undateable for you, and out of the others you have a tiny ridiculous chance of response.

 

That's how i feel, anyways.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Online dating sites are terrible if you are not good looking. People who try to sugarcoat it another way is lying or in denial. Even that bafoon on the eHarmony commercials said that mutual interest combined with physical attraction... blah blah blah, you lost me at hello, sir! I've written at least 75 women over the past year, very brief introductions about liking their profile, noticing we have a few interests in common, perhaps a chat one day and wishing them luck in finding their dreams. I got one response, a pity thank you from the site and not the actual girl. And it doesn't help when my picture looks like the avatar of the original poster of this thread.

 

 

 

I have a better chance of riding blindfolded on a unicycle while balancing an anvil on my nose while trying to catch a falling 400 pound gorilla in a thimble between my teeth.

 

And I bet the gorilla would turn me down too!

[equinox]

I've used loads of dating sites and I can count the number of replies I've gotten on one hand. I have met a few good MSN contacts though.

[Entomon]

I have profiles at various sites as well but I don't respond to any of my contacts because I can't. Most women, well at least I, don't subscribe. I have however embedded a secret email in my introduction that if a man is careful enough to actually read what I wrote, he can decode my email and contact me directly. So far, no one has really paid much attention except complimented me on my pictures.

 

Anyway, if I was a member, the first thing that catches my eyes would be your profile photo. If you're attractive to me, I'll read your profile and comb for common interests then initiate a response. If not, nothing. Really, it all comes down to how physically attractive you are to your pursuit(s). Even if your profile is award winning, if you don't have a ready photo, some women will not likely respond to you. I know it sounds very shallow but we want a face to a name.

 

Keep trying, one is sure to reply back.

[annie24]

Online dating sites are terrible if you are not good looking. People who try to sugarcoat it another way is lying or in denial. Even that bafoon on the eHarmony commercials said that mutual interest combined with physical attraction... blah blah blah, you lost me at hello, sir!

 

LOL!!!! That is funny!