Am in one? Where do you think I stand by reading this conversation...:

[Hunny1607307342]

After already having made out...

HIM: I SO want to see you in the holidays

ME: Yeah but you say stuff! You lie like a rug!

HIM: What?! You really don't trust me at all do you

ME: Well... how do I know if you really like me...

HIM: I do, I like you soooo much, I ADORE you

ME: Hmmm

After a bit of pondering and same sort of talk...

HIM: I dunno... do you want to go out with me?

ME: ...ok...

HIM: But... you have to trust me for it to work...

ME: Well what do you expect?! With everything that's happened between you and me.

HIM: Mmm it's just before I wasn't ready for a serious relationship, and now it's different. When we kinda broke up I really missed you. (he broke up, 2 months ago).

ME: But you went out with someone.

HIM: That was not serious that was like nothing. I really connect with you.

ME: hhmm... I don't know if you mean stuff you say.

HIM: I do, I adore you. But I think love comes with time.

ME: yeah.

HIM: But also, I'm going to uni soon and i dunno, i dont wanna break your heart.

ME: mmm...

HIM: But I dunno maybe if I do end up loving you it wont matter. Maybe I wanna try that.

ME: hmmm... I'm really confused

HIM: Me too. How bout we take it slowly.

ME: yeah.

 

 

 

OK that was 2 days ago and he STILL HASN'T CALLED me or anything... What is this guy playing at? And am I his girlfriend now...? What do you think all this means...? And shall I call if he doesn't...? Pleasssse help!!! XXX

[Batya33]

I don't think you want to focus on labels here. Instead, watch the feet, not the lips - what he does not what he says. Expressing his feelings in words is nice, flattering, etc but loving and caring is all about giving, right? Having said that, I'm not sure how often you expect him to be calling - is he supposed to call just to say hi or just when he wants to set up or confirm plans? In my experience (25 years of dating and long term relationships), a man who is sincerely interested and emotionally available will call you in advance to set up a proper date that he plans (or at least puts in a significant amount of effort in planning) whether it is an expensive or inexpensive date or something in between. Your obligation - to show up, look nice and be nice - and that means yes putting in a reasonable amount of trust that if he says he is interested and follows through and is reliable, you will treat him as a trustworthy individual until proven otherwise.

 

The interesting thing I have found with labels - in a healthy relationship they are a given, an afterthought almost - they define what is already there as in "of course we are exclusive!" Sure they should be discussed if you are the type - like me - who does not want to be intimate outside of an exclusive relationship - but otherwise who needs the label if what is underlying the label has no substance?

 

Just my two cents. Good luck.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

well he says he's into you, so just enjoy it for now and continue on like you were before, but if it's really bugging you, just ask him if you two are exclusive.

[annie24]

honestly.... I think he's playing games. if he really likes you, why hasn't he called you???? Blah. If he wants you back, he's going to have to do better than lame IM convos and no phone calls. You need flowers and fancy dinners and many many phone calls.

[Mrocza]

HIM: I do, I like you soooo much, I ADORE you

ME: Hmmm

After a bit of pondering and same sort of talk...

HIM: I dunno... do you want to go out with me?

ME: ...ok...

HIM: But... you have to trust me for it to work...

ME: Well what do you expect?! With everything that's happened between you and me.

HIM: Mmm it's just before I wasn't ready for a serious relationship, and now it's different. When we kinda broke up I really missed you. (he broke up, 2 months ago).

 

He broke up with you. How did he do it? Was he harsh or cruel?

 

Asking or expecting trust is pointless. If you want to give him another chance, tell him he has to EARN your trust, PROVE his worthiness.

 

ME: But you went out with someone.

HIM: That was not serious that was like nothing. I really connect with you.

ME: hhmm... I don't know if you mean stuff you say.

HIM: I do, I adore you. But I think love comes with time.

ME: yeah.

 

So, he dumped you and jumped into another relationship. Sure, NOW he says it isn't serious, but it was obviously serious enough for him to risk YOUR relationship to go for it. What does that say?

 

If he could really connect with you, he would have stayed with you in the first place.

 

He likes you, but love comes with time. Well, yes I agree there. OR is that just his way of saying he isn't promising anything?

 

HIM: But also, I'm going to uni soon and i dunno, i dont wanna break your heart.

ME: mmm...

So, it's not even for sure. He's letting you know that he WILL be leaving and he DOESN'T want to break your heart.

 

So what is the point of getting together with you if he WILL be leaving and if you get attached to him again, he will most definatly be leaving you behind, thus breaking your heart?

 

Think about it.

HIM: But I dunno maybe if I do end up loving you it wont matter. Maybe I wanna try that.

 

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

 

This guy isn't giving you anything to work with. He wants you to jump into a relationship, that he has already previously tossed aside for another girl, BLINDLY with the HUGE RISK of it not working. He is not saying he loves you and it won't matter. He is saying MAYBE he'll try it, because IF he does by chance start to take you seriously, MAYBE it won't matter.

 

Please, think about it rationally. This guy is playing with words.

 

ME: hmmm... I'm really confused

HIM: Me too. How bout we take it slowly.

ME: yeah.

Confused?

 

Yah, No kidding.

 

Take it slow. Take it non-existantly slow. He should have to work to gain your trust and attention back, not give you a half-aS$ed reasoning to why you should give him a shot when nothing is definate. Did he even apologize for what happened in the past? Or does he just expect you to be waiting for him and let him do what he pleases.

 

 

OK that was 2 days ago and he STILL HASN'T CALLED me or anything... What is this guy playing at? And am I his girlfriend now...? What do you think all this means...? And shall I call if he doesn't...? Pleasssse help!!! XXX

 

He hasn't called. He isn't showing you that effort that tells he is serious about getting back with you. Let him come to you and even then, show him that he has to work and prove that he is worth the tiem again.

 

You do not want to go through the same thing you did. If you want to be with him now, it should be something promising. You don't have time to waste on guys like him who play these games.

 

You are not his girlfriend and I don;t know why you would even want to be.

[annie24]

very good analysis fairie!!!! I agree whole-heartedly. He isn't really doing much of anything to try to win you back - I mean REALLY win you back.

[Hunny1607307342]

Thanks so much for all your advice!!! Wow fairy that analysis! lol! It's true...I suppose your rite. It was kinda funny lol. Oh but it felt like it meant so much its just the way he kept trying to persuade me he meant what he said that made me think aww. But wow can the guy lie to THAT extent?!!? He still hasn't phoned Maybe he thinks there's no reason to phone...

Are you sure I shouldn't text him? I really need to straighten things out...aaargh lol

[annie24]

Look, if he wants you back, he knows what he has to do. when I had an ex coming back, begging for me, he was calling me several times a day, several e-mails a day, constant flower deliveries, etc....

 

if this guy REALLY wants you back, he can actually PICK UP THE PHONE, and DIAL your number!!!!!!! If he's not doing these things, and calling 1-800-FLOWERS, trust me, he's not that interested. this is a game to him.

[Momene]

Haven't read all the replies but I suspect there's another girl involved.

[Mrocza]

He doesn't think there isn't any reason to phone.

 

You were vague in your replies but you didn't say no either.

 

HIM: Me too. How bout we take it slowly.

ME: yeah.

 

 

unfortunately, taking it slowing doesn't mean taking his sweet time to call. He should, if interesting and knowing you are, call incessantly, show his interest, be asking you out, etc.

 

He's not.

 

Don't call him. Don't think about him. If he comes to you, so be it, but when he does, don't throw yourself at him. If he asks you out say, you thought he was interested when he told you online but why did it take him so long to call...then tell him you're busy. To call you tomorrow, or the day after, or to make a date in advance. If he's playing a game, do it back.

 

I still don't think you should be giving him the time of day.