Just Had Sex and um....

[Blinking101]

Ok I am 18 and havn't had sex yet and my girlfriend is 18 and still a virgin also she has never ever fingered her self or anything so I been only able to finger her with 1 finger. Well tonight we tried to have sex. Um it's really hard to say this but it was a no hit. Like she is really 'tight' and I could not keep my penis hard I dont know if it was because I was nervous or anything. And also we could not figure out how to lay in the bed. And everytime I tried to put my penis in her vagina it slipped out and would not stay hard. And she cried when I did get it down their. This was like putting a big thing into a small opening. Is this normal? Because I hope I dont got a problem with my 'thing'. So if anyone could help me out ASAP that would be wonderful. And are we suppose to be super nervous?

[emma34]

It's totally normal to feel nervous about it. Sex is supposed to be fun so don't be so uptight about it...work together, and maybe you'll slip up the first couple times - but you'll laugh about it later. If shes that tight, theres a good chance she just isn't lubed up enough. Natural lubrication usually comes from clitoris and/or vaginal stimulation. Get her warmed up - make out for awhile or something. As for laying in bed, just get her to lay down normally and lift her pelvis jussst a little bit, you should be able to stradle her on top and easily fit it in. It's totally normal to be nervous like I said, and this is likely the reason for your loss in erection. Like I said, relax. Also, I seriously suggest a while of foreplay before..play with her, she'll play with you, and by that point, you'll be so turned on it'll come naturally. I hope everything works out for you, and remember, sex is supposed to be fun!

[ComputerGuy]

Sounds like everything went the way it goes a lot of times. Your problem with staying hard would have been nerves about the whole thing...oncve youg et comfortable with the situation you should be fine. As for her being tight, remember, babies come out of there. If she is a virgin it will hurt for the first few times whilst she gets used to it, so be gentle, and go as slow as she wants to. Once she has relaxed a bit too she wont be so tense down there which can help as well. A lot of problems can be solved once you are comfortable in that situation and relax a bit mroe.

[KweenofDenyl]

Are you using birth control? Condoms?

 

As was previously mentioned, your girlfriend needs to be comfortable and relaxed, not an easy task when she's tensed up and petrified/in pain.

 

Have you tried performing oral sex on her?

[GottaLetItBurn]

I feel you. THese guys are right, foreplay will get you through it, she is going to cry no matter what. I mean damn, I was generalizing woman all cry in front on the phone with my bestfriend talking about sex and she said to me that she cried her first time. It hurts I'm sure, I'm a guy and I think it sounds painful as hell. She'll deal with it though, so just try and use your fingers.

 

I'm no expert on taking virginity but I would guess one finger, then two fingers, then maybe use your * * * *. Foreplay should keep you hard.

[Blinking101]

Ok you members talk about 'foreplay' is that like her giving me a hand job, and me fingering her etc... Etc...? Are their any other foreplay tricks or techniques I can perform? Also yes KweenofDenyl I was using a condom. She did start to cry and I did actually get two or three successful attempts in putting it down their but she was really tense and it was hard getting something in such a small opening. But is this normal when I would try to put it in it would just slip out is that normal? And also I did experiment 2 fingers and she said it hurt really bad so I pulled out. And oral sex talking about tongue down their yes

[SxcLady]

foreplay ... yes its playing before you have sexual intercourse. And she really needs to relax. That is why it hurts her so much, because on top of the fact that she is a virgin, she is as nervous as you are. But instead of losing the erection, she tightens even more. My first time did not hurt, because I was relaxed before hand. But my second time did, because this person went straight into it, no foreplay. If you both relax it should come on a little more naturally. If it still hurts her, try to buy some lubricant. KY Jelly works really well. It will make it easier for you to put it in (try using ky jelly during foreplay then try no need to add extra). also do not use oral as a way of foreplay right before you try to "put it in" as sometimes it makes a chick nervous, and she will just dry out. As for you asking about the slipping out ... do u mean you would put it in and as you go to penetrate, it just slips out?

[Blinking101]

^^ Yes like I would put it in and her opening was so small it would just sort of go in and just slip right out

[SxcLady]

As you went to pentrate?

[Blinking101]

As you went to pentrate?

yes I believe so

[SxcLady]

Dont pull out so far, be gentle and do it slow, yes its normal, its because you are both not used to it yet. I remember .. my first time ... OMG it took forever for it to stop slipping out. then my second time it was happening again (but this time it was hurting) and i actually found it more comfortable, easier for me to release the pain and i could go at my own pace if i sat on him. I dont recommend it for your first time but second and so forth times for sure.

[Blinking101]

I did get it in and she was in pain but im talking about when I 'tried' putting it in like me putting my penis in her vagina it would just stop their and it kept slipping down. Like I would put it in and would add some pressure so it would go through the small opening but it should just slip down. Is that normal?

[SxcLady]

its not entering ... she is too tense then. When a chick tenses herself as a virgin, well put it this way, ive never known anyone to be able to get "it" in. When you go to put it in next time, Keep holding yourself until you think its past that opening and a little further, then take your hand away and apply a little more pressure. but only a little bit because if she is feeling pain from that ... well yeah. Anything else?

[KweenofDenyl]

I did get it in and she was in pain but im talking about when I 'tried' putting it in like me putting my penis in her vagina it would just stop their and it kept slipping down. Like I would put it in and would add some pressure so it would go through the small opening but it should just slip down. Is that normal?

 

Yes it's normal. Like SxcLady said, you need to go slowly. Also, because you are using a condom (and good for you!) you probably need to use a lubricant of some kind--always use a water-based lubricant as oil-based will cause the condom to break--even if the condom is "lubricated" it's prolly not enough.

 

Do you feel like you can discuss all this with your girlfriend? Talking about it will relieve a whole lot of the stress/fear for her (and you). Also, there are a ton of websites out there that have some good advice, both technical and emotional. It's important that both of you are comfortable with having sex with each other.

[Blinking101]

Ok once again she is tense. Any idea's in not getting her so tense? I can fit 2 fingers in now but when it comes to my penis nope can't get that in. And also I can figure out which way to lay or how to lay any idea's on that? Were both starters so we are both new to this.

[CharLit]

Hi Blinking,

 

I guess she's tensing up because it hurt the last couple of times you tried it and she's afraid of the pain. Like someone already said, the key is foreplay: if she is really turned on she'll be far less tense, and it will hurt her far less too.

 

You asked whether foreplay is you fingering her and her giving you a handjob: that can certainly be part of it, but it extends to far more than that. It is doing things to each other that turn you both on, and of course that varies from person to person. Things you can try:

- Set the mood: use a room that's nice and warm and maybe only lit with a candle or two if either of you is body-shy, put on some chilled out music you both like.

- Undress each other while gently kissing and touching each others' bodies

- give her a massage, very relaxing, could help with her tenseness: if you have it, use some baby-oil for this: warm a little of it in your hands first and then rub it over her back (if you do this, wipe off your hands VERY well before putting on the condom though, as oil affects condoms)

- gentle caressing everywhere (i love it when my boyfriend runs his fingers very lightly down my spine for instance)

- neck and earlobes tend to be sensitive to gentle kissing, licking & nibbling

- a lot of girls like having their breasts and nipples (gently!) sucked & licked etc.

 

There is so much more, foreplay is something you can enjoy exploring together to find out what does it for you.

 

Can you bring your girlfriend to orgasm? (don't be concerned if you can't yet, this takes a lot of practise! You'll learn) You probably won't achieve this by fingering her (on the inside i mean) alone: in fact, if you're not already turned on, that doesn't feel particularly good (not bad either, just not fantastic). Most women orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris: a small bump where the inner 'lips' of her vagina come together at the top. After other foreplay, see if you can locate this and rub it VERY gently and lightly as it is extremely sensitive: for most women, this feels great. You should also focus on this area when you're using your mouth down there.

 

The next time you're intimate, you could even suggest beforehand that you don't try to have sex this time, but just enjoy each others' bodies without full intercourse: that way she'll be far more relaxed, and if she gets turned on enough she might decide she wants to have full sex after all.

 

As for you losing your hard-on: this has happened to pretty much every guy who's ever told me about losing his virginity, it's just nerves. It also happens to a lot of guys who aren't virgins, but are having sex with a new girlfriend for the first time, again because of nerves - completely normal and nothing to worry about!

 

Lying down: there are a million different sexual positions, but for the first time i would either

- have her lie on her back with her legs spread. You will be between her legs, use your hand to guide your penis until it doesn't slip, like sxclady said.

or

- have you lying on your back, legs together, with her sitting on top of you with her knees either side of your midrif: this way she can lower herself onto your penis, with either you or her guiding it in with your hand. This position will give her far more control over how deep & fast you go and may be more comfortable and less scary for her

 

 

best of luck,

 

C

[SxcLady]

CHarLit ... that was great advice. Nicely detailed too. and i agree for the first time positions. Use the second one if she really is still hurting.

[orangecounty]

I'm sorry if someone mentioned this already but I don't see it anywhere. Her being a virgin, it sounds like her hymen still may be intact and that's what's causing so much pain. It'll eventually rip, yes ouchy!, downwards and there will be a much larger opening. I'm surprised no one brought this up. That's my guess.