Boyfriend trouble, is this the end?

[babybear]

I've been with my boyfriend for two years. In about four months we are applying for university. For the past year now my boyfriend has said he wanted to go to the same one as me and live with me at a student thing. We've had some real problems and split up for a long time but still carried on doing everything a boyfriend and girlfriend do except without the title and we didn't get with anybody else. I used to say I didn't love him because he broke the trust a long time ago. He always tried to win me back, he wrote me poetry and little notes and bought me presents and got really depressed when he lost me. He told me he really loved me and he just wanted to be with me. A couple of months ago we got back together officially but recently his affection towards me has died down a lot I feel. Now he's telling me he's unsure if he wants to go to university because he thinks it might not work; that we might fight a lot or just grow differently. I'm really saddened by this because it's not long left til we apply. He used to behave like he was really really in love with me but now he's basically saying he doesn't know if he wants me anymore. He also said to me "do you really want to be with me for the rest of your life?" when I replied "yes" he said "really?" in a very shocked and disbelieving tone. He used to tell me if he was to ever be with anyone else they would always be second best to me. I don't know where I stand with him.

[arwen]

Hey babybear,

 

I have experienced that I changed a lot through my period at university. Maybe your bf is afraid that the two of you will grow apart because he knows this happened to other people, because it is quite common. However, and I am very sorry to say this, I think he wouldn't doubt this now, if there wasn't something missing for him already.

 

That is, if he was totally convinced of his feelings about you, he wouldn't worry about his feelings in the future. Maybe he can already feel some changes in the relationship. You are both at an age that still involves a lot of personal development, growing apart can be a part of that.

 

I can imagine that you were horrified by his surprised look when you said you could imagine yourself with him forever. Girl, even people 10-20 years older than you can have doubts about their feelings about the future with their significant other. Sometimes it's just a phase in the relationship, or a personal phase, sometimes it's a signal that persons are drifting apart. I am not really surprised that a man of his age doesn't have a clear picture of his future now. He is being honest, and of course that hurts. I think you need to communicate with him before this becomes an obsession for you. If he feels serious doubts about a future together, I think you will save yourself a lot of pain if you end things.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse